Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you make of this?

219 replies

curiouscat74 · 23/11/2018 11:04

My DH travels a lot for work, mainly Europe and Russia. Recently he has made several trips to the Ukraine. I thought nothing of it but on one trip he said that he was in Paris but I found luggage's tags in the bin that were for those dates and from Kiev. I was a bit suspicious. One of his work notebooks was lying around and so I had a little flick through. There was a woman's name with 'not exclusive' and 'STD' underneath. Also '£10k'. He has his own bank account so I cannot look at his spending. He has never given me any reason to think he has cheated on the past. In other bits in the book there are some references to sex with hotel names and reminders to pick up viagra. In another bit there are dates and what could be amounts of money, hundreds. I am obviously devastated. We have children and have been together for years. Would you think from this that he is using a prostitute or could it be a work colleague. It is those words under her name that make me think it is a prostitute, and the sums of money. I am in shock and not sure what to do. Apart from being so upset at the betrayal we are not by any means wealthy enough for this kind of spending!!!! What should I do?

OP posts:
curiouscat74 · 12/12/2018 14:10

bullyingadvice2017 - Thank you for your message. Good to here from those who have made it to the end of the tunnel.

OP posts:
bullyingadvice2017 · 19/12/2018 08:27

Hope things are going ok for you op.

curiouscat74 · 21/12/2018 11:09

You will not believe this. Out of nowhere he announced he was going skiing with friends and wouldn't be back until after Christmas. The children were devastated, he told them and went the next morning. He said he was going to Austria but has posted on his Instagram and my friend says it is not the resort he said. A bit of detective work and the last email he sent was from Kiev. I am telling him to get out as soon as he is back. He is a total shit.

On the bright side we don't have to deal with him over Christmas. My family are coming and they now all know. He is lucky my brothers might have killed him.

OP posts:
unicornsandponies · 21/12/2018 11:18

Have a lovely peaceful Christmas. Good riddance!

ShalomJackie · 21/12/2018 11:18

Sorry to hear your latest news. I would pack up all his stuff and have it waiting in the hall for his return.

I am glad your family are rallying round. If you can set up a sole account and transfer what you can into your name now and argue about it later!!

bullyingadvice2017 · 21/12/2018 17:16

Have as good a Christmas as you can for the kids. Then new year, new life, make it whatever you want, keep strong op. You have a little time now too. Get all your paperwork sorted, copies made and put safe. I'd maybe have a disaster of some kind that means cleaning out the bank accounts too!

bullyingadvice2017 · 21/12/2018 17:17

Also goes without saying, what a fucking twat! Send him a message once your sorted telling him it's over and not to bother coming back as the locks are changed and you will not be budging

Bobbiepin · 21/12/2018 18:17

This is just unbelievable, what a cunt! You're so better off without him. Everything else aside, who abandons their kids for Christmas?

katykins85 · 21/12/2018 18:31

What an absolute shit! I'm so sorry this is happening to you OP.

minkies11 · 21/12/2018 18:40

Awful utter twattish behavior - hurtful to the kids as well. Get yourself a cushion of money if you have a joint account and have his clothes waiting in bags on the front step. I hope you and your family will enjoy Xmas without him because you don't need him.

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2018 18:54

That is unforgivable. Your well rid of a man who would even think of doing this at anytime, never mind Xmas.
At least your close friends and family will know what a complete bastard he is.

Have a peaceful Christmas with your loved ones.

whynot93 · 21/12/2018 21:55

Wow! How could he leave you and the children at Christmas I'm speechless!! Clear out what bank accounts you can and if and when he returns have his bag packed at the door but cut up all the clothes inside before you pack it. That man deserves nothing less doing this to you at Christmas. Enjoy the time with your family xx

Ohyesiam · 21/12/2018 22:22

Wow. He’s got some nerve. He’s acting like he’s single in every way now.
I don’t understand why your lawyer said you should move out. Unless there is a caste iron reason , those locks should be changed by the time he returns.
Wishing you much strength op x

curiouscat74 · 22/12/2018 00:49

Thank you everyone. This has been so hard.

ohyesiam - My lawyer has told me not to move out. I am just hoping that he will do the decent thing and move out when I confront him.

OP posts:
Doobee · 22/12/2018 02:59

Have you got your own bank account? Move anything from the joint account into your name. Move any assets into your name. You need advice on what to do. Take screen shots of all skiing photos/posts. It’s all proof that he’s not poor. You need a deed of separation ASAP so that he can’t drain your savings or put you into debt. Can you get advice on putting a stop on his account so he can’t keep spending the assets. It’s worth seeing a solicitor who specialises in financial abuse and an accountant. Get all evidence of him jetting across the world. His James Bond lifestyle. While he’s away take copies of any tax returns etc. Store them in a safe deposit box away from the house. Copies of the underwear receipts. This bloke is unbelievable!

Sally2791 · 22/12/2018 05:09

Unbelievable. How could he do that to his children? You will be well rid of him. Just make sure you get all that is due to you. Good luck for the future

user1457017537 · 22/12/2018 05:28

Don’t move out of the house I believe you are entitled to stay there until your youngest is 18 or out of full time education. Re your savings “loan” them, ie put in their name, to your mum or family member you can trust so he cannot have access to your money.

So sorry Flowers

Petitprince · 22/12/2018 06:22

Can you move the joint savings too? I'd get in there before he does.

veeboo · 22/12/2018 07:06

OP this sounds crazy I am glad you have family around you. Leaving him is the right thing to do. What did he even say to you about going away for Christmas? Surely that alone would spark a huge row?

Have you been taking photos of everything you have found e.g the book, viagra in the bin?

curiouscat74 · 22/12/2018 09:42

Thanks all. I have seen a solicitor. I have got photos and copies of everything financial I can. I have taken photos of all the stuff I found. I literally went into shock when he told us. I don't think I really recovered until Tuesday. And he has left us overdrawn by £2k so no one to move. He is a total shit. He has messaged our oldest a photo of him cuddling huskies. What a cock.

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 22/12/2018 10:36

Jesus wept OP. I have no advice just heartfelt sympathy for you and your children.

His sleazy shagfest is bad enough, but to piss off on his kids over Xmas.. what kind of man does that.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 22/12/2018 12:07

Change the locks! Don't let the shit move back in! Yes, I know legally you're not supposed to, but fuck that. Let him take you to court. Bundle his stuff into black bin bags to put on the doorstep when he returns. Get your brothers on standby to act as bouncers!

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 22/12/2018 12:23

Pack up his things and drop them to his parents. They will inevitably get in contact with him. Don’t answer the phone when he calls. Ruin his holiday too!

MadeForThis · 22/12/2018 12:54

Can you do a credit check on him so you can see what bank accounts and credit cards he has. Very easy to do with a few security questions

MadeForThis · 22/12/2018 12:55

He's taking big chances now. Leaving the kids at Christmas. He might be gearing up to leave himself

Swipe left for the next trending thread