Catching my husband cheating?

[dontpointatme]

I can go into the back story later if needed, I just need to know if I need to get this set up quickly…

In a nutshell, I'm 99% certain my "D"H is up to something. I've found out from the wife of his friend that he cheated a while ago and he's been behaving so suspiciously recently that I'm sure he's up to something again. I'm not kicking him out though until I have proof, as he'd just go for the wounded party thing, and I'm not having that. He denies everything when confronted.

So, he's away apparently visiting a friend this weekend... I can't follow him to see where he goes as I have commitments that I can't get out of, so my (psycho wife) idea is to send my old phone with a PAYG sim hidden in in his car, so I can see where he (or at least his car) actually is...

Forget the rights and wrongs, will this work to track him assuming the phone is on silent and Bluetooth etc turned off so the car doesn't link to the phone? Am I completely insane?

Holy moly, I am so sorry! As you say, trust is broken. Can you ask his work about the course? Or call his work in the morning and innocently ask if he is there?

I feel shit for you OP. This is the beginning or a long road of stress/hassle and upset for you and your family...but you WILL get through it and you WILL be stronger for it. I'm glad you have support in RL

Ha, I wish I could. He's self employed so it's his business. There are only 4 staff and one of them has gone with him. I'll probably never know if he's actually been or not.

Sorry you are having to do this 💐

Are they in the same room?

If the company is his, try to get ahold of the invoices/accountant and check to books for the booking of the hotel.

It's too small a business, he does the accounts. I'm never going to know so will have to go with my gut I'm afraid. That says there was no good reason for them to go yesterday at all, if they are flying today then the flight is at 14:15 so not an early start at all from here. It's all bullshit.

OP has her proof. As she says, he shouldn't have been there at all. Neither should the other member of staff.

All the best, OP. MN is always here, and hope you have RL support too

Your original post said he was visiting a friend 3 hours away, then he's flying to Germany for 'the course'. You said you couldn't follow him due to commitments then you see him leaving town with OW, and then somehow have a photo of his car outside a hotel 2 hours away. So you hired a PI? Is it just me?

@NotAnotherParkingFine I put that he was visiting a friend in case the woman I suspected something was going on with was on here.

I couldn't follow him two hours away as I have a 2yo with me, however I did get someone to park up and see if he turned toward the motorway or toward her house at the junction. When they said he'd gone to hers I bundled my toddler into the car and drove past as they were leaving.

By chance a friend was flying from the same place today on holiday and staying in a hotel overnight. The hotel that they are in is 15 mins from the airport so they drove by and checked if he was there for me and sent me the pic so I had proof. Happy now??

What a shit onefor you OP... I’m in a similar situation and all you want is simply the truth. Does it feel any better now you know? Also, have you started getting all your ducks in a row re finances & paperwork? I’d check bank balances and get as much shifted out of joint accounts as possible; you’ll need it. There’ll be others that protest that it’s wrong and eventually you’ll have to put it back but fuck that... I’d rather know me and DS were good to go. Well done you for getting real guts of the matter x

It would feel better if he'd just admit he's wrong but is still just firing bullshit at me I'm afraid. At least that just helps to solidify my position in my head though and keeps me on track. We've been going to marriage counselling recently and I have an appointment with her on my own tomorrow so that should be fun. Bet she's not expecting this update!

Finances are a bloody mess - there's no money to move, but loads of debt. I really don't know how DC and I are going to cope with universal credit being such a clusterfuck, but luckily my mum will help out for now if need be short term.

I have absolutely no idea what to do right now, other than drink coffee and feel sorry for myself for this morning. Sounds like a good short term plan to me though

You go op. Wish I had your guts

I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you have your mum and friends to support you.

Terrible situation for you OP, I really feel for you, but good on you for acting on your instincts straight away. At least you know, though that's scant consolation.

OP, what an absolute shitter. And what a total prick your STBXH is. Have all the

You could create an email account, using the other womans name (gmail or yahoo) and ring the hotel (when you know they have departed obviously) and pretend to be her and that you need a copy of the invoice for the accounts and give them the email address. Say you can't remember if the booking was under the company or persons name.

I did this and got a copy of the invoice for the hotel my husband and his affair partner had stayed in, with details of the room and room service. He was meant to be with family and it gave me the proof.

Does your husband use gmail? If he does and you know the password, look at myactivity.google.com/myactivity as that shows quite a lot of detail if you are trying to get evidence.

I hope you get the answers you need to move on.

Doesn't he have family he can stay with....or maybe he can bunk in with the "workmate"? I think it's really shit that you are having to share a house with him and really typical (of women in general) that we always try to be kind and put everyone else's needs before our own. He will hound you if you let him stay in the house. And depending on who the house belongs to, names on mortgage etc, he might refuse to leave again and might be legally entitled to do this. Is there anywhere you can go to?

Rest assured that when he returns he will gamble on his charms and powers of persuasion to try to convince you that it's all innocent. No doubt about it. It's your fault for not being trusting/too controlling/not understanding enough, etc etc.

I fully expect you will never hear the full story as he will lie and lie. Then he'll lie some more. They all do.

Oh yeah, even last night he turned it round on me for the "so you're following me now" stuff. Well yes, I checked up on you because you're a lying piece of crap and got caught!

I'm dreading seeing him tomorrow when he gets back but it's got to be done sometime.

Don't let him turn this around on you

Just in case no one has said it, might be an idea to get a copy of any business related documents in the house. Including pension.

· Do you require a refresher/reminder of your Marriage Vows?
· I understand, from a reliable source, this is not the first adulterous occasion.
· Witnesses, written and photographic evidence exist for this weekend.
Best of luck OP

Is there any possibility of you 'popping' to his office to use his computer? You never know passwords etc might be saved so you have a better idea of how much money /assets there are. He obviously has money to spend on expensive hotels, the fucker! You might also be able to do a little digging with his other employees. You sound lovely, kind and considerate but you need to protect yours and your child's future now. Good luck

I think it's quite delicious that they checked into a posh hotel all geared up for a night of torrid shagging and instead he's spent the evening freaking out and sending panicked texts to you instead. That must have been a bucket of cold water over their ardour.

Anyway, semantics are irrelevant. He lied to you about travel details and you have proof that he was elsewhere with another woman. Whether they were up to kinky shit or playing scrabble is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he lied about it to you. And has continued to lie so you can't trust him any more. Hold firm, you've done brilliantly so far.

Well just in case he thought he could talk his way out of it...

She posted some pictures on Instagram of some gifts that she was given a few weeks ago saying how lucky she was. Designer shoes and a coat. I've just tracked down where sells them and the idiot has created accounts using his usual password that I know when he bought them. So I have pdf copies of the invoices. Whoops!!