Dealbreaker, am I right?

[Greenskybluegrass]

My BF of four months made a comment about my DD10 and now I need to end the relationship. I just need to check that I’m not overreacting.

BF hasn’t met my children, they don’t know about him. He stayed over Saturday night as my kids were away. On Sunday morning I was making him a quick piece of toast before he left (kids due back) and asked what he wanted on it, he said he wanted some of the Maltesers chocolate spread which was in a jar on the side.

I made a jokey comment about it how it “belonged” to DD10 (she’d chosen it in the shop) and that I hoped she wouldn’t notice.

He then said that he’d already tried it and when I took the lid off I could see that a bit more had gone. He said he’d helped himself with his finger and then he made a comment about DD10 “having a long man’s finger in her sweet pot (fnarr, fnarr)” which was a clearly sexualised comment. I replied with a shocked “That’s my ten year old daughter you’re talking about!” He then left and I think I need to end things because his comment has totally creeped me out.

(I've namechanged due to the content)

That's is so horrible and your reaction is spot on, dump and never look back.

You know what? You NEVER need to check that you are overreacting. You can end a short relationship like this for any reason you chose. Any. You owe this man nothing - you don't live together, have children together, you're just dating. He's a creep. I'd dump him for what he did alone, even without the comment. I wouldn't dream of helping myself to groceries in my friend's house unless they told me to help myself in advance. You ask, not assume. But using your finger? That's revolting.
And the comment? He'd have been out the door there and then. Get rid! I'd actually ghost this man. He's a vile perv.

He sounds absolutely disgusting...who says something like that!!??
why did you not kick him out then and there!!!???

After he said it, I couldn't look at him, so I don't know if he looked embarrassed. He didn't audibly apologise.
He left pretty much straight away.

I have this thing from past trauma where if if a man says or does something shocking I kind of shut down and carry on in survival mode like on autopilot and I only process it later on.

I woke up suddenly at 3am with this comment on my mind as it came back to me then

Please protect your daughter and keep this man away! Sounds like a perv.

Yes. You're right.

Yes you are right - total deal-breaker.
Well done on sorting it quickly.
NEXT...!

Gross. But thank goodness you were alerted to this before he's met your children - now you can make sure this doesn't happen. YY to taking a while to process things like this. But yeah, bin him asap.

I do the shut down thing. I totally get that. But yes this is a huge deal breaker.

Sick fucker.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.

I can guarantee that if I ever said anything like that about my stepdaughters my girlfriend would show me the door immediately. And rightly so.

It's irrelevant if it's a sign of something even more sinister. If the relationship was to progress, could you ever feel comfortable knowing he was able to think about your prepubescent daughter in a sexualised context?

Even aside from the scary issues, he was somehow unable to predict your disgust - how much of an idiot must he be?

That was beyond foul. The worst case scenario is that he is a paedophile who is with you only to obtain access to your daughter. The comment could be the start of checking you out to see if you accepted it without objecting - early grooming, as it were.
The “best” case scenario is that he is a creepy sexist misogynist shit.
Either way, the only appropriate response is dump him, as all the PPs have recommended.

Well done for recognising him for what he is, and never seeing him again.

Weird and creepy and peado-y as fuck.

Worry about any other women he's gets involved with and their female relatives.

Oh and sticking your finger into a jar of food other people will be eating is disgusting and unhygienic too (though obviously not the main issue).

You know what you need to do.

I'm a total creep and say weird stuff like that all the time, but about a ten year old? That's properly rank, definitely bin him. If he asks tell him exactly why too. Gads!!

He’s showed you who he is. Be grateful you found out so early in the relationship and end it now.

This took me a few moments to click (I'm like Trigger).

I read this out to my mum and said I didn't get the sexualised aspect.......... Then I did. We were both stunned and sat in silence for many seconds. I am utterly disgusted and would even consider alerting the Police. I know I'm going to get a few for suggesting that but how else are they going to get these monsters without tip offs?
No, people can't go round making false allegations but what this weirdo said rings sufficient alarm bells for me

Absolutely disgusting. Hope you bin him and the jar 🤢

Get rid of him, straight away. No decent man could ever consider that sort of comment appropriate in any way. What a vile excuse for a man.

The sticking of his finger in the jar of spread without invitation would be enough for me. Bad mannered & creepy to boot. LTB fir sure x

Grim. Just block him and never speak to him again.

He's grooming you to try and get access to your daughter, his grooming techniques are not subtle are they
He sounds sinister, very bad news fortunately not very bright or sophisticated