What would you make of this?

[curiouscat74]

My DH travels a lot for work, mainly Europe and Russia. Recently he has made several trips to the Ukraine. I thought nothing of it but on one trip he said that he was in Paris but I found luggage's tags in the bin that were for those dates and from Kiev. I was a bit suspicious. One of his work notebooks was lying around and so I had a little flick through. There was a woman's name with 'not exclusive' and 'STD' underneath. Also '£10k'. He has his own bank account so I cannot look at his spending. He has never given me any reason to think he has cheated on the past. In other bits in the book there are some references to sex with hotel names and reminders to pick up viagra. In another bit there are dates and what could be amounts of money, hundreds. I am obviously devastated. We have children and have been together for years. Would you think from this that he is using a prostitute or could it be a work colleague. It is those words under her name that make me think it is a prostitute, and the sums of money. I am in shock and not sure what to do. Apart from being so upset at the betrayal we are not by any means wealthy enough for this kind of spending!!!! What should I do?

Let's just hope he falls off a precipice while 'ski-ing'.

Then it would all be done and dusted and you'd get all the money.

Ukrainian whore/s. You couldn't make it up.

Bless you cat. You can do this

Dreams of basting him in meat juices - and sending him back to Huskies meet up point, just before feeding time ! I think he is incredibly cruel to to send that to child, utter bastard !

Christ he doesn't give a shit now does he?

^Pack up his things and drop them to his parents. They will inevitably get in contact with him. Don’t answer the phone when he calls. Ruin his holiday too^

This. But once they're in black bin bags, put a fkn bow on the top. Happy Christmas you filthy animal.

Absolutely horrified at this thread OP. However my immediate thoughts were that he was possibly a pimp? Id seriously think about having a chat with your local friendly police officer!

Oh op I’m so sorry you are going through this I’d pack his bags up, take to his parents, tell them exactly what he’s been up to, and text him to fuck off.

Treacle, I also thought of him possibly being a pimp, mostly because of the figures and expenses, and also, if he is freelance, it's completely possible.

He could also be indulging himself, and also pimping women out.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and also what utter pond life he has to be anyway, leaving the children at Christmas for his own jollies. I don't even understand how he thinks this is OK and sending the kids photos of him having a good time!

I thought this too, bethy - maybe his new 'freelance job' is pimping. He may be buying this much underwear to supply the workers? also 'std' notes - something he needs to pay for (std checks) hence expenses next to that.

Otherwise he's totally gone off the rails with sex addiction, as previously he's been a good guy/husband by the sounds of it.

Catandhiskit - I wouldn't put him in the category of dad or husband of the year. He has always been a bit funny about money and has snuck off a trips in the past that he said were work trips and then turned out to be jollies.

For all those speculating he is a pimp, honestly he is not. I suspect that he is living in a sex fueled fantasy, I think he is totally deluded. It is a midlife crisis of epic proportions. I honestly feel like I am making it sound worse than it is when I say it out loud. I think in my own head sometimes, "Am I making this up?" because I honestly cannot believe that this is happening.

And I will have to be really careful about the children. I would never want them to know. Ever ever. Who would want to know that about their father. Hideous.

Fucking off for Christmas is so blatant he must realise you know. I'd get any money you do have access to nailed down now.

I wonder if he is on UK Punting, which I believe is where men 'rate' call girls?

You may be able to find out by putting his email address i the sign in section.

I think your children do need to know it - one day. As hard as it is, it's the truth and they will need to know eventually.

If he is the type of person to use family money to schmooze prostitutes and to abandon his kids and family at christmas for said pursuit then you'd have a good case to argue for reduced contact when you split.

Be careful OP
I suspect Ukrainian woman is a girlfriend now and some of them are very clever(I know as I am Ukrainian) - she thinks he's rich so she'll please him and probably already working on him leaving his family, just to take your place and better her own life.
Ukrainian women are glam, sweet, educated , charming and ambitious. So if hes flying to Kiev again and again he probably developed feelings already.
Get your money situation under control - get everything you can and keep everything you can.
Im sorry you're going through this.

I never thought for a minute he was a pimp, I mean seriously!

But he is certainly caught up in selfish and obsessive lust.

OP I honestly think he is lost to you now, there's nothing you can do, and you need to make plans as a matter of urgency.

What kind of man abandons his kids over Christmas.. a fucking utter toe rag.

My heart goes out to you. I would be distraught. For me and my kids. He is an absolute cunt.

AhNowTed - Thank you. I know he is lost to me and even if he was not I could never ever be with someone who has done this to me. I think I fell out of love with his a while back. I remember thinking when I was about to have my last baby that I didn't actually want him to come to the hospital with me. I think this has been over for a while. And he seems to have moved on now.

Teensandfuture - that is really valuable information. I think he is head over heals for her.

Obviously I can't sleep for thinking about everything. I could be wrapping presents but instead I just did a credit check. It seems that he has credit cards debits currently over £10k. I think that is probably just on this trip alone, and the gear for it. Bloody hell. I have no further way on knowing. All I want to know is how I stop him from spending absolutely everything we have. The lawyer I spoke to is now away until after Christmas. I am just going to have to shelve this until after Christmas.

Tomorrow I am going to stop moping, wrap presents and make it feel Christmassy. I think the kids are a bit miserable as they are not in blue skied alpine settings. They are getting hair cuts and trudging along to Tesco. Sod all that. From now on it is fun, sweets and Christmas movies.

OP I think he knows you know. I think he wanted you to find all those clues. Doesn't change anything but just be prepared for the possibility he won't be at all suprised when you tell him you know and will be very calm about it all. I would also change the locks and refuse to let him back in. Maybe call 101 or womens aid to ask what the ramifications of this would be.

Good on you for making Christmas as good as you can. Sending you strength. This is unimaginable.

anyideasonthis - Thank you. I think he has been leaving things in a lazy fashion so I find out. He is such a shit that he will probably play the victim after I tell him and be going round telling people he has been thrown out.

I am going to admit that I have been miserable this week. I have my period, I have a cold, school has finished and I have a shit for a husband. It all changes tomorrow. I am going to draw on some sort of inner strength. I am going to put a great Christmas on for the kids and so I had better got to bed now.

Keep on keeping on Cat. It’s a tremendously tough gig being the well balanced reasonable parent for your children. It’s small consolation, I know, when you are in the midst of a big life event but these are for you You sound committed to providing the very best festivities for the wee ones, and I love you for keeping your ‘shit’ together under the most trying of circumstances to do that.

Bloody hell, is he for real???!!!!
I'd be telling him now to not bloody come back!
Hope you and your children have a lovely time together

When the OW realises he is no longer rich/single/successful/fun/bank of england,

I can see him crawling back.

I wonder what his excuse would be?

"It was harmless fun"
"Nothing happened"

Be prepared. You are worth a million of him.

Hes a pisstaker. You are sorring Xmas for your beautiful children, whilst he is flexing the plasric.

Ive been there - heres to your brand new future, it WILL be amazing

Very petty I know but I’d be getting one of your brothers to ring up pretending to be him saying his cards have been stolen and getting them cancelled. Would put a stop to his spending.

Call rights for women to get urgent legal advice.

Also call women's aid overnight when lines are free(er) 0808 2000 247.

Can you transfer savings urgently? To stop haemorraging. Take it all

I'm looking forward to how this is going to look to a judge.

There's no way to know if he is a pimp or not. He didn't seem like the type to spend any amount on sex before.

The things he wrote down don't seem like just a punter, especially about the STD's and the details of money. If he's willing to use prostitutes it's not beyond the realm of possibility he would trade in sex, especially if he changed his job last year to be freelance. It would be understandable why he writes so much down.

I honestly feel like I am making it sound worse than it is when I say it out loud.

I honestly don't feel like you are, if anything, you've made it less worse, he's still been in your house since you found out, he's now gone and sod off for Xmas and is lying where he is to his kids.
It's all pretty bad, and nobody thinks you've made it seem worse.

I agree with a PP, you should report the cards stolen and suspicious activity to prevent him from spending all of your money and savings. You don't want to be left with absolutely nothing because you sat on your hands and let him do this. I'd be being a lot more proactive and transferring all shared money right now.

What was written by teensandfuture, while I hate to say it, is fairly spot on in terms of some Ukrainian women.

that you have family support and it almost better he has buggered off- it ends the farce.

Given you know he will be a dick about money and he is pissing through it like nobodies business so I would clean out your savings now (your story is you blew it on Christmas and the sales because you and the kids were sad he buggered off so you treated yourself)
I’d take it out as cash and either give the cash to your family to hold or stash it. or maybe bank transfer some as Christmas gifts to family to move larger amounts faster £500 each or something isn’t an insane amount as a gift at Christmas.

You may well need it if he decides to claim you are liable half the £10k credit credit debit or has more secret debt.

You will need to be prepared and you’ll need to fight.
While it may feel underhand, think about what will feel worse: doing that to this asshat or not being able to provide for your kids when he swans off into the sunset with miss Ukraine claiming he cant afford to buy nappies while driving a Mercedes?

I agree with PP, get cards canceled so no more debt.
Enjoy Christmas with the children.
Then dig in your heels for a very difficult conversation when he gets back.
Letting the OWknow he is broke would be the icing on the cake.. Pity you don’t know who she is