DH has called DD an ‘insufferable c#%t’ - am horrified

[Havetonamechangeforthisone]

I have nc-ed for this. She ‘disrespected’ him (she is 14) and he shouted that at her and told her to fuck off (repeatedly) get out of his house and stop using his electricity and eating his food.

I’m in utter shock and horrified.
In the meantime DH has not spoken to her or me or our other DD for 72hours and continues to ignore us.

He’s had similar outbursts/sulks before but this takes the cake!!

I don’t know what to do. I’m so angry about how she’s been treated. Resigned/bored with the sulking. Have learnt not to initiate conversation but have to wait until it’s brought up. It’s absolutely unacceptable but what can I do about it??!! Feel totally helpless.

Any advice?

Message from MNHQ: The OP has updated the thread. Please read her recent post here.

Is he their dad? Not that it really matters it is disgusting behaviour.
You either need to get him to move out or move out yourself.

OP are you ok?

Dump him. Nobody should have to put up with that shit. Not you, not your DD.

I don't say this lightly, but you should get out. You really should, all of what you're describing is unacceptable.

Please look after your daughters, show them they matter. They will be looking at what you do next.

He sounds a horrible man. I'm sorry.

Absolutely leave the fucking bastard. How could you not? How could you stay with someone who treats you and your daughters like this?

You know if she told school this...you'd likely have SS involved.

He's abusive.
It's not a one off.

She'll grow up remembering dad's abuse and mum doing nothing about it. Not protecting her from it.

Then you'll wonder why you don't have a great relationship with her and she doesn't come and visit you much.

That is emotional abuse. I am with Lizzie on this one your dd will never forget her dd saying that to her but she will never forget you did not throw him out to protect all of your children and yourself. You say he often sulks like this. He needs to learn to grow up and show his family respect. Have a chat to your children and ask them if they would feel more comfortable if he no lived with you. You sound as if you have suffered emotional abuse for so long you feel there is nothing you can do. You are wrong you can take control. Don't let your dh get away with this or you will be teaching your children that is what women should take form a man. Think.

My ex (note the use of that word) husband was like this. We could go for days with him refusing to speak to me. lt's a form of control, and the longer you put up with it, the worse it'll get.
You have a choice whether or not to live in this situation. Your children don't. The ball's in your court.

Pack his bags, he's the cunt! And I hate to use that word but it fits this time. Nobody would talk to my kids in that way and get to stay under the same roof as them.

This would be an absolute deal-breaker. Please don't let the way you go forward from this give your daughter the message that you - and she - can tolerate such appalling treatment.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but names can never hurt me"

Wrong. She will neither forget nor forgive. She needs your help OP.

Any advice?

Take a look at this thread and see what your future will be like.

protect your children.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3416285-To-destroy-my-mothers-happiness-to-protect-my-daughter-from-my-father-Please-help-me

Leave him.

He called your 14yo a cunt?

Fuck him. Leave him.

I’m sorry, but what did she actually do OP? All this LTB frothing 🙄, 14 year old girls can be vile.

Advice? Yes. Get rid.

Put your daughters first and don’t bring them up in a house with this awful man. Imagine what damage his behaviour is doing.

I don’t care what she did. No parent should be verbally abusive nor emotionally manipulative.

Tell him to leave.

He's a grown adult! What sort of behaviour is he modelling to her and your other dd. It's absolutely appalling. Kick him out and tell him to grow up.

So if he'd hit her you'd be asking what she said? Doesn't matter what she said, there was no excuse for an adult to behave like this towards a child. Would it be okay for a teacher to do this? I think not.

OP, get rid of him, he sounds utterly vile.

i was horrible at 14 but a fucking cunt really?

i wouldnt call anyone that let alone family

Ilikebigbots

This was my life growing up, except when my Mum divorced my Dad she continued the abusive behaviour. Children who grow up seeing abusive behaviour mimic said behaviour, yes she is 14 now but has probably seen this kind if behaviour her whole life and it is now ingrained in to her, at 14 she is very immature still and hasn't learned how to properly reign in her behaviour. Treating her the way her Father (or OP's husband if he's not her Dad) does not help to stop her bad behaviour it just causes more resentment and hate towards both her parents if one initiates and the other does nothing to stop it.

I love this quote so much 'when our little people have big emotions it is our job as a parent to bring calm to them, not to join their chaos' while o can promise that it is so much easier said than done, as a parent that is what we should aim for every day IMO, goodness knows we all do a shitty job of it sometimes but you need to get straight back on the horse and try to fix it when you f**k up, not act like it's everyone else's fault.

Before you teach your daughter she deserves this (because she’s vile???) make him leave.

Too many excuses made for men’s intolerable behaviour. Nothing on earth would make me do what he did

Before you teach your daughters marriage is disposable you need to talk to DH first. Is he under a lot of stress? Is he mentally unwell?

He won't talk to her - have you read her post? 72 hours silence. But I love that you think teaching your daughter that marriage is disposable (it is as a matter of fact) is far far worse than teaching her that she must tolerate violent abuse if the person giving it to her is a man under a lot of stress or mentally unwell. Not for my daughters thanks.

And what on earth does this even mean?

What he is doing is so against his biology i’d look for a fixable reason first.

Unfortunately it is utterly within men's biology to want to denigrate, abuse and assault women. God knows why but there it is. But there is a solution! A "fixable" thing. Find a decent man who doesn't behave like that. Or live without one.

OP, if you think this is utterly out of character book a doctor's appointment for your dh pronto - he possibly has a brain tumour. I would do that if dh suddenly behaved like that. But I suspect this isn't out of character at all - you just never thought he would be as vile to his daughter as he is to you.

14 year old girls can be vile.

WTAF?

@IlikebigbotsandIcannotlie

He called his daughter a fucking cunt. He is an adult, she is a child.

Oh yes, he must be mentally unwell/stressed. Oh for goodness sake, that seems to be an excuse trotted out quite a lot. Maybe he is, doesn't mean either OP or her 14 year old daughter should be in the firing line. If he has issues he can sort them out elsewhere. Fucking hell! When I become seriously depressed I hide in my room and don't speak to anyone, I don't swear at people and make them feel like shit.

sorry, insufferable cunt.

Still foul.