Dealbreaker, am I right?

[Greenskybluegrass]

My BF of four months made a comment about my DD10 and now I need to end the relationship. I just need to check that I’m not overreacting.

BF hasn’t met my children, they don’t know about him. He stayed over Saturday night as my kids were away. On Sunday morning I was making him a quick piece of toast before he left (kids due back) and asked what he wanted on it, he said he wanted some of the Maltesers chocolate spread which was in a jar on the side.

I made a jokey comment about it how it “belonged” to DD10 (she’d chosen it in the shop) and that I hoped she wouldn’t notice.

He then said that he’d already tried it and when I took the lid off I could see that a bit more had gone. He said he’d helped himself with his finger and then he made a comment about DD10 “having a long man’s finger in her sweet pot (fnarr, fnarr)” which was a clearly sexualised comment. I replied with a shocked “That’s my ten year old daughter you’re talking about!” He then left and I think I need to end things because his comment has totally creeped me out.

(I've namechanged due to the content)

Just to add, my boyfriend, best friend, several other friends/acquaintances and I are all on the autistic spectrum. We are all very different with different levels of understanding/capabilities re social norms and interactions.

Not a single one of us would make a sexually inappropriate comment and certainly not one about an underage child.

And even if he were on the autistic spectrum, and this did account for his comment (it doesn't and it wouldn't) it would still not make a comment of that nature acceptable on any level.

If his understanding of social norms/conventions and interactions are this poor, for whatever reason, then he is NOT someone you would want around your children anyway.

You are not over reacting.

Erm adios wackadoodle!

I'm both saddened and angered by the seemingly constant implication that being an arsehole is synonymous with autism, it really isn't. It makes me think public understanding of autism is getting worse not better

Same here.

Have you binned him too? Really hope so.

Good grief that is absolutely revolting. What a disgusting thing to say. I wouldn’t even end it with him OP. Just block him and forget he ever existed.

He can be socially awkward and says he's on the autistic spectrum

It doesn't matter. He can't say stuff like that.

You won't be able to relax around him now.

My stomach just turned over reading your OP. How gross...🤢

I'm not a pearl-clutcher in the slightest, but that's minging. He'd be out of the door if he'd said that to me about my child.

You know I spend a vast amount of my social time with autistic adults and I've yet to meet one who blurts out something sexual about a child. It's an insult really what he's said as well as creepy. He has no filter for thoughts he shouldn't be thinking.

@RedVelvetLinesTheBlackBox that's what I was thinking, that no matter what the reason, if he's saying things like that then I can't have him around the children (or pretty much anyone else)

I haven't binned him yet, my heart is thumping when I think about it (which shows I'm a bit scared of him) I've remembered he told me he'd "slapped" his housemate a few weeks ago (house mate is an alcoholic who was being loud and annoying late at night-not that that's an excuse!) and the police were called so now I've gone scared

Oh goodness, I feel sick. Is there anyone who can be with you while you make the call? A good friend who will help (silently) support you?

Good luck... best to get it over and done with.

For a creep like that dump by text then block him on everything. You don’t have to meet up with him.

I will do it by text but my friend (who was in a similar situation) advises me to withdraw a bit first and do it gradually. I only see him every two weeks anyway.

My concern about doing it finally now by text is if he decides to come over here (I'm by myself with three kids who don't know about him)

He hasn’t got a key or anything has he? If so change the locks first. Tell a relative or friend in real life what’s happened and before you contact him. He is really not a nice person and the police being called sounds like a very serious assault, not that “just” a slap is ok by any means.

No one will think any less of you and they will be happy that you confided in them and happy that you had the good judgement to leave at the first warning sign.

Has he got a key? Can you get a friend to be with you?

He doesn't have a key

There's no one who could be here tonight

I'd contact the police in 101 and explain the situation and that you are scared of this man. I would immediately block him and not bother contacting him to dump him. Don't back off gradually. If he comes round then don't open the door to him. If he kicks off outside then 999. Sick bastard.

Even if no one can be there, phone or text a friend or relative so they’ve got the heads up and someone knows what’s going on and can check in on you via text.

Can you call the local police and speak to them?

I had to call them many years ago. They put me through to the DV department and they were really reassuring. They offered to come round although it wasn't necessary at that time and said that was no problem and to call back if I wanted them to.

You can also go into your local station and speak to the duty officer who will get someone for you to speak to if you need to.

I've also done this in the last few years and they were briliant then too.

he told me he'd "slapped" his housemate a few weeks ago
he's painting himself as someone who dishes out punishments to people who displease him, why would he want you to see him like that?

suspect that he is using autism as a veil to allow him to get away with norm violating behavior

@JuliaJaynes9 yes that's what scares me

Why don't you for the minute just not do anything. You never know, he might be too embarrassed to get back in touch himself.

Just see yourselves as finished in your head and when he does eventually get back in touch you'll feel a bit calmer.

You don't need to prime the police, if he makes a pest of himself you can ask them to have a word then.

Obviously if he gets in touch sooner and pretends it didnt happen you can do the dear john text and tell him to don't feel it's working out and wish him well.

There's no need for drama.

What a revolting thing to say. Def bin him.