DH has called DD an ‘insufferable c#%t’ - am horrified

[Havetonamechangeforthisone]

I have nc-ed for this. She ‘disrespected’ him (she is 14) and he shouted that at her and told her to fuck off (repeatedly) get out of his house and stop using his electricity and eating his food.

I’m in utter shock and horrified.
In the meantime DH has not spoken to her or me or our other DD for 72hours and continues to ignore us.

He’s had similar outbursts/sulks before but this takes the cake!!

I don’t know what to do. I’m so angry about how she’s been treated. Resigned/bored with the sulking. Have learnt not to initiate conversation but have to wait until it’s brought up. It’s absolutely unacceptable but what can I do about it??!! Feel totally helpless.

Any advice?

Message from MNHQ: The OP has updated the thread. Please read her recent post here.

I think that you and your daughter should go out together for a nice walk and have a chat. Let her know she can talk to you about anything and how her dad's outburst and use of words is not acceptable and how no man should talk to anyone like this let alone his daughter. I would then sit down with him and tell him calmly that he needs to apologize to her and if he does not he is gone. He has to know this is unacceptable and disgusting. Does he generally have outbursts and sulk afterwards. Why is he so angry, is he depressed or just always been a bully. If you can you should go with your daughter and have a few days away somewhere to think free from him and have some relaxing times with your daughter and think hard do you want or need him in your lives. For me this would not be acceptable at all.

Well done to you for leaving him and starting over. Wishing you the best for you and your girls. Do not ever let anyone think anything is your fault. You were manipulated and bullied and he is a narcissist and no one knows what that is like unless they are in the situation and how hard it is to leave as they break you down until it is hard to function. So well done and things will get better and you can have peace of mind.

Op, so glad to read you and your girls are free of him now, even though you all have healing to do.

Please do not get into a cycle of blaming yourself for not heaving earlier - the "shoulda woulda coulda" I call it.

It's very natural when something traumatic has happened for us to start a negative self talk pattern. "I should have left earlier. I should have fought harder. I shouldn't have worn that outfit. I shouldn't have smiled at that man."

Instead, I've learned it's better and healthier to show compassion to ourselves for the decisions we made at the time and to ask what we have learned from it going forward.

We may also choose to use our experience to help others going through the same thing. Which is why so many of us hang around on MN encouraging women to NOT tolerate abuse and to support them in leaving. And to celebrate 🎉 with them when they come back and update that they have 😊

You brave woman

Wishing you and your dds all the best.

Wishing you and your DDs health & happiness. You all deserve it.

fucking hell! read this thread from page 1 i'm glad you finally left him. he's an abusive arse and hopefully his mistress will come to realise that in her own sweet time. being a man for me it would be role reversal but i would never let a woman talk to me or my kids like that. and sorry but all the comments saying"what did dd do or say"bollocks! she was 14 years old. still a child. some of the minimising on this thread totally has me baffled.