Catching my husband cheating?

[dontpointatme]

I can go into the back story later if needed, I just need to know if I need to get this set up quickly…

In a nutshell, I'm 99% certain my "D"H is up to something. I've found out from the wife of his friend that he cheated a while ago and he's been behaving so suspiciously recently that I'm sure he's up to something again. I'm not kicking him out though until I have proof, as he'd just go for the wounded party thing, and I'm not having that. He denies everything when confronted.

So, he's away apparently visiting a friend this weekend... I can't follow him to see where he goes as I have commitments that I can't get out of, so my (psycho wife) idea is to send my old phone with a PAYG sim hidden in in his car, so I can see where he (or at least his car) actually is...

Forget the rights and wrongs, will this work to track him assuming the phone is on silent and Bluetooth etc turned off so the car doesn't link to the phone? Am I completely insane?

You don’t have to say anymore if you don’t want to - iykwim. Why on earth did he give her presents - was he gobsmacked you found the invoice trail ? Has he seriously underestimated you ?

This man is insulting your intelligence op

You can't be buying this shit surely!??

Even if you do make him leave you'll question if you did the right thing because he doesn't even have the balls to do the decent thing and be honest.

This is terrible

Hope he's realised what an idiot he's been and what he's lost.

Wishing you well in the coming days .

Forgive me OP, but I think you are in denial.
And in the end you will stay together with him. And you need to hang on to this belief that nothin happened.

You do know that most of the affairs that are discovered do not lead to breakdown of marriages.
And it’s OK to not want to.
It’s OK to forgive and work on changing/improving/healing the relationship.

But just don’t fool yourself. Can’t move on and heal if you do.

Ok I think we can back off the OP now regarding her being in denial.

In denial or not, she is divorcing him so does it make a difference? She can't cite adultery as her reason for divorce anyway as she can't prove it even if it DID happen.

It's still so fresh so she is entitled to believe what she wants for now. Whether she changes her thoughts in the future after everything has settled down is a different matter but right now she's being hounded off the very thread that was providing her with support.

No?

Agree @shalda

Why is everybody telling the OP she's in denial and you can't be buying this shit ?

She's dumped him. She's divorcing the tosser. How the fuck is that being denial? What more do you want from the woman? Does she have to do some kind of heart-rending post about her pain to prove that she knows he's a cheating scumbag?

Her marriage has ended today. Support not criticism is probably the way to go.

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you are telling some people in real life what is going on. You need people you love and trust around you.

I really feel for you OP. Sounds like your husband has been a right idiot. Remember you don't have to rush into any decisions for your long term future no matter what other people might be advising. Take care good care of yourself

Well done on having the talk.
Your next move is to see a solicitor and see what you are entitled to etc...
Get a list of all assets.
Accounts, savings, pensions, etc.....
What his wage is and then see what they say.
Sorry again that you are going through this.
But you sound strong on the outside.

Well handled OP

@dontpointatme

How are you?

I'm ok I think. DSS here this weekend so it's a strange one, everything as "normal". I haven't asked to look at his phone or credit card statements, I don't know if there's much point really. I'm done, so does it matter? Don't want to drive myself crazy by keeping on looking for more.

@DontPoint you are doing what is necessary to proceed. We are here if you need advice. None of us is in your shoes, however many of us have been in similar and might have points to pass along.
You trusted him, his words are worthless as he spoke with his actions.
Find s solicitor, get advice, talk to people you trust, get their input. Get all your ducks in a row and then decide how you will proceed and make that happen.
Don't let him steal your joy. You have awesome talents and you will reignite your passion in them in time.
This will take time, but you can do this!

So after all of that, we had talked and I think he thought he had talked me round (he hadn't). She took ill at work today, taken in ambulance to hospital (has happened before, recently diagnosed with something). Anyway, he's spent 5 hours there with her today. Obviously, he had to be there, as a grown woman she couldn't be there on her own...

He's currently on his way here to be told his bag is packed. He really doesn't see why today is a problem at all!! The man is bloody deluded.

Wow, he really is deluded! Well done @dontpointatme for keeping strong!

@dontpointatme

Be strong and don't crumble like i did. Albeit my crumble didn't last long

I have recently been through something similar, I caught my ex cheating. It took him nearly four weeks to tell me exactly what happened, he wanted time to put it into words!

That was fine because in that four weeks, I gathered everything about the OW. I had so much info that when I threw it at him he squealed like a pig, claiming 'how did I know so much!!!

After many long talks and him talking me around, I offered to give him a second chance....... I mean he wouldn't be stupid enough to cheat again so soon would he? He actually lasted 24 hours before falling back into her bed.

Thankfully I had already kicked him out four weeks prior. In hindsight I'm glad he only lasted a day, because I would be kicking myself now had he actually come back.

Goodness he is deluded! WTF does he think, that this behaviour is all totally acceptable. 5 hrs with her at hospital.
Of course there's something going on. Chuck him out and tell him it's finished once and for all. and a friend over. Be good to yourself.

Wow he really has taken the piss now FFS. Get this cut and dried as soon as possible OP. He must know the hospital thing is a red rag to a bull but he has done it anyway. What an ass.

@shesaysgoes he's not getting another chance. I can totally see how easy it would be to try though, being the mean one telling them to go is just horrible isn't it.

I feel worse for him than I do for me, which is just crazy. He's still flat out denying anything physical happened, and it's ludicrous but I still kind of believe him. Not that it matters a jot.

Anyway, now operation keep a roof over our heads begins. I need to apply for whatever I can get in benefits as my wage will just cover the bills without food and petrol... upping my hours at work won't help as then I'd have to pay for more nursery fees. Aarrgghh, this is shit 😣

To be honest, in some ways I could forgive something physical over something emotional. I just can't believe that amidst all that is happening between you he thought going to the hospital with her was a good idea. If he had anything about him he would totally be keeping his distance from her.

Don't forget cms payments for your little one when looking at finances.

Jesus this tosser really is piece of work

As if he spent the day at hospital with her!!!

He must think you were born yesterday. Is he actually saying he’s not having an affiar? Men are thick!!!

Well done OP and I hope you're ok. Him sitting by her bedside must be a real kick in the teeth. I'm amazed he can't see it's an issue

Wow. Just wanted to say how dignified and classy you've been through this. Onwards and upwards