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Original poster

Why did he block me? I fucking hate him

309 replies

HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 03:36

We were together 8 months. It was amazing. He is definitely the man I want to have a future with.

He broke up with me citing the reasons that he needed to focus on work and so took a job in another country.

I have 2 dc so obviously couldn’t move with him.

A month after he left, i WhatsApped him a message to say hi and that I missed him.

A few days later he called to apologise for not responding and to tell me he’d met someone.

I played it cool and said fine. We can still be friends right? He said ok. But then he blocked me. I know he’s blocked me because none of the messages I sent have gone through.

What the fuck is his problem?

OP posts:
BlancheM · 23/11/2018 16:25

Thankfully there is a world of difference

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/11/2018 16:46

The cowardice and fickle nature of some people.....smh

I notice a lot of 'he said' in your post....Nothing but hot air and lip service I'm afraid op.

Ditch the romantic fantasy of this weasel and look at the actions not the words.....

He fucked off to another country moved on pretty much as soon as he landed and then blocked you....Those aren't the actions of someone who loves you.

Grim i know but some people are continuialy on the look out for 'the bigger better deal' even when they're in a relationship. Theyre just never satisfied with what they have always thinking there's something better around the corner.....In his eyes he got a better deal elsewhere and fucked off that's the top and tail of it....

Sorry you're hurting

MirriVan · 23/11/2018 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1490465531 · 23/11/2018 16:57

How old are you OP if you don't mind me asking.
I think as you get older you learn how deceiving some men can be.
Some really deserve an Oscar for it.
But as you get more older life experiences mean you are more in tune with your shit detector and you end up not being so sucked in with their bullshit.

Shepherdspieisminging · 23/11/2018 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snowballs4ever · 23/11/2018 17:16

I feel for you OP. I've had two different men do this two me this year, similar situation single mum two kids.

I think he was probably genuine when you were together, I can't see why he would fake love as he could have been doing hook-ups with randoms if that's all he wanted, why go to the trouble to build a relationship?

Unfortunately though he's decided he doesn't want a proper relationship anymore. Beware of him reappearing for sex when he returns from abroad.

I have wondered the same thing - why would a man walk away from such intense feelings (I've been with plenty of men and feel a big difference between just sex and great mutual chemistry 'love making' as you say, I don't think it's easily faked).

He may have gone for many reasons, only he knows. Could be he doesn't want a single mum, he doesn't want to settle down, he wants a different lifestyle etc. Move on though, go on match or bumble if you feel up to it and get chatting to other men.

Sunshineandflipflops · 23/11/2018 17:22

Grim i know but some people are continuialy on the look out for 'the bigger better deal' even when they're in a relationship. Theyre just never satisfied with what they have always thinking there's something better around the corner.....In his eyes he got a better deal elsewhere and fucked off that's the top and tail of it....

^this^

MarshaBradyo · 23/11/2018 17:24

The thing is you can love someone then it’s not the case. This happens to nearly everyone otherwise people would be with the first person they loved / loved them.

It’s because you contacted him after he called to say goodbye. It’s no big deal for him. I know it is you though

You’ll be ok. Chin up

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:28

Thanks Snowballs. In my heart of hearts I think that was the reason in the end. I know he loved me. It wasn't fake. And je is a good guy despite what some posters are saying. He didn't use me for sex, it was much deeper and we connected. But, in the end, I think he didn't want to take my kids on and ended it before we all got too involved. As harsh as it is, I believe that's the reality.

I suppose I thought that if I gave him enough space and time he would come to see that my kids don't need another dad, they already have a dad. I wasn't looking for him to take responsibility for my kids. I just wanted to have a partner and so did he. And he chose her.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:28

he not je

OP posts:
ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 23/11/2018 17:29

God, been there mate. He’s a cad. Block him back and move on. Time is the best healer for this stuff.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/11/2018 17:30

Have you considered that when he came back; he may already have met her? Seeing you again could have showed him what he really wants, as sad as that would be for you.

I only started to hate her after he blocked me. I know it’s irrational but feelings aren’t always rational. Also he has no idea that I hate her. We had a nice conversation about how we wished each other well for the future. I said I hoped things worked out for him.

This is the same awkward "let's be friends" crap that is meant to clear the air and make sure nobody feels too bad, and then you never talk again. It's a friendly goodbye.

Don't hate his girlfriend. She's likely nothing to do with this. He's made his choice. It will hurt, acutely, and you will want to numb that by planning to see him again and convincing yourself that he's made a mistake and he'll change his mind, but you just prolong the suffering.

Sob a bit when the kids are in bed. Then pull yourself together and work on distracting yourself. The best thing to do here is going to be being completely over him by Christmas; and never going there again. Something better will be around the corner.

Biologifemini · 23/11/2018 17:31

Helen yellow teeth (I like your name!): what do you suggest? Telling your daughters that every bloke who says you have nice eyes/you are hot and I love you are winners?
It is what people do that is important, not what they say.
This is why this woman has been seriously duped. As are so many women who think a few choice words makes up for being treated abysmally.

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:32

he's not a cad. He is kind and generous, he's a really good guy. That's why I fell in love with him. We've known each other for years, we didn't just meet then go out. I chose him because I know he's a good guy. Everyone around here thinks so too. That's why I'm finding it so hard to let go. He's the best I'll ever do and that's the sad truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:34

I'm as certain as I can be that he hadn't met her when we were together AnchorDown. He's not a liar. He told me he met her about 2 weeks after he left and I believe him.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:37

I notice a lot of 'he said' in your post....Nothing but hot air and lip service I'm afraid op.

It wasn't just lip service. He helped me out a lot. Took me shopping for food when my pay check was late, helped clean my house when the little one was poorly, stuff like that. He's a proper good guy. that's why it hurts so much that he's gone.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:40

posting here has made me feel really sad because I'm remembering what an amazing guy he is. I was angry when I started this thread but now I'm just sad. To be honest, I'll probably be sad about losing him for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/11/2018 17:41

I'm as certain as I can be that he hadn't met her when we were together AnchorDown. He's not a liar. He told me he met her about 2 weeks after he left and I believe him.

Okay. But you know that you can't believe both of those things, right?

If he didn't lie; then he knew her for two weeks before he told you that he had met someone else. It would be nigh impossible to fall in love with someone else that quickly if he was as mad about you as you've suggested through the thread. He'd still be crazy about you; he wouldn't have seen her.

Or, your chemistry was real on that night; but he'd already met her and she'd already piqued his interest a little; and that's grown since he went home.

If neither of those is true; then he sounds very much like the type of man who goes around wooing women and making them feel like the only woman in the world; having passionate sex and intense emotions, and then buggering off to the next one. Sadly some men do this; and they do seem nice - they wouldn't be able to attract so many women if they weren't! But this feels more unlikely than the above.

Objectively; this was probably best for you. But I can see that you're still hurting enough to want to defend him; so it may be too early for you to see that yet.

MarshaBradyo · 23/11/2018 17:41

I’m pretty sure he is a good guy. But he’s moved on. I know it hurts.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2018 17:41

You must let go. He let go of you, very easily. It would be a crying shame for you to let this drag on and make it into something it really wasn't.

I'm sorry but a) eight months dating is a short time and b) if he really loved you, he'd be with you. It really is that simple. It's not a reflection on you, or on him, it wasn't meant to be.

Have you considered that people around you are just trying to soft soap you a bit? Make it a bit more palatable for you as you're suffering so much?

Don't say things like 'he's the best I'll ever do' because you're selling yourself short and, if you portray that mindset, people will believe you and no man will want to be the 'reserve' or the 'also ran'. Don't do it.

Take some time to get over this and then see how you feel. But, contacting this man isn't an option and, if you see him out and about, don't put your dignity on the line for him again. He doesn't want you. Sad but true.

Bimwit · 23/11/2018 17:41

Ya wont be sad all your life holdon ;) give it a year and get back to us!

Raven88 · 23/11/2018 17:42

You sound like you think this guy is yours and he just needs to realise that it's meant to be and you will live happily ever after.

The last time you were intimate probably felt like love because he knew it would be the last time but if he can walk away after 8 months and start a new relationship he wasn't serious about you.

Don't be that woman who hangs about waiting for him, trying to be friends and being nice to his girlfriend just so you can hang on to him and if his relationship fails you go back but he is using you as a stop gap. He might be a good guy but If he wanted a serious long term relationship with you, you would be in one.

I'm sorry if that's harsh but you need to forget about him.

ToastedSandwichObsession · 23/11/2018 17:46

I've been watching this thread all day, your last post is quite telling.
"I chose him" what does that mean? Chose him from what?
"He's the best I'll ever do" This sounds like you have zero confidence in yourself and until you put this behind you, you can't start to work on your self esteem.

It's been asked already but I've not seen the answer, how old are you? You sound quite young?

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 17:47

If he didn't lie; then he knew her for two weeks before he told you that he had met someone else. It would be nigh impossible to fall in love with someone else that quickly if he was as mad about you as you've suggested through the thread. He'd still be crazy about you; he wouldn't have seen her.

As much as I don't want to admit it, I think he probably didn't love me as much I wanted him to. I don't think he was actively looking to meet someone else either. Deep down I think I know that he fell hard for someone he just met. Harder than he ever fell for me. That really hurts.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 23/11/2018 17:56

Honestly if he can move on 2 weeks after he left you then no, he probably didn't love you as much as you think. You wouldn't be able to turn off loving someone in just 2 weeks.

Be kind to yourself but please don't chase him or hang around waiting for him.