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Message from someone claiming to be sleeping with my DH

169 replies

Tinklewinkle · 31/10/2018 11:19

I received a FB message a couple of days ago from someone who is claiming to have slept with my DH.

I’m pretty sure it’s nonsense but I guess it’s niggling at me a little bit - she knows my name, named DH and our children, so I don’t think it’s mistaken identity

She’s given me 4 dates when they’re supposed to have been together.

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday, 2nd date we were 200 miles away at SiL’s wedding, 3rd date my brother was visiting us for the weekend and DH was around the whole time. The 4th date we were at home, I can’t remember what, if anything we were doing but I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary.

I don’t know her, I’ve looked her up on Facebook but her profile is locked down - I don’t recognise her from her profile pic and we don’t seem to have any mutual friends.

DH and I work together, he’s not secretive with his phone or anything like that - I use it quite often and there’s no pin code on it, his FB is connected to our business page so I regularly use it and have seen nothing suspicious, I use his laptop sometimes, etc, etc. He doesn’t have WhatsApp or anything like that. I don’t doubt him, I think, but at the same time, isn’t it a bit weird to send someone a message like that if it’s not true?

I do trust him and the rational part of my brain says it’s not true, it can’t be - it’s mistaken identity or someone being weird, but at the same time the message is sitting in my inbox and every time I see it I do wonder.

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 31/10/2018 11:22

It doesn’t sound like his done anything here I wouldn’t even be giving it the time of day. Delete and forget about it

Unfortunately some unhinged or just plain spiteful people do exsist

Santaisgettingbusy · 31/10/2018 11:23

Well if for the dates he has an alibi it's likely someone with too much time on their hands.
Have you showed him the message?
You will gauge a lot from his reaction I expect.

Shambu · 31/10/2018 11:25

On the one hand she may be a malicious loon, on the other she may have got the dates wrong.

I guess I'd ask her for more details.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/10/2018 11:26

Did you reply? I'd have to say... well that's bollocks, we were together/miles away on those dates... so what are you playing at?

Santaclarita · 31/10/2018 11:26

Ask her to identify the tattoo on his upper arm (or anywhere he doesn't have one). She'll probably bullshit something and then you know she is lying.

If she knows, he's got some explaining to do. But it's odd that 3 dates are impossible.

MixedMaritalArts · 31/10/2018 11:28

Doppelgänger/twin brother using his name ? Does he have access to multiplicity machinery ?

Halloweenallyearround · 31/10/2018 11:33

She could of worked out the names etc from your Facebook or be some crazy person you know or he does through work. Set up and new Facebook or roped a friend in.
I would be like, ' oh really, how nice for you. And your point in letting me know is?... '
Because unless she's given you some good evidence- like messages ( with his number not name) or pictures etc I'd give her no time of day.

How do you feel
In your relationship, have you spoke to you dh. I wouldn't ( if you can) go crazy at him or accuse him but talk and work out properly if this is just lies or has he acted over flirty with someone and they was revenge.
There's some sad selfish people out their who only want drama.

Blondebakingmumma · 31/10/2018 11:39

Sounds like a hoax
I wouldn’t respond

PattiStanger · 31/10/2018 11:41

Have you showed your DH the message?

ErickBroch · 31/10/2018 11:41

Sounds weird, could be some scam/blackmail thing. Details such as kids names are very easy to find online, as scary as that is.

Cawfee · 31/10/2018 11:44

Sounds weird. If she’s got 3 dates wrong then it can’t be true. I’d message and say “hahaha! Hilarious. We were abroad in Australia over some of your dates so unless he’s got a teleporter then none of that happened. But if you can tell me what’s the really obvious thing on his leg that he got from the serious operation he had as a child (and if you’ve slept with him then this is a no brainer) then I’ll acceot that maybe you’ve got your dates wrong. If you’re messing then you really need psychiatric help. Weirdo. “

XJerseyGirlX · 31/10/2018 11:44

She sounds like a lunatic. Don't give her the satisfaction of worrying. What did your DH say?

Tinklewinkle · 31/10/2018 11:46


I haven’t mentioned it to him and I haven’t replied to her. I’ve just ignored it so far

I’d be shocked if he was up to anything. Like I say, we work together, I have full access, and use regularly, stuff like laptops and his phone. Nothing has pinged my radar, nothing odd on our bank account.

He doesn’t really go out alone - occasionally a night out with his mates. He volunteers at a youth group once a week but one of our daughters attends

He’s friendly but I’ve never heard or seen him be flirty

He’s just a nice bloke, quite generous and will help anyone. We’re both quite laid back and have a laugh. I’ve never had any reason to doubt him.

But that message....

I should just delete it I guess

OP posts:
Archduke · 31/10/2018 11:48

Twinkle - he's clearly not having an affair - so why not show him and say that you feel freaked out about it?

PristineCondition · 31/10/2018 11:50

“Oh shit, you need to get tested too, he’s got chlamydia hun”

RatUnholyRolyPoly · 31/10/2018 11:55

How strange... stranger still to give you specific dates if they were just made up.

I can see why you'd be uneasy; not to make that feeling worse, but I would tell anyone who'd listen not to put too much stock in having full access to all technology, or thinking you know where they are at all hours of the day; from bitter experience. But if you've got no spidey senses tingling then they're not tingling!

Odd that she would make up dates though, she could have just not mentioned any...

I don't know OP, I have no idea what I'd do in your situation. But what can you do, except ride it out and stay alert I suppose? There's not much more you can do, unless you want to grill her about the inconsistencies in her story. Which, to be fair, I don't think I could stop myself doing.

Horsesforcourses23 · 31/10/2018 11:56

This happened to a friend just before her wedding. It was totally made up, she showed it to her husband and after much investigating etc it was just a weird prank thing! And she didn't even know them, only through association of someone else (apparently) I think its just unhinged behaviour!

Halloweenallyearround · 31/10/2018 11:57

Could it be late, a kid jealous or messing around.
I think you should be open, you'd want him to talk to you and no hold on to doubt and worry.
You don't have to accuse but just tell him like you would anything else.

You seemed to have checked everything and it's probably just the shock and fear in yourself that's still giving this person a second thought.
He's a good man, so remember that and go
Back to enjoying your life.

Thebluedog · 31/10/2018 11:58

Sounds like he’s not been up to no good if you are happy he was where he said he was on those dates. Might be worth reporting her to Facebook as she used messenger to contact you on. Sounds like a loon

DevilsAdvocados · 31/10/2018 12:00

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday

Nothing is impossible. Famous story of a man who took his mistress on holiday and installed her in the same hotel as his wife.

She told the newspaper how he put her up at the same Spanish holiday resort as his second wife and young son, sneaking away to meet up with his mistress.

Every evening at 5pm he'd shake out his towel by the pool,' she said.

This signal meant he was heading for the beach and I was to follow. He used to leave Yvette late at night saying he was going for a stroll then dash to my room and make love.'

hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 12:02

Reply asking for proof.
Just say - I know that on the dates you have provided, nothing could have happened but if you really want to prove this then please send me proof of this 'affair' and I will discuss the evidence with my DH. Thank you!
Unless she followed him abroad!!!
Proper stalker style!?

Adora10 · 31/10/2018 12:04

Sorry but why would she make it up, I certainly would not dismiss it I’d have to contact her for hard evidence, it’s easy to delete messages and cover tracks and every woman says their man is faithful, sorry but not always true.

Issy777 · 31/10/2018 12:06


Jesus!!! Talk about overly paranoid
But op has mentioned the other dates were at a wedding and in their own home so could he have been hiding her then? In the toilets? In the back garden?!

Think that's a bit far fetched tbh

MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 12:07

I'd ignore her. Don't give her any information about how previous dates were impossible.

If she's genuine then she'll come back with something credible.
If she's a loon then she'll continue to make herself look stupid.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2018 12:08

why would she make it up

Because she's a weirdo?

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