Dealbreaker, am I right?

[Greenskybluegrass]

My BF of four months made a comment about my DD10 and now I need to end the relationship. I just need to check that I’m not overreacting.

BF hasn’t met my children, they don’t know about him. He stayed over Saturday night as my kids were away. On Sunday morning I was making him a quick piece of toast before he left (kids due back) and asked what he wanted on it, he said he wanted some of the Maltesers chocolate spread which was in a jar on the side.

I made a jokey comment about it how it “belonged” to DD10 (she’d chosen it in the shop) and that I hoped she wouldn’t notice.

He then said that he’d already tried it and when I took the lid off I could see that a bit more had gone. He said he’d helped himself with his finger and then he made a comment about DD10 “having a long man’s finger in her sweet pot (fnarr, fnarr)” which was a clearly sexualised comment. I replied with a shocked “That’s my ten year old daughter you’re talking about!” He then left and I think I need to end things because his comment has totally creeped me out.

(I've namechanged due to the content)

jesus what did I just read.. good on you OP for trusting your instincts .. sending the best of wishes

Fucking hell op. You've had a narrow escape well done for trusting your instincts. What did the police say?

This is so scary. Well done for trusting your gut and protecting your children. If only every mother managed to do so. Really spooky. Take care and at the risk of sounding sexist, for the next few months keep a few close friends on call, male or female, so you have someone to come over if he bothers you. You dont have to tell them the full story if you don’t want to.
And keep an eye out for cars parked on the street with people waiting in them, keep your children close and although I wouldn’t want to inform the school, if only there was some way to ensure he doesnt track your kids. (Sorry to scare you, i am a scaredy-cat and dont open my doors after dark, and often only with a chain on)

God he’s fucking sick 🤢 What did the police say OP?

That is really sick - what a lucky escape.. I hope the police look into it..

This just sounds so creepy - you have had a really lucky escape that he showed his true colours before he had met your children

If he's autistic he's also fucked up. I'm autistic and I'd scream at him until he left my house if he said that.

The police said that they will do it under Claire's law (although they might do Sarah's law, they still had t decide when I left, shame they can't do both together!)

Apparently if they find anything urgent they might visit me within 24hrs otherwise if they find something that's not urgent I'll have a meeting in a police station within 10 days (if they find nothing at all I think I hear nothing, I'm not sure)
Apparently only 10% of requests come back positive

That is utterly terrifying. You poor thing OP.

I would just not message him. He probably has realised he has been sussed, and don't contact again but I'd block his number when you're ready anyways.

he probably has realised he's been sussed
for him this is a learning experience next time he will be more careful and his next victim won't be able to spot him until it's too late

His desperation to get to the children is extremely worrying. Please ensure he doesn't come back.

Well done OP, it's always best to trust your instincts . Soon you and your family will be able to move on from this. Thankfully you'd not let him anywhere near your children and hopefully this means that if he has done anything or even if he hasn't his name and this request will be logged with the police should anything happen in the future, which should make any future issues/convictions/charges easier to prosecute.

He's never coming back. I feel like I need a bath in bleach

Jesus OP. He sounds beyond creepy. So glad you're getting him out of your life. What a weirdo

You'll be fine now he's gone. It's just the adrenaline wearing off. Deep breaths and do something that relaxes you or that you enjoy. We're all here for you take whatever you need.

Ergh his comment literally made my jaw drop! My husband asked if I’d just received terrible news. Glad you’ve been to the police. I wouldn’t have been as calm as you!

What a disgusting man. I wouldn't be surprised if they find out he's a convicted paedophile to be honest. I hope they check his house and computers.

Delete and block.

I've been holding my breath reading this. I'm so pleased he's gone and you've reported it.

By reduce contact, I hope you mean ‘to zero’. At a minimum: what a creep.

Well done OP for trusting your instincts and going to the police. What a vile, sick man!

I think this is grooming 'quick and dirty' Style
Instead of taking a long time to gradually break down the boundaries he goes in for the kill straight away with an outrageous statement
if he can it get you to accept that then he knows that he can just go on and do what he wants
If on the other hand you realise that he's a a paedophile he can just skip town and not invest any more time in this particular project so it's like a way to identify potential victims very quickly

I feel upset today. I've remembered other stuff he said. One time we were cooking and I jokingly told him not to come up behind me with a knife (it was all innocent) and he replied saying that if he wanted to cause me harm I wouldn't see the knife and I'd already be dead (he was referring to his army training)

I had a brain injury earlier this year and I'm really freaked out that I've only just started to put all these pieces together, now I'm really scared that my judgement is very poor

Ew. How did you meet this man?

Sadly, this type of man can be anywhere, you can meet them at work, at a party, at church, anywhere. My DM didn't spot what DSis and I were going through at the hands of our abusive F and we're living with the consequences of that.

I'm so glad you've sussed this man out before he's had a chance to do any damage. How creepy.

But you have sussed him out now. Go gently on yourself. You've done so very well to spot these things.