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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why did he block me? I fucking hate him

309 replies

HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 03:36

We were together 8 months. It was amazing. He is definitely the man I want to have a future with.

He broke up with me citing the reasons that he needed to focus on work and so took a job in another country.

I have 2 dc so obviously couldn’t move with him.

A month after he left, i WhatsApped him a message to say hi and that I missed him.

A few days later he called to apologise for not responding and to tell me he’d met someone.

I played it cool and said fine. We can still be friends right? He said ok. But then he blocked me. I know he’s blocked me because none of the messages I sent have gone through.

What the fuck is his problem?

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 23/11/2018 12:46

I think he already had a girlfriend back home and when he returned decided to make a go of it. Or he could have met someone and fallen in love at first sight. These things happen, it’s normal. What isn’t normal is OP’s reaction & how quickly she introduced him to her kids. I think there’s a bit of desperation here, which to be honest, maybe made the decision to leave easier.

Orange6904 · 23/11/2018 12:54

Op not read whole thread but it's too hard to stay friends, it'll really hurt for a while and that's normal but it'll hurt more if you had stayed in touch wondering every time he's nice to you or asks anything if he's coming back. x

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 14:23

Thanks for all the messages. It does hurt a lot and I disagree with the posters who say he was faking it but that’s not my problem.

I am absolutely sure that he loved me. There’s no way I would have brought my kids into it if I wasn’t certain about that. They only met him a few times so it’s not like he was massively involved in their lives. When I say they adored him, what I mean is that when I introduced them to him, as mummy’s friend, he played with them lots and they thought he was ace. I would never do anything to damage their wellbeing. He was never their dad.

I don’t understand how he could just disappear like that. I hate his new girlfriend. I know it’s irrational but I really hate her.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 14:29

I mean, why did he have to go to the extreme and block me? I never harassed him or called after we broke up. I sent one text to say hi, how are you and he phoned me to say he’d met someone, we had a nice conversation and I said I was sad but understood and wished him well. Then the next thing I know he’s blocked me. I mean WTF? Why did he have to do something so hurtful? It’s bad enough that we broke up but to block me is like a double kick in the guts.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 23/11/2018 14:35

block him on all your stuff so that when he unblocks you , he'll know his is blocked too, that will make you feel better Flowers

BollocksToBrexit · 23/11/2018 14:39

In one sentence you're saying you really hate his new girlfriend. Then in the next you're wondering why he blocked you.

Can you really not see it?

Elfinablender · 23/11/2018 14:41

It’s bad enough that we broke up but to block me is like a double kick in the guts.

He's probably blocked you because he doesn't want a messy life. I think it's best that when you walk away from a relationship where there are no shared responsibilities, that you do it properly and that you don't leave a toe in under the cover of friendship.

SorryBaby · 23/11/2018 14:41

If you'd just left it at that post 10mins ago.....it was concise and clear headed. Then you posted again?!!!! And now we're back to crazy.

Lost5stone · 23/11/2018 14:43

I'm sorry but I would have done the same in his shoes.

He broke up with you (and to be honest he doesn't really need a reason other than not into it anymore), met someone else, he replies to your message to tell you which is more than most would do.
I've never wanted to be friends with an ex either and you are coming on a bit clingy so I would have just blocked too.

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 14:46

I only started to hate her after he blocked me. I know it’s irrational but feelings aren’t always rational. Also he has no idea that I hate her. We had a nice conversation about how we wished each other well for the future. I said I hoped things worked out for him. I was not in anyway angry with him on the phone. Then the next thing I know is that I’m blocked from everything. Social media, WhatsApp, everything. And I’m suddenly so fucking angry. It’s seems so extreme and undeservingly cruel. It feels like an absolute punch to the stomach and I just don’t understand why he did it. He’s a good guy. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him is he wasn’t a good guy. So this seems so out of character. And it hurts like hell.

OP posts:
dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 14:48

Look, he did you a favour by blocking you. It will allow you to move on better, make a clean break. Whatever his reasons, he's entitled to them. He doesn't want you in his life anymore. I've had absolutely mind-blowing sex with some people, one in particular really sticks out, but well, it's sex, you know. The timing just wasn't right in our cases. I was at a point where I wanted marriage and family, and he, even though we are the same age, wasn't there yet. He actually got in touch with me about 12 years later and we are now friends, both happily married with kids to other people. But hey, well, he ended it and I just accepted it and moved on!

Quartz2208 · 23/11/2018 14:49

Yes it hurts but in a way him blocking you is a good thing - its over he does not want to be in a relationship or have a friendship with you

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 14:50

It hurt at the time but I'm glad he didn't string me along. I was freed up to meet DH and have my own family. It did hurt at the time but I didn't get all hateful. It just wasn't meant to be like that. That's life. You need to take some time out and get some space.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 14:51

Make yourself a nice angry playlist to listen to and maybe get drunk tonight or something, go out on the pull if your kids are at their dad's.

RagingWhoreBag · 23/11/2018 14:55

I’ve blocked people when I know that hearing from them would cause me complicated feelings and make me doubt my decisions. I don’t want to give you false hope that’s he’s torn or pining over you, but it may be that he doesn’t want any awkward feelings about how he’s upset you or let you down and by blocking you he doesn’t even have to look at your name flash up and a nice “hi how are you” message, which makes him feel guilty for leaving you. Or it may be that his GF doesn’t want you messaging him and so he is being a decent partner and obliging her.

kenandbarbie · 23/11/2018 14:57

He probably just doesn't see the pint in being in contact with you. He wants to move on. It's probably for the best. Why would you want to stay in contact? It will just slow you down from moving on.

Dolpol · 23/11/2018 14:58

Is he away short term?

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/11/2018 15:00

That last phonecall call was your last conversation with him OP. He no longer wants any kind of relationship with you. His life has moved on and you are now part of his past.

I understand that this is painful for you as he is very much present in your head and heart. He did the right thing by blocking you and not giving you false hope.Flowers

richdeniro · 23/11/2018 15:03

Blocking is very normal these days when it comes to breaking up, try not to take it personally - almost every Breakup 'guide' on Google recommends it for both parties. It's a way of healing and letting the other person heal.

Original poster
HoldOnWaitAMinuiteNow · 23/11/2018 15:03

Thanks RagingWhoreBag, I did think that too. He’s always had a soft spot for me and can never say no. I reckon he can’t handle being in touch right now because he still has feelings.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think there was a chance he’ll want to give it another go in the future. I reckon once this new relationship calms down and he comes back home, which he will for Xmas, he’ll start having doubts when he sees me again. We hang out in the same circles and were bound to run into each other at some point.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 23/11/2018 15:04

Please stop hoping that he'll see sense and come back to you.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/11/2018 15:06

I’m really sorry OP, I understand this is hurtful but you really do need to put it behind you. No one on here can give you some nice simple answers that explain everything, it doesn’t work like that. There is no point in trying to remain friends, especially when you feel as extremely as you do.

Take this as he’s done you a favour. You can’t continue to stalk and message him.
I know you’re hurting but put it behind you and move on with your life.

dontalltalkatonce · 23/11/2018 15:06

Wot? OMG, this guy's probably running scared. No doubt he'll try to avoid all these mutual circles you move in. You don't seem to get it, he doesn't want to be with you! He's not going to 'see sense', he blocked you for a reason! You're starting to sound like you have stalker potential.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/11/2018 15:08

I’ve just seen your update. Seriously, you are sounding like a crazy 16 year old.
You had an 8 month old relationship. That’s it. It’s over. You really do need to accept that.

Sunshineandflipflops · 23/11/2018 15:12

I wish I could just block my ex husband and never have any contact with him again as it would help the healing process massively but we share 2 kids, a mortgage and a marriage at the moment so no chance.

Sometimes cutting all contact, although hard is the kindest thing for everyone in the long run and social media/whatsapp, etc is the surest way to torture yourself when a relationship ends.

I don't necessarily agree that 8 months is too soon to meet someones kids though, if both parties genuinely see a future together. Different in all cases I guess.