Dealbreaker, am I right?

[Greenskybluegrass]

My BF of four months made a comment about my DD10 and now I need to end the relationship. I just need to check that I’m not overreacting.

BF hasn’t met my children, they don’t know about him. He stayed over Saturday night as my kids were away. On Sunday morning I was making him a quick piece of toast before he left (kids due back) and asked what he wanted on it, he said he wanted some of the Maltesers chocolate spread which was in a jar on the side.

I made a jokey comment about it how it “belonged” to DD10 (she’d chosen it in the shop) and that I hoped she wouldn’t notice.

He then said that he’d already tried it and when I took the lid off I could see that a bit more had gone. He said he’d helped himself with his finger and then he made a comment about DD10 “having a long man’s finger in her sweet pot (fnarr, fnarr)” which was a clearly sexualised comment. I replied with a shocked “That’s my ten year old daughter you’re talking about!” He then left and I think I need to end things because his comment has totally creeped me out.

(I've namechanged due to the content)

I'd wait and see if he gets in touch again - hopefully he won't, he'll realise he's repulsed you and won't pursue it. If he does get in contact, end it then.

I agree that I'm not sure you can just call up and 'log' a comment.

I honestly think that you should just text him tonight and tell him it's over. No need to go into detail, just tell him you're no longer interested. And block.

The time for calling the police would obviously come if he turns up at your house, or makes threats etc.

Don't see him again op.

@CandyCreeper I'm not going to see him ever again! I'm not due to see him for a fortnight. I'm just emotionally exhausted today and would rather reduce text contact over a few days first

Your right, get rid of him, total creep...this is why people should wait before partners or ‘friends’ meet kids...you did the right thing

Urgh... I always think there's loads of overreactions on MN... but on this occasion your post has made me feel really sick... Just so vile I can't even put it into words!

And OP even if you feel something is off in the future in your relationships, don't feel the need to get validation. My DD has only ever met my DP even though she is 14 and I have been a LP since she was 1. I've sometimes had a gut feeling and I haven't been sure about introducing her to past BF's so have ended things, much to everyone else's dismay - I ALWAYS trust my gut feeling I would rather be wrong than anything awful happen. I now know I have been right to trust that feeling on at least one occasion (he is in prison for assaulting his partners child, there would have been nothing to predict violence when I knew him).

Yes, you're right to end it. Any problems when you do, just call the police x

You've dodged a bullet there - if he does turn up whatever he says, I think you are in your right mind to call the police.

You’ve done the right thing. I thought you were dumping him for putting his finger in the choc spread, ‘fair call’ I thought, in particularly horrible in someone else’s house...but fucking hell, what a revolting comment.

I’m sorry to hear that previous events have made you doubt your reaction. I’d hazard a guess that you didn’t over react then either, but it was minimised or dismissed out of hand. Maybe you should talk to someone about that, or start a new thread.

Still not heard from him today?

Maybe he got the hint loud and clear when he was there this morning?!

If not, just don’t take his calls. Send a text ‘busy atm speak later’ type thing until he gets the hint. You’ve got a couple of weeks to chill him out, then you can be ‘unwell’ with D&V (DD too, not going to her Dad’s etc).

I wouldn’t ‘end it’ unless you really have to. Just let him get fed up then hopefully he’ll end it.

He really, really is vile. I know it’s still upsetting, but I’m glad you found out after only 4 months. 💐

Don’t be scared tonight, he’s got no reason to bother you. He wasn’t going to be seeing you for a fortnight.

@Witchesbritches thank you

I agree, if you're not going to see him for two weeks you don't need to actually send an end it text, just be reeeaaaallly slow replying to him and say virtually nothing in your texts. Postpone the next couple of dates because you're busy/can't get childcare etc. Let it fizzle....

OP have you gone to the police and done a check on him, you do know you are able to do that right?!

I'm in the police station now. The desk person is a retired police officer and he physically recoiled when I told him what had been said.

He's trying to decide if it's Claire's law or Sarah's law that's needed

Did he turn up green is that why you are checking?

Oh that's terrible, I'm so sorry.

That’s absolutely disgusting!
What a vile, vile man < not envy

Jesus Op thank god you saw his true colours before he even met your DD. Will be fascinating to know what the Police share and do for you.

Retired police officer physically recoiled when I told him what I've been said
I think it's great to hear that the police have got your back on this one

When I was in the police station I remembered a couple of other things.
One was that after we'd had sex we were talking about smelling of sex and he said that my DDs would be able to smell it and know what I'd been doing. I told him that was a ridiculous thing to say as my DDs don't know what sex smells like. But he repeated it on at least one more occasion.

Another was that he was desperate to meet the children and offered to babysit (having never previously met my kids) when I couldn't find a babysitter for me to go out with my friend.

Another was that he once engineered a way to "accidentally meet" the children by turning up unannounced with a bunch of flowers (pretending to be a flower delivery person) when he knew I was home alone with the children. I pretended not to know him and didn't let him in but he saw them at the window and behind me in the hall

Thank god he has never met your children. I hope the police were able to give you good advice with how you take things from here.

You did the right thing.

God that update is creepy. You are doing the right thing checking.

Ew. How did you meet this man?

Sometimes it can take a while to remember stuff like this and put the pieces together in your head.

Omg that is so creepy. Keep your doors locked OP, and if he turns up ring police

Well done for reporting

Me and one of my closest male friends are on the spectrum and neither of us would say anything that vile. Despite what people think autistics aren't automatically dickheads, we say the wrong thing sometimes and can act inconsiderately at times but we are usually very careful with what we say because we value words and communication. He's perverted and you need to get rid. I would be worried about him grooming her. Even if it was a joke in poor taste he should have immediately apologised to you when he realised what he had said.