Why did he block me? I fucking hate him

[HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow]

We were together 8 months. It was amazing. He is definitely the man I want to have a future with.

He broke up with me citing the reasons that he needed to focus on work and so took a job in another country.

I have 2 dc so obviously couldn’t move with him.

A month after he left, i WhatsApped him a message to say hi and that I missed him.

A few days later he called to apologise for not responding and to tell me he’d met someone.

I played it cool and said fine. We can still be friends right? He said ok. But then he blocked me. I know he’s blocked me because none of the messages I sent have gone through.

What the fuck is his problem?

the people advising "just go our and have some sex with a hot guy, you'll get over it" are seriously delusional

Why, Helen, it can work to give your head a wobble.

We've all been there op - it hurts to be dumped. Really hurts.

I was dumped in a similar way in July. I'm only starting to feel back to myself recently and it has taken therapy to get there. I feel like I have grown as a person in more ways than one and am much more aware of my attachment style now which is why I get so invested and heartbroken. My ex didn't block me but I had to respect her wishes so deleted her number so I wouldn't be tempted to reach out and eventually blocked her on FB, not out of spite but because I needed to heal.

Go no contact and use that time to try and become a better version of yourself.

If it doesn't work for her fair enough, there's making a hateful playlist and deep cleaning a room, having some wine and a pizza, watching some films, all sorts of options for distraction besides hanging onto the hope this guy will get back with her, which are far more delusional and unhealthy.

I wouldn't necessarily advise drinking or sex with a stranger but I would recommend cake and lots of it
Look I know it's shit but this is a good time of the year if any, to take your mind off it especially with kids. Organise plans with them, indulge in nice crimbo food and beverages, get festive and you'll soon forget about the guy.

the people advising "just go our and have some sex with a hot guy, you'll get over it" are seriously delusional

Worst thing you can do in my opinion. Although I don't know how many people are like me in this way?

I end up missing my ex more if I'm intimate with someone else whilst going through the healing period. I ended up wishing I was in bed with my ex instead. Set me right back.

Yeah I was like that rich. Wouldn't do it again

You didn’t see him for a while before he left because he “needed space”.
So your relationship was already in a bad place.

Then he ended it. Fair enough.

He comes back and you meet and have sex. Shitty behaviour from him if it was a hookup and he knew you’d hope it was more. Just human, if he still had feelings and didn’t know himself what he wanted.

Then he goes back abroad and you contact him one month later. One month? WTF was going on there?

So, it’s over, he may or may not have been regretting the sex on his trip home. He’s seeing someone now.

You pop up. He’s actually pretty decent about phoning you to say he’s with someone. You put him on the spot saying about being friends... he doesn’t want say it to you on the phone - it’s awkward.

He knows what “friends” usually means though. I don’t think he even needed his girlfriend to say “block her”. Although she could have said it - and fair enough. Because she also knows what “friends” means.

And is pretty clear from your last post that you plan to have sex with him at Xmas if you get a chance.
Get some self respect!

You know what “he can’t keep away from me” tells me? It tells me that your relationship with him previously was dysfunctional. Normal, simple, secure relationships just don’t lead to people saying things like that. People who say that, are people who have had on off relationships where “space” was needed, where there have been random ambiguous one off sexual encounters, and where these have been followed by a whole month of silence.

Please - do the right thing by everybody and don’t try to “make love” at Xmas.

I think he did the right thing, being friends doesn’t work, it would have resaults in you being more hurt. He doesn’t want to be with you, you have no future together and even though that hurts you need to except that’s the way it is

It’s ok to be angry and upset but you will get over it and find someone who wants to be with you.

I think you are right Ellisandra. I don’t want you to be but a lot of what you summarise makes sense.

But I don’t understand what you mean with the “can’t keep away from me” comment. Why is that a sign of a dysfunctional relationship? Shouldn’t that be a requirement in a a good relationship? That you can’t stay away from each other?

I think it's because 'can't keep away from me' is indicative of a longish term on/off scenario. Whereas a healthy relationship should be much more straightforward, not hard work and angst-free

I sympathise with you OP. I really do. Something very similar happened to me in the last year and I'm still reeling. You don't sound unhinged - you're just stunned and lost and hurting. My best wishes to you, be strong.

MirriVan. Your post has given me loads to think about. You are right, he was only my second longish relationship. Ive had lots of boyfriends but no long term relationships that have lasted more than a year. My DC’s dad was the first longterm relationship I ever had and that lasted 4 years.

Op have a read of these:

www.psychalive.org/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship/

www.aloftyexistence.wordpress.com/2011/02/09/anxious-avoidant-trap/

www.lifeadvancer.com/avoidant-attachment-style/

Unfortunately talk is cheap for some men..there has been much made of guys saying they love you just to get you in bed.

Women can romanticise while men often just see the nuts and bolts of a good shag ifswim.

He's shown you what he truly thinks of you by demeaning you, humiliating you, letting you down and lying to you...yes he might have loved you for giving him a good time in bed but that is his definition of love and is very different from yours!

You are devastated and hurt and humiliated so a triple whammy, it's going to take you a while to come to terms with the fact you were actually very low in his priorities despite his declarations of luurve.

The best thing you can do is piece together your self worth and self esteem bit by bit and build yourself up again but don't involve a man to find those qualities within yourself.

He doesn't deserve you. Pining for him will just put back your progress in recovering.

On and off for four years. Maybe that’s why it feels normal to me to have an off/on relationship.

I will share my own embarrassment that with benefit of hindsight, I can admit that of every single man I’ve ever said “well let’s stay friends?” to (maybe 6 or 7 in 30 years?) the reason I wanted to stay friends, is because I wanted them to see how cool I was, to see what they were missing, to regret not choosing me.

I didn’t even want to get back together with all of them (some, yes!). I just wanted them to see what they’d given up.

The thing is, they’ve chosen. They’re not going to regret it.

One of my 6-7 actually does send me “I think what could have been” messages. I’ve asked him to stop - as it happens when he’s having hard times with his wife. It’s not genuine regret, it’s moping.

The book He’s Just Not That Into You has a bit about how it’s pointless trying to show an ex how cool you are - it just isn’t going to change their mind. They already know what you’re like - and they made their choice. (Btw: doesn’t mean you’re not fab! I’m fab, but you can’t axcount for the spark!)

It really made me cringe - especially as I looked back on the cool things I had done to show how cool I was... which must have seemed so obvious at the time, and just looked desperate

I can laugh at myself now that - I have got more experienced and aware, with age!

I think you need to take a step back and regain your composure. I know it's tough.

Take some time to do something nice with your kids, immerse yourself in whatever hobbies you have when you get the chance, surround yourself with good friends when you need it. Time is a great healer and given a couple of weeks you'll look back on this and eye roll so hard at how you feel right now.

He fucked you and fucked off. Men have been pulling this shit with women since the dawn of time. He used you and he is not worth your waste of energy

On/off doesn’t mean they “can’t stay away”. It means they don’t want to stay.

I know that’s harsh. But it’s important to see it. And it’s not about you - it really is about them. You’re good enough for someone good to stay - but it’s not what they want.

All the time you’re making yourself feel better by deciding you’re the one, they just can’t stay away... you’re letting arseholes back into your life.

That’s what we mean by dysfunctional when it’s on/off.

Good relationships stay on.

He fucked you and fucked off. Men have been pulling this shit with women since the dawn of time. He used you and he is not worth your waste of energy

you advocate tough love! take it easy, the OP needs some softer words. some men are bastards, some women are bitches, this will never change

Please think about your children next time you meet another boyfriend or date. It was far far too early to introduce them to him and if he was so good with them they'll now be bewildered.

I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between ‘true love making and a ‘casual hook up’.
It’s all the same. The former just has a few sugary words attached to it. This is what we need to teach our daughters.

your poor daughters, what fucked up advice is that!!