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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Message from someone claiming to be sleeping with my DH

169 replies

Tinklewinkle · 31/10/2018 11:19

I received a FB message a couple of days ago from someone who is claiming to have slept with my DH.

I’m pretty sure it’s nonsense but I guess it’s niggling at me a little bit - she knows my name, named DH and our children, so I don’t think it’s mistaken identity

She’s given me 4 dates when they’re supposed to have been together.

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday, 2nd date we were 200 miles away at SiL’s wedding, 3rd date my brother was visiting us for the weekend and DH was around the whole time. The 4th date we were at home, I can’t remember what, if anything we were doing but I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary.

I don’t know her, I’ve looked her up on Facebook but her profile is locked down - I don’t recognise her from her profile pic and we don’t seem to have any mutual friends.

DH and I work together, he’s not secretive with his phone or anything like that - I use it quite often and there’s no pin code on it, his FB is connected to our business page so I regularly use it and have seen nothing suspicious, I use his laptop sometimes, etc, etc. He doesn’t have WhatsApp or anything like that. I don’t doubt him, I think, but at the same time, isn’t it a bit weird to send someone a message like that if it’s not true?

I do trust him and the rational part of my brain says it’s not true, it can’t be - it’s mistaken identity or someone being weird, but at the same time the message is sitting in my inbox and every time I see it I do wonder.

OP posts:
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MsTSwift · 01/11/2018 06:56

Also surely the most devious cheating bastard would struggle to be unfaithful whilst kayaking

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WitchyMcWitchface · 01/11/2018 06:58

Ask what she thinks of his tattoo? Whether he has one or not

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Adora10 · 01/11/2018 10:23

I get scam emails daily and friends requests from men in Saudi and America but I’ve never had pm telling me my DH is cheating on me, I don’t see how that would be a scam msg. Every week I read on here of OW whether knowingly or not asking if they should tell the wife, the responses are all yes but yet in this case it’s a hoax or a scam or a teenager sorry but that’s very naive. If it’s true she will surely have proof, ask for it.

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Lavender081517 · 01/11/2018 12:42

Have u saved her picture and done a reverse Google image?

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chocolatebox1 · 01/11/2018 13:29

If someone could tell me how to do a google reverse image search I'd be really grateful! I've not managed to work it out

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Megan2018 · 01/11/2018 13:37

How old are the kids at the youth group?

My cousin had similar messages last year, her husband also volunteered at a youth group with young teens. It turned out it was silly 12-13 year old girls who thought it was funny....
Half term still in some places - it tends to bring out the "trolling" unfortunately.

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Adora10 · 01/11/2018 13:45

Any chance you could copy and paste her message here, obviously omitting any recognition of you or your family?

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LemonTT · 01/11/2018 14:42

Seriously, the probability is that this is a malicious troll, either known or unknown to the OP and her husband. Social Media and the internet are awash with trolls who know no bounds in the shit they make up. They do it to cause trouble, to feed off emotions and to get attention.

To keep referencing stories on forums like this as evidence that anything is possible is just ridiculous. Many many stories on here are posted by trolls who make things up. Some get taken down but depending on your opinion lots don’t. Please stop using stories on social media and anonymous forums as evidence of anything or using them to validate opinions/ give advice.

Whoever posted the message is a liar. That’s it. There is no evidence, hint or gut feeling to support a Dr Fosteresque investigation. Entertaining as these type of posts are they are usually posted by somebody calling themselves “he’sdefinitelyhavingaffair”. So expect them to end with the revelation that he is. Agas, twins and instantly available SHL are all optional extras.

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SoupDragon · 01/11/2018 14:44

If someone could tell me how to do a google reverse image search I'd be really grateful!

I usually go to Tineye.com where it is fairly straightforward :)

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chocolatebox1 · 01/11/2018 15:19

@SoupDragon thank you Soup Dragon!

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Tinklewinkle · 01/11/2018 15:53

Thanks all!

I replied to her last night, she read the message 20 minutes later but hasn’t replied at all

I haven’t blocked or deleted yet - we decided to see if she would reply anymore

I’ve double checked all my FB settings, they’re all set to private as are both DD’s and DH’s

I just think it’s someone being a dick and am ignoring it.

Having spoken to DH last night I feel a lot better about it. He was quite genuine as far as I’m concerned

Although, maybe I should LTB for hating Queen Grin

OP posts:
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ABeanCalledHopeInAMadTin · 01/11/2018 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/11/2018 16:20

maybe I should LTB for hating Queen
Bloomin' 'eck!!
Too right you should.
That's outrageous. Grin

I'm a bit biased as 'Don't stop me now' is my fave tune of all time (almost)

I'm with a PP. Someone from the youth group trying to cause you trouble.

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Rockandrolling · 01/11/2018 16:42

Why did she mention your dc's names?, did she write about them as if she personally knows them?
Also, I wouldn't delete any messages or block this FB profile, as she may decide to send more messages.

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BasilFaulty · 01/11/2018 18:07

Can you tell us what you sent her OP?

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oreoxoreo · 01/11/2018 18:22

At least one positive story here!

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Tinklewinkle · 01/11/2018 21:27

Why did she mention your dc's names?, did she write about them as if she personally knows them?

The message said she was sorry, that knew we had children and she felt terrible for wrecking [childrens names] family but she had to tell me

Then said she’d been with my DH on X dates

I just said thank you for telling me, could she give me some more information - times, places and stuff like that

No reply from her

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Livingloving · 01/11/2018 21:29

What’s your husband’s theory for how she knew your children’s names?

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Tinklewinkle · 01/11/2018 21:51

No idea

Their names wouldn’t be hard to find out though I guess.

One is 17 and the other 14. I don’t know all their friends anymore. Both have had various hobbies over the years, both went to/still go to the youth group DH volunteers at. They’ve both worked for us over the summer and would have met customers. DH chats about them a lot. We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone

Could be from anywhere really

It was more that she mentioned their names so it wasn’t mistaken identity, than I found it suspicious that she knew their names if you see what I mean

OP posts:
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SunflowerJo08 · 01/11/2018 22:05

Just a thought, the 17 year old, could it somehow be some sort of aggrieved girlfriend/boyfriend, some sort of spurned romance issue? Throwing in the dates is a bit weird, but I'm just thinking perhaps it could be something, however inadvertently, to do with your 17 year old?People can be stunningly crazy at that age. Or someone from the youth group, somehow?

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flumpybear · 01/11/2018 22:14

Sounds like bollox to me 🤨

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DancingForTheDog · 02/11/2018 00:03

Sounds like someone jealous of your family/relationship who wants to spoil it. Could be a neighbour (have you had any issues with neighbours?), or a colleague or even a close friend. The profile is fake and the picture is fake so it could just as likely be a man. There are lots of weirdos out there.

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wombat1a · 02/11/2018 02:19

Odds are she's having an affair with someone who knows him and has given her his name rather than their own.

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lalalalyra · 02/11/2018 06:11

How are your DC's privacy settings on FB?

Someone who was stalking a colleague of DH's was getting all his info through her 15yo DD's totally unsecure FB page.

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Whipsmart · 02/11/2018 08:36

If you've asked your dh about it and trust his answer I wouldn't engage with her at all

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