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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why did he block me? I fucking hate him

309 replies

HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 03:36

We were together 8 months. It was amazing. He is definitely the man I want to have a future with.

He broke up with me citing the reasons that he needed to focus on work and so took a job in another country.

I have 2 dc so obviously couldn’t move with him.

A month after he left, i WhatsApped him a message to say hi and that I missed him.

A few days later he called to apologise for not responding and to tell me he’d met someone.

I played it cool and said fine. We can still be friends right? He said ok. But then he blocked me. I know he’s blocked me because none of the messages I sent have gone through.

What the fuck is his problem?

OP posts:
PouchofDouglas · 23/11/2018 06:40

Er.. she is

hidinginthenightgarden · 23/11/2018 06:49

Honestly OP if you were messaging him banging on like you are here then I would have blocked you too.
He doesn't love you. I have said it before "in the moment" and not meant it. And yes, you can fake "making love". It is just sex to him.

skunkatanka · 23/11/2018 06:52

OP, my guess is that when he moved abroad he quickly found someone new. Maybe they were already on the scene who knows. When he returned for a visit, there you were and maybe he questioned his decision so he slept with you. He's now decided that he wants the other woman. That's that really.

You really haven't been together that long- maybe slow down next time with the "my kids love him/I love him" stuff.

Beaverhausen · 23/11/2018 07:10

OP please leave the man alone, he shagged you when he got back for a visit that is all it was. Move on you have 2 children to concentrate on and can i suggest that if this is the way you react after 8 months that some time on your own might be a good idea before you contemplate another relationship.

Loopytiles · 23/11/2018 07:13

Why would you want to be “friends” with him when he treated you that way?

Respect and care for yourself more.

SuperSuperSuper · 23/11/2018 07:14

For your own sake OP, try hard to rebuild your life without him.

He probably blocked you because he knew how you'd react, not because he's a bad person who loathes you - he just wants to move on - people are allowed to change their minds.

It's tough, I know, but be strong.

snitzelvoncrumb · 23/11/2018 07:15

Because sometimes men are jerks. Hopfully someone does it him one day.

Monty27 · 23/11/2018 07:16

It's over. He's moved on. So should you. Just be glad he's blocked you. That's closure is it not? Confused

Rudi44 · 23/11/2018 07:18

God, what else does he need to do to try and make you understand that whatever he felt about you before is over, he is with someone new and blocking you was probably a good move.

mathanxiety · 23/11/2018 07:24

Why does being friends lie doom?

Because you will always hold out hope that he wasn't being what used to be called a cad, or a scoundrel, and that he really loves you.

He met someone else. Or he always had someone else and you were always second fiddle. He lied and told you he needed some space when actually he was dropping you.

Next lie was that he loved you.

A previous lie was that he wanted children with you.

I suspect he told you a lot of things he guessed you wanted to hear - he wanted to have DCs with you and you only had a relationship with him for 8 months? And there was never enough time to do much together because of your children?

Is he really overseas?

I think you had an 8 month encounter with a player.

SandyY2K · 23/11/2018 07:30

He's not interested in having any kind of relationship including friendship with you.

Considering how in love you are with him.....that's a smart move on his part.

You clearly felt more than he did and were quite invested in the relationship.

It could have just been he was passing time with you. Only he knows...But don't be stressing yourself about it.

needsahouseboy · 23/11/2018 07:30

My ex told me he loved me, spoke about marriage etc and then the following week told over the phone that he was leaving me, 2 days after that he'd booked a Holiday over Christmas and New year with the woman he'd been having an affair with. Men lie a lot.

Move on. He is not worth your time.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 23/11/2018 07:34

Sorry for your pain, OP. You're clearly in shock; bewildered, heartbroken, distraught - it's dreadful to be unexpectedly dumped. He may well have genuinely loved you - but we can love someone and still decide that the relationship is not quite good enough. I suspect that his original reason for taking a break "to focus on work" was simply a way of avoiding hurting you - not many of us want to be told what is 'wrong' with us as a relationship partner... So, OP, you simply have to accept that it's over and that you will never know why he didn't see you as a good long-term partner. You will get over it in time.

CartoonCat · 23/11/2018 07:39

I think some people get caught up in a moment then move on quickly. Like say things like I love you and genuinely mean them at that minute, but then don’t the next.

Also I recommend looking up cognitive dissonance op - I think this is what you’ve got here, you’re having trouble understanding because the facts don’t make sense to you. But sometimes we can never understand these things

onefootinthegrave · 23/11/2018 07:41

Sorry OP, it sounds like he was lying. Been there, done that, brought the T shirt. That was 20+ years ago and I still remember how gutted I was!

That old saying, time is a great healer really is true. And it's true - he's done you a favour blocking you. Honestly, it might not seem like it now but it's the best thing.

AfterSchoolWorry · 23/11/2018 07:43

Please stop saying that phrase 'love making' 🤢🤮

FrancisCrawford · 23/11/2018 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoWants2Know · 23/11/2018 07:46

In my experience, "I love you" from a guy means either that they want to put their dick in you or that they just have and are awash with feel good hormones. But that's all.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 07:48

You need to move on. You weren't together long and your kids already 'adored' him? Sounds like you latch onto men because you want a nuclear family and more kids. That's unhealthy. Work on being 100% happy in yourself and with your family rather than focusing on this man or any other.

NoFoxGiven · 23/11/2018 07:49

OP, he may have found this new person before he went (hence needing space all of a sudden). Heck, how do you know you weren't OW and he had perhaps come over to work abroad when meeting you? Whatever it be, he's closing the book on your relationship.

You said you wanted to be friends, why? What kind of friendship did you want to gain from a man in a relationship who lives abroad? Unless you still wanted to cling on to something when he otherwise told you it was over.

It was good while it lasted but some people can make it seem like it's long term when it isn't. Feelings and making love can be faked, especially if you get caught up so much in your own emotions that you don't take a step back to look at their reaction and emotions.

Emeraldcleo123 · 23/11/2018 07:49

I wish I got blocked! I'm currently getting the silent treatment zero explanation but will still read your messages. I've given up trying to get a goodbye, I accept he is entitled to change his mind.
I know how you are feeling though. It is gutting and humiliating.

HRTpatch · 23/11/2018 07:52

proper love making
What is this???

PussGirl · 23/11/2018 07:55

IMO it's almost impossible to step down to friendship with someone you were crazy about. At least not without a significant gap. Sorry, OP.

Of course men can fake proper "love-making". So can women. I can, certainly.

SorryBaby · 23/11/2018 07:56

HRT- this is what the OP obviously deems to be the crux of a relationship.

I must admit, I often like a bit of Improper Love Making. 🤣

PussGirl · 23/11/2018 07:56

HRT I think she means good sex Grin