Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Apparentlyacatch is there any chance you can chat to a few more irons to stop you overinvesting somewhat. I know it's terribly hard when they arent big on keeping in regular contact when that's what you like. You need to focus on other things just to not let your insecurities get to you.

@Apparentlyacatch try and slow down, distract yourself with other things if possible.
2 dates is still very early but when you feel you've clicked with someone it's so easy to want more quickly!

The thing you need to remember is if he's feeling the same then it'll all be fine, he'll stay in touch when he can and your next date will happen.
If he's not feeling the same then what can you do about it? Absolutely nothing. You have no control over how the other person is feeling or how he responds to you so the only thing you can do is just let it happen. And if he's not feeling the same, then why would you want to chase him? You wouldn't, you're worth more than that.
Don't try and force contact, an occasional message is fine, but play it by ear and don't bombard him.
I'm a busy person, my BF is a busy person. There's days where we hardly speak, then there's days where we'll spend 3 hours on the phone (although definitely not after 2 dates!)

Relax

Hope everyone has been having a good week. Mine started well. Tried bumble and started talking to two guys. After a few minutes it beca,e clear that one of them is not in a good place and not ready for a relationship so we've agreed to be friends. He's a nice guy and I'm happy with that.

The other seemed nice but turns out all he wants is someone to give him blow jobs. Every message was about taking him in my mouth and when I pointed out that I wouldn't do that on a first date he ignored me and just kept sending his fantasies. Have now binned him off.

Chatting casually to a third, but he lives a long way away.

In the meantime still getting several messages a day from the one from soulmates who decided after our first date that he didn't want a relationship. He's still the best of a frankly fucking awful bunch.

I'm trying I'm not showing these insecurities to him! It's hard when I have quite a lot of free time as I don't children and have a 9-5 mon to fri job so I'm free a lot

Second date is on for Saturday evening :)

@richdeniro yay! Good luck!!

@Apparentlyacatch

I'm the same lots of free time.
But I tend to meet people a good hour or so away. So it can never be more than once a week even if the date goes Ok.

rich that's great! Hope it goes well.

Leighhalfpennysthigh soooo boring when they just want to talk about sex. I wonder if it ever works with any woman

unique I think that's where I'm finding this difficult is the once a week meeting as it means it's a slow burner lol! I'm all about passion and fast paced being swept off my feet! Yeah yeah I know my heads in the clouds

Good luck shitwith!

I imagine similar to the first date, I told her I'd head up to Islington after football on Saturday and we could grab some more drinks and maybe some dinner. She asked if there would be a repeat of the bus stop PDA and that she was really looking forward to it.

I do feel bad as I have another date tomorrow night with someone I've been chatting to for a week or so, she seems nice too.

@Apparentlyacatch I think the danger with that is that it can burn out too quick, and often isn't really real (plenty of love bombing stories on here!)

I've been seeing my BF for 4 months now, we see each other once a week, occasionally twice and we text/ talk on the phone in between.
I know it's different for everyone but I think it's important to not get too carried away, especially at the start. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that

JeSuis thanks. Was curious. Sounds really grown up and responsible and I hope it goes on to be the real thing, really do

Leighhalfpennysthigh soooo boring when they just want to talk about sex. I wonder if it ever works with any woman

Just reading what he wanted to do made me feel a bit degraded to be honest. I know that some people like it, but I don't fancy gagging on his penis. He just ignored everything I said about wanting to get to know him first. Ugh. Glad he's gone.

Decided I'm nit going to take it all seriously and just have chats and see what happens.

I hope so wishy! I do like him and even after only two dates I do miss seeing him, I'm just pining lol!

@Apparentlyacatch I miss my BF too in between, but it kind of makes it even better when I do see him then ☺️ Fingers crossed for Sunday!

@Leighhalfpennysthigh I don't mind gagging on a penis but I prefer to know it's owner first 😬
Sex chat is so boring unless we've already exchanged some kind of bodily fluid first!

Trying to catch up. I've been falling behind on work being on the OLDs so I'll be working late tonight, sigh.
Seems like there's lots of activity here which is fantastic. Good luck to all those who have dates in the next few days.
I've had a few matches on OLD but none who really interest me apart from a Beeb journalist. But I feel like I'm punching above my weight as I think I'm reasonably educated but the news depresses me so I don't really read the papers..

Talked to my therapist today (getting over a relationship with someone with ASD which knocked the confidence out of me). She said I shouldn't feel guilty about legging it on Friday night as I'd at least been kind about it. Sigh.

@shit hope date is going well!

@rich great news on second date lined up.

@leigh, yes that's why I ended it with Mr Cheekybanter, everything when we weren;t in the same room was sex, it's not possible to sustain everyday and it gets boring, as well as making you feel like a piece of meat, best rid of that.

@apparently I was the same with Mr 4am guy but now i'm just taking it in my stride (he hasn't messaged since Monday). At the end of the day if he moves too slow it's his loss as someone else will move quicker and snap me up lol. I try and keep myself busy, which is easy at the moment as I'm going for a promotion at work.

Well, the coffee date with Mr Italy was a success, didn;t have fanny gallops but i think i could grow to like him. He was easy to talk to and it was a positive sign that i didn;t want to leave after my half hour was up (I had to head to my second shift at work). He seems mature, patient and everything that a man should be, obviously early days but i think we could gel well. he has already messaged telling me I am beautiful, nice and would like to see me again soon

Not heard back from Mr J. After suggesting meeting places for Saturday! too early to decide whether it might be a ghosting

Ironically, if he was the one who was going to quit OLD because of time wasters...hmmmm

Anyway we'll see!

fantastic news rich. And you got that snog.
I feel a little bad too,i have a second date with mr rugby on Saturday and today I got asked to meet someone else tomorrow morning. This one is 10yrs younger than me (he's 37). No sex talk from either in txt which would probably get me running for the hills if they did!

Congrats rich and Scot on successful dates

Sex chat is so boring unless we've already exchanged some kind of bodily fluid first

Absolutely. I miss sex as I haven't had any action in years! I don't mind trying new things, but I know I don't want to gag on any mans oenis because I don't like gagging on anything. It was so boring that every time I messaged something, said we needed to build trust, said it had been a long time....he would ignore me and say he wanted to push me down on my knees. Nothing about my pleasure only his. Anyway he's gone and I've been chatting to a man who is very theatrical and has already rung me and told me his full name (which gag man didn't do and refused to do). He is hilarious and says that he's really enjoying talking to me, that my photo is gorgeous, but now he's spoken to me he's really attracted to my intelligence. It's very different and very nice - so am going with the flow....

@Leighhalfpennysthigh sex is so much better if you can build a mental connection with someone too, enjoy theatrical man!!