Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you make of this?

219 replies

curiouscat74 · 23/11/2018 11:04

My DH travels a lot for work, mainly Europe and Russia. Recently he has made several trips to the Ukraine. I thought nothing of it but on one trip he said that he was in Paris but I found luggage's tags in the bin that were for those dates and from Kiev. I was a bit suspicious. One of his work notebooks was lying around and so I had a little flick through. There was a woman's name with 'not exclusive' and 'STD' underneath. Also '£10k'. He has his own bank account so I cannot look at his spending. He has never given me any reason to think he has cheated on the past. In other bits in the book there are some references to sex with hotel names and reminders to pick up viagra. In another bit there are dates and what could be amounts of money, hundreds. I am obviously devastated. We have children and have been together for years. Would you think from this that he is using a prostitute or could it be a work colleague. It is those words under her name that make me think it is a prostitute, and the sums of money. I am in shock and not sure what to do. Apart from being so upset at the betrayal we are not by any means wealthy enough for this kind of spending!!!! What should I do?

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 05/01/2019 23:23

You are amazing op - all rooting for you and thinking of you x

butterfly56 · 29/01/2019 11:47

Flowers @curiouscat74
How are you?
Hope things are not too crazy stressful for you and you are managing to get your life back Smile

curiouscat74 · 01/02/2019 08:57

Just a quick update to let you know that I have told him I want to get divorced. He has moved out of the bedroom but refuses to leave the house. It seems I am unable to get him to leave. I have stayed quiet about what I have found out as I am trying to keep things calm for the children. Once everything is sorted out, (which could take quite some time as he is being very difficult, he wants 50/50 care of the children! How will that work with the sex trips away and tinder dating.) I will take great pleasure in telling everyone I know what he has been up to. Now I must focus on getting everything cleanly sorted out and separated. I have found this to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I am an emotional wreck but keep putting one foot in front of the other so the children and I can move on.

He is the biggest shit i have ever met, I hate him.

OP posts:
curiouscat74 · 01/02/2019 09:13

And thank you again to everyone that wrote on this thread. I would love to have a big party when the shit has gone and would invite you all. Really the support has been tremendous. x

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 01/02/2019 09:14

Stay strong hun! You're doing great!
Karma will bite him in the ass xxx

bluebell34567 · 01/02/2019 09:17

he wont be able to do 50/50 care, he is bluffing.
you are a very strong woman. wish you all the best. Flowers

teainthemorning · 01/02/2019 09:32

I'm rooting for you curiouscat74
Wishing you the very best outcome; and I agree with bluebell - he's deluded if he thinks he can do 50/50 care.
Perhaps he'd like to start with that right away ?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 01/02/2019 09:37

You are doing so well.

AugustRanger · 01/02/2019 09:47

You are amazing. Sending hugs xxx

whynot93 · 01/02/2019 10:40

Hey so pleased to hear from you! Good on you for making and stand and actively going forward with the divorce 🙌
No doubt he'll continue his antics, amusing you have all that info on him.. game face on woman you've got this. Hugs xx

whynot93 · 01/02/2019 10:41

Oh and of course he's going for the one thing that would hurt most.. 50/50 jog on pal.

Whisky2014 · 01/02/2019 10:44

They all say that about 50/50 and it never materialises!

Sillybilly1234 · 01/02/2019 10:54

Copy or photograph everything in the book.

curiouscat74 · 01/02/2019 12:25

Thanks ladies.

All evidence has been photographed and saved in secret place on laptop.

I am just going with unreasonable bahaviour for the petition. He has stopped paying money into our account but I have some savings and solicitors are aware. I am very worried about him wanting 50/50 care. I think this is also so we have to sell the house. He is going to be so difficult and manipulative. I have lived with that for years.

I just keep my cool knowing that I will reveal everything I know after all is gone and dusted. I just hope it is over and we can move on soon. I realise now that I don't love him and haven't in years. I am sad this is how things have ended in a way but also glad I found everything I did so it forced my hand.

OP posts:
whynot93 · 01/02/2019 13:23

If he refuses to leave the house I assume he's paying his way! I feel for you I really do but you are doing the right thing. Let's hope it doesn't take you too long to get him out of your life, maybe he'll get bored of the mind games and p*ss off to mummy again.!!

winecigsandchoc · 01/02/2019 22:09

Wow it sounds like you are keeping a cool head! It will get better. He must be shitting himself!
Also it sounds to me like his mother is aware of what he's doing and covering for him. Keep calm, freeze your assets, see if you can transfer any money to clear overdrafts that are in your name. Maybe look up the legal terms of divorcing on the grounds of adultery (I know it's v hard to prove but it's worth a shot given the financial mess he has got you into). Check that he hasn't put you as guarantor on any of his credit and KEEP GOING.

MsDogLady · 02/02/2019 00:13

@Curious, your children will benefit from your brave determination.

He is absolutely trying to frighten and manipulate you into backing off, throwing in everything but the kitchen sink to gain control. Don’t fall for it. There is no way he could manage having 50/50 and he knows it.

Hope he is washing his own pants!

gt84 · 02/02/2019 00:45

Have just read the whole thread and can I just say I think you’re doing brilliantly. I can’t believe someone could do the things he’s done, to you and to the children, so awful, but well done to you for being so strong and staying so calm and rational. It’s anlong road ahead but you have the strength to get through it and support is always here for you. Good luck

RaspberryBubblegum · 03/04/2019 12:14

Hope you're doing OK op and that you managed to get him to leave Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page