Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Brilliant, Cover I like the idea of the Looming Test. I have to say with one first date I had, he would have failed it if I had applied the Test pre-snog - post-snog, he passed with flying colours (and the looming continues most gratifyingly to this day). Unless the idea of a snog makes you sick, I say always go for it on the first date. Surprises are nice.

I've been using the looming test and the counter test (same thing I guess). They 100% have to pass that. Not many do! 😂. coverme, your date sounds great. Patience paid off!

Mo God I can’t imagine snogging on a first date, like, evah 😳 But that’s probably as it’s only for a couple of hours and nothing stronger than coffee is consumed (by me, at any rate). So I just can’t imagine getting, you know, there with someone.
Second date though, hell to the yes and this will only be my second second date so far......

What is the Looming Test?

Ah gotcha!

Evening all, will catch up with posts tomorrow, just wanted to check in to say I very an actual coffee date tomorrow from speaking to a guy on badoo this evening! He's Italian ( so Mr Italy) and it was refreshing to be told that he isn't looking for sex ( of course will take that statement with a pinch of salt at the moment ).

Talking to another guy on badoo as well who could be an iron.....Mr 4amguy has gone AWOL again but I know he was online on pof earlier, honestly it's like pulling teeth with that one!!

Anyone dated an Italian? I have to remember to buy a chocolate orange on the way into town tomorrow. ....

Had a great date tonight with someone I matched with yesterday on Bumble, she actually works in the building opposite randomly, it was funny waving at her in her building across Tottenham Court Road before we’d even met in person. Had lots of drinks and I said I’d wait for her bus near Warren Street with her when we got to the bus stop... she literally jumped me at the bus stop and we spent the 5 minutes waiting for her bus snogging. She’s already text me to say she got home ok. Am going to play it a bit cool though before suggesting the second date.

Don’t play it too cool though, Rich; that can massively backfire . How long were you thinking before you ask?

Tomorrow morning, that's about as cool as I can get :)

Basically I've replied to her, told her I'm glad she got home safely, had a great time too and got home myself. I want to ask her out again for Saturday as I know she's free but don't want to come on too keen or desperate if you know what I mean as that's usually my downfall.

@richdeniro really happy for you rich!
Morning will be fine, get the next date lined up ☺️

@scotgal2017 Good luck with MrItaly today. Fun fact....Around €3,000 of change is thrown in the Trevi Fountain by tourists daily.

@richdeniro Ask that girl out again this morning. She's already let you know she's free on Saturday, so she's done half the work for you. Sounds like you both had a great time. Really pleased for you.

I love quick meetings after matching. They are definately more successful ime.

As I'm child free and MrAbs and I are slowing things down, I've arranged to go out for drinks with a friend tonight. I know if I don't arrange something there's more than a distinct possibility I'd end up at his. I was supposed to be seeing him tonight but we rearranged and met earlier in the week and drum roll.....I didn't stay over . Will see him again on Sunday for date number 5. He's still giving me major fizzy knickers which is making it very hard to be objective as to whether there's any long term potential .

Good luck on your dates shit and Scot

Does anyone feel it's like pulling teeth trying to arrange dates?

Mr J. - self confessed non over investor. You'd think if ask him to marry me not have a drink on Saturday! I don't mind asking a man for a drink, but you think he'd show some enthusiasm!

Mr E. Is on Sunday, I had to ask him. He is a sloooow burner argh!

Is anyone elses experiences like this? Do men keep their cards close to their chest these days?

@waitingformrhardy yes I get you with that, however I usually get bored and the chat ends!

I went on a date last night and there was zero spark! I spent the evening wishing I'd taken up the offer of seeing the guy who isn't wanting to be exclusive whilst sleeping with me!

It took a lot of will power not to text him - argh!

Cool sorry missed your comment before: thanks!

Rich sounds great timing. Hope things go well for you

Good luck with your Italian Scot and shit may I draw your attention to Rule 3? I know you’re not properly emotionally investing, but try not to worry about attraction either. I used to get nervous, but now I just take the view that I’m meeting someone for an interesting chat (the Coffee Only and time boundary helps there) and that kind of removes the “will I? Will they?” white noise. If there’s chemistry, great; if not, it’s been an interesting hour or so with someone I’ve not met before, nor will again. No stress.

Waiting they get a week. Max. I like dynamic blokes and I also like to feel pursued. So if that’s not there then I’m not flogging a dead horse. It’s just my way and I know I’m old fashioned (or just plain old ) and I own that .
I think men generally might be more lazy now we have the internet (the plethora of “just ask” profiles illustrates that for me) or, in the case of Bumble, might be there so the woman does all the work (erm no, I just send the first message then it’s 50/50 conversational effort thankyouverymuch).
If you like a man to show he’s interested and keep the momentum going then that’s fine. If you like driving the dating train yourself that’s also fine. It’s just a question of finding the type of bloke that suits your style. Doesn’t sound like either of these two are, IMO.
So I guess that’s a long winded way of saying “no I don’t find it like pulling teeth, but that’s cos I bin off the ones that don’t suit me pretty quickly and accept I might have to go on less frequent dates”

Morning
I've had 2 messages on Match this morning..one guy from the same town as me, commenting on how crap said town is...nothing else and the other guy saying "you're cute". The same guy also sent a generic crap message in august and I didn't reply. I just ignore messages I'm not interested in (most of them) but after looking at the 'you're not entitled' instagram page, I'm very tempted to reply and tell him dogs are "cute", i'm not a dog I'm a 40 year old woman
Honestly, does this shit work for some men?
I'm actually dating one of the only men I've replied to on Match at the moment so not looking for anyone else but still...makes me so mad!

JeSuis who decided to slow things down first?

Sunshine I love reading that Instagram page. I've never had the nerve to send a reply to the 'your cute' brigade (deliberate bad grammar because it usually is). But maybe we should stand up to these men who think sending an opening message of 'hello pretty girl' is ok

rich good to hear about your date. Hope you've got that second one booked in now.

Waiting I have no problem asking for a date but if they can't make an effort then they're binned.

Good luck to those with dates coming up.
Not sure my date 2 will happen. He's gone a bit quiet on me. Never a good sign

I need advice guys! So I've had two dates now with a bloke and we really hit it off etc, our 2nd date was last Thursday and we've planned for him to stay over at mine this Sunday night.

I'm really struggling with the big gap in between as contact is through msging only. The msging is getting few and far between which worries me as it could fizzle out. He is very busy this week with work which is why the long gap but I'm worried it's going to be an issue

I'm just left feeling a bit flat and dissatisfied now and I don't mean sexually which is such a shame as I really fancy him and see potential. My insecurities tell me he's bored now and I'll get the dreaded msg

It was mutual Milliy, after realising that we were probably both jumping in feet first and letting our hearts rule our heads, we had a proper sensible grown up chat (very refreshing after exdh). He's had one 18 month relationship after his divorce 4 years ago and been on lots of first and a few second dates via OLD, but nothing more serious than that as far as I'm aware. As for myself, this is my first "back in the saddle" relationship since I separated 18 months ago, so I'm pretty wary about getting into something serious sooner than I'm comfortable with. I don't want to live with another man (ever?), and I'm not looking for a step father for my child.

Yes, we did DTD very quickly, and it has formed a huge part of how we relate to each other, but we're both adults, and I don't think either of us feel we've been used or manipulated by the other. If it ended now, I'd like to think that we'd remain friends with no hard feelings.