My partner is packing his bags because I said I was going out.

[kt1009]

Just that really.

Asked him what he wanted to do tonight, he said nothing. He's been at work all day. Fair enough.

Said I might go and meet my friends for a bit, he's told me I take the "piss out of him". And he's currently packing his bags.

I don't want to split up but surely I haven't done anything wrong here????!!!!

Had a lovely night. He's full of apologies this morning and "is going to change".

No violent behaviour, he's got a bit of a temper where he snaps and raises his voice or calls me names but no aggression.

I feel quite strong today to be honest. Maybe he isn't ready to be a dad, I don't know. I can't be dragged down for the rest of the pregnancy though.

Got a lot on today so just going to keep myself busy and distracted!

@BelfastBloke please expand

I am really sorry but shouting at you and calling you names is aggressive. It is also emotional abuse.

In a safe stable relationship you shouldn’t need distraction from your partner
You also should not be thinking he’s a keeper because he doesn’t hit you.
He’s shouty and calls you names,has “bit of a temper” that’s not okay.

Can I just say abusive behaviour never starts with physical violence.

If it did first time the woman was hit she would leave it’s about control. He will apologise as he didn’t get his own way you at home

Can I just say abusive behaviour never starts with physical violence

^^

Maybe have a Google about the Freedom Project? There's a free download of bullying behaviour that's part of the on line course. It's really interesting and eye openning.

he's got a bit of a temper where he snaps and raises his voice or calls me names

My DP raises his voice sometimes if we're arguing, but when I point it out and ask him to watch his tone he apologises and does so. And I can't imagine him calling me names. That's not acceptable.

In most incidences of DV there’s an incremental increase,subtle build up that often leaves the woman questioning themselves,or their interpretation. It’s uncommon for it to be immediate violence.in fact it’s usually
Cues exactly likes
Bit of a temper
Shouty
Name calling

I hope you mean distract yourself because he is not there and you do not want to think about him and respond to his apologies.

There is such a thing as the cycle of abuse - of course he is contrite today. Won’t stop him ramping it up next time once he has his feet under the table again and knows he can get away with it.

OP I dont want to scare you but this was my exh.
He never told me I 'couldnt' go out but kicked up such a fuss I wouldnt want to.
5 years later I had no friends and no social life.
Once I realised what he had done to me I made steps to change it. Contacted old friends, told them what was going on. Gained support, started going out again.
He didnt like this and would beat me up when I got back.
This behaviour doesnt get better, it only escalates.
Note he is my exh.

You got a perfect moment to shape your future.
Being shouted out is so not acceptable.
Do you want to teach your baby that it is?

Dug out the link

freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

Sample of the course materials is free, the online course it self is 12 quid and there's a search for the 12 wk course in your area which I think is free.

He won't change unless he recognises he has a problem. The controlling behavior will escalate.

I know it is scary as you are pregnant. I know you don't want to do it alone. And I know he probably is sorry at some level. But look at FP, and order the book. It can help you, and him if he wants it too.

No violent behaviour, he's got a bit of a temper where he snaps and raises his voice or calls me names but no aggression.

But this is aggressive behaviour.

And the contriteness is something I recognise, it's part of the cycle of abuse. Because no-one would get with someone who's horrible all the time, certainly not at the start.

The OP asked me to expand on my 'Ugh' comment. Fair enough.

While I understand the impulse to feel a bit dramatic at the prospect of being a father for the first time ... I will never understand the concept that it's somehow unreasonable for either one of a couple to go out with their friends. Without the partner. That pisses me off so much.

I agree that this behaviour is a severe warning sign. I don't agree that people cannot change, that this threatening behaviour will automatically escalate. It can be changed if it is addressed and if both parties fully accept that it should have no future part in their relationship.

boy bye.

He’s shown you what he’s like, worse when you are pregnant and he’ll be worse when the baby is here. Stay strong and don’t let him back in your life.
He didn’t sound like a great person even before you were pregnant

OP, you are at a crossroad now and can choose a happier and ultimately more content life if you do not allow this manipulative, angry and abusive guy back. He did not back down or moderate his behaviour until you called his bluff. And he crossed a line in the sand that no partner should. That is a massive red flag. Had he gotten his way, he would continue to change the goal posts and set more and more restrictions on your life. He is only being contrite because you stood up to him. Please ignore the stuff by the bloke on this thread. He is so much more likely to carry on and there will be an escalation of this emotionally abusive behaviour. You’ve managed to get rid of him and got him out of the house. Please keep it that way because you will be more vulnerable if he let him back!

he snaps and raises his voice or calls me names

Do you want him to do this to a child? Your child? Because he will. You can allow that to happen or you can deal with it now. Somebody needs to put this future child first.

He's back to being mr angry now! Called me whilst I was in the car with my parents on Bluetooth and told me to "f off" and said I take the "effing pee out of him"

Bye bye my parents respect for him!

I know you're pg OP and that makes the whole thing a nightmare but I think you need to seriously consider dumping him.

I know it's easy to say LTB on the net and it's obvious to an outsider looking in but when you're in a relationship and having a baby it's a fucking massivething to do.

I don't normally post on relationship threads but he sounds awful and will be harder to get rid of once the baby comes + it will be much more complicated.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Last thought > what would you advise a close friend who was experinecing this?

Please, please don't stay with him. This is only going to get worse.

He also said today that I'm needy and want him with me 247. Which would shock me on a normal day because I'm actually a really independent person and crave my own space.... but after last night it's almost a laughable comment!

Feel incredibly fed up now. Not sure where I go from here but don't see us having a relationship moving forward.