Deep breath - and a name change. I’ve been married for a lot of years, 2 DC grown and flown. My DH has worked hard to support all of us, and is a good man in every way. But the last four years have been horrendous. He has had a series of health related things, none of which have been diagnosed as anything serious, but his mental state is very fragile. He’s snappy, self obsessed, and miserable as sin. He doesn’t want to see friends or family, and complains that nobody understands what he is going through. He obsesses about diet and exercise, and judges everyone else by what he feels is the right way to live. In his good moments he knows he needs help with sorting himself out, but he won’t see a doctor about anything that isn’t physical.
I’ve become his carer, the sounding board for all his rants, and spend my time trying to smooth his path as much as I can, because I know this isn’t really him, and that somewhere underneath all this shit is the man I married, despite the fact that he doesn’t see me as anything like a wife.
Now it gets bad. I’ve got a hobby that I love, it takes me outside and away from all the grief at home. It’s quite a blokey sport, I’m one of only a couple of women. And we go to the pub afterwards, and there’s always lots of chat, although I’d never said anything about what’s going on at home. One evening a few months ago I just let it all out to a man I’ve known for a couple of years, and he just put his arms round me while I had a good cry.
This is all so horribly predictable. He’s been really lovely, and over the last few months we’ve got very close. He’s in a miserable marriage as well (he’s not a bullshitter, we have mutual friends who know his situation). Last weekend we went away with a group, and the inevitable happened. It doesn’t help that it was the best sex of my life, although maybe if you haven’t DTD for four years that’s always going to seem the case.
I’ve spent the last four days in a total mind fog. This whole thing is so not like anything I’d ever have considered, I can’t quite believe it’s happened. The OM has messaged me, apologising and offered to back right off, move to another club etc. I haven’t had the bottle to even contact him back. Wise women, judge away because mea culpa and all that, but please tell me what I can do now to make this even slightly less terrible that it already is. Thanks for sticking with this, didn’t mean to make it so long.