Which tells me you don’t fully understand the psychology of someone who is abused. It’s not as straightforward as it might seem
I know full well what it's like to be the child who is hit and the teen who is hit.
I know what it's like to be the person walking on eggshells at home - afraid to trigger their dad's violence.
I know what it's like to be the person to give up doing that because it made no difference anyway.
I know what it's like to be scared and in pain and to try and hide from your own parent.
I know what it feels like to be 40something and still be affected by it.
I also know what it's like to ask your mother why she never stopped it and why it never bothered her and be told that it did bother her and did I not notice how she left the room everytime it happened so that she didn't have to see or hear it.
I know what it's like to be told shopping in nice supermarkets, living in a nice house and going on holiday 3 times a year was more important than your safety and security.
I know what it's like for the same reasons and the same fears to not matter one jot when it was her he hurt. Not physically but he had an affair and she kicked him out immediately. And she changed her supermarket, but she still lived in the same house and she still had 3 holidays a year...
Everyone has their line in the sand.
Having spoken to women who work in refuges, it seems to be a common theme that women will take years of being abused themselves and that it is when the violence is directed towards their children that they finally act. Obviously not in all cases - that was the lightbulb moment for me as a teenager the first time I was told that by someone who worked in a refuge.
The day my mother told me she had always left the room so that she didn't have to see or hear it, nearly 7 years ago, was the last time I saw or spoke to her. She and my dad (she because she was emotionally abusive generally too and that carried on long after the physical abuse from my dad stopped) severely negatively impacted upon my life. There isn't a part of my life that isn't affected by the violence and lack of care and love I experienced growing up - the way it informed my sense of self and worth; my confidence; self belief... I have lived through many experiences that just wouldn't have happened had I believed I was a worthwhile person deserving of better than that. My parents did that to me.
Every day I wake up scared and fearful. I worry about getting into trouble constantly. I can't answer the door/phone or take risks at work, for example, because the anxiety related to "being in trouble" or facing an unpredictable "telling off" - having to deal with something exploding emotionally, unexpectedly is too great. I can't have relationships because I don't trust. I didn't really understand until I was in my 30s that violence wasn't a part of a loving relationship. I've ended relationships because I wasn't hit because I didn't understand how someone could love me if they weren't so concerned about me that they hit me to make me do what they wanted. I don't believe I'm capable of being loved. I don't believe I'm worthy of it.
So you can go on understanding the psychology of women who allow men to be violently abusive towards their children - that's fine. I'll reserve my sympathy for the children who spend the rest of their lives living with the consequences of it.