Message from someone claiming to be sleeping with my DH

[Tinklewinkle]

I received a FB message a couple of days ago from someone who is claiming to have slept with my DH.

I’m pretty sure it’s nonsense but I guess it’s niggling at me a little bit - she knows my name, named DH and our children, so I don’t think it’s mistaken identity

She’s given me 4 dates when they’re supposed to have been together.

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday, 2nd date we were 200 miles away at SiL’s wedding, 3rd date my brother was visiting us for the weekend and DH was around the whole time. The 4th date we were at home, I can’t remember what, if anything we were doing but I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary.

I don’t know her, I’ve looked her up on Facebook but her profile is locked down - I don’t recognise her from her profile pic and we don’t seem to have any mutual friends.

DH and I work together, he’s not secretive with his phone or anything like that - I use it quite often and there’s no pin code on it, his FB is connected to our business page so I regularly use it and have seen nothing suspicious, I use his laptop sometimes, etc, etc. He doesn’t have WhatsApp or anything like that. I don’t doubt him, I think, but at the same time, isn’t it a bit weird to send someone a message like that if it’s not true?

I do trust him and the rational part of my brain says it’s not true, it can’t be - it’s mistaken identity or someone being weird, but at the same time the message is sitting in my inbox and every time I see it I do wonder.

Could I friend request her to get more details if she accepts you?

Sounds like just a sad malicious person tbh. I’d tell him you’d received it, know it’s not true and tell her to go find something more constructive with her life. Why people do things like this I don’t know but it does happen! I had a friend make up a pack of lies about me, told my then bf and hoped he’d dump me. He ignored her and I only found out it happened months later via another friend, I was more upset this had happened and he’d not told me, although I was glad he didn’t believe the lies, I felt I had a right to know.

So tell your husband and then don’t give this another minutes thought x

Scammers! Don't reply, as they will send a 'file' as proof and next thing you know your computer is taken over and they will blackmail you!

Could someone else just be using his name? Does he have a brother or work mate that he knows cheats on their partner (or is likely to)? I'd say that's more likely than her making up fake dates on purpose.

If it's niggling at you, ask for a description or photo of the guy or where she was (geographically) for the hook ups. I wouldn't give her drama, just "I think you've got the wrong guy, can you send me a photo and I'll see if I know him?"

Gosh, Wendy, I'd never have considered that as possibility, but it does have a warped logic to it.

I'm not sure what my next move would be at this point, OP, but I wouldn't be able to dismiss the message just yet. Definitely keep screenshots and make a note of the URL of 'her' facebook profile.

Unless you lead very busy lives packed full with big events it does indeed seem strange that three of the four dates given match exactly with days where you were doing memorable stuff as a family. It's a bit weird to say the least.

I'd message her back just saying "do you want to check on those dates as at least one of them is impossible" and see if she backtracks.

I wonder if it's a kid / ex-kid from youth club who has a crush on him.

If you're certain he can't be having an affair, then I advise both you and DH to watch your backs- someone could really have it in for one or both of you.

It seems like such a spiteful thing to do.

Scammers! Don't reply, as they will send a 'file' as proof and next thing you know your computer is taken over and they will blackmail you!

This is a very good point. Don't ask her to send you anything!

After reading all the replies

Is it possible someone else is using your DH's name and family set up instead of his own?

Weird false accusations do actually happen and we often never know the reason why.

My husband had a stalker who accused me of cheating. He'd dated her briefly as a teenager. She found him on FB 15 years later and began messaging him. Polite chit chat, catch up kind of stuff. DH would fill me in on what she was messaging, tell me stories of his past and read me the msgs talking about his youth. I don't think she realised I was privy to their chatter.
Within a week or 2 she was asking him if he knew that 2 or maybe all of our 3 kids weren't actually his and that they had a mutual friend who knew that I (the missus) had been having affairs for years and the fathers of the kids were from my hometown (200 miles away, listed on my FB profile but rarely ever been back to!)
She'd gone through our very open facebooks and using pics and dates, had invented a whole timeline of my infidelities. Of course almost all of it was wrong and the dates were well out but she had gone to a lot of trouble. DH told me and he was pretty mad (at her obviously). So she actually invented a daughter between them! Said he owed 14 years of child support and that there were warrants out for his arrest.

She called his work's office pretending to be the police and informing them that they were coming to arrest him.

She contacted our DD and told her that her dad wasn't her real dad.

After a month of this shit, using details DH could remember I found her parent's telephone number and DH called them. And no, there was no teen daughter and according to her dad, she had done something similar to someone else before. They begged us not to go to the police and they had a word with her but she escalated to messaging our family members. Thankfully we'd screen shotted everything and noted down dates and times. We had to go to the police and she was subsequently sentenced to two years probation for stalking.

Just because the majority of OW confessions/affair accusations are true, it doesn't mean there aren't malicious crazies out there just making stuff up for shits and giggles.

Some people are just malicious little shits. Years ago I was waiting for a train to visit my sister for the weekend in another city and texted her all about what I was doing/eating while waiting in the station, plans for the weekend etc. THought it was a bit wierd when I got to my destination, she picked me up and said she hadn’t got any texts from me but we both just thought it was an isssue with her new phone.

I forgot all about it till the following week, my mobile went at home (this was in the early days of mobile before smartphones and everyone used landlines for social calls really, so it was a bit odd). I answered it, DH (then fiancé) was sitting next to me. This strange bloke on the other end asked me how my weekend had gone, giving details which suggested he had SEEN me at the train station and knew what I’d been doing etc. I panicked, saying “who is this?!”, DH saw my face, grabbed the phone and asked who it was. This other bloke gave my name and loads of details about me and saying he’d shagged me at the weekend at X location (where i’d actually been!)

Thank Christ my DH trusts me, saw me mouthing “how the hell does he know THAT?!” and immediately just told him that he was my fiancé and he neeeded to grow up and get a life. Then he hung up.

We were both really unnerved by it but he didn’t once suspect me, even though everything pointed to me going away for a dirty weekend with that stranger! I thought I was being stalked and was terrified. DH calmly went through the ways it could have hapooned, and asked me more about texts from and to my phone. It was DH who finally worked out that the number I had texted thinking it was my sister had a wrong digit in it so i’d sent texts to a random stranger by accident, who was obviously feeling bored and wanted to cause some mischief.

I do thank god that DH trusted me totally and it was clearly someone mucking around as it could have caused real trouble for us.

I often think I should have got my own back a couple of weeks later and rung that stupid stranger to say my boyfriend had left me thinking I’d been unfaithful leaving me alone and pregnant. Would have taught him a lesson! But I’m not quite that evil.

I hope you get to the bottom of it, OP. It’s horrible.

Hmmm, the problem is that there is often no smoke without fire.

It concerns me how often people are prepared to dismiss someone as a jealous lunatic. There are bad people around for sure. But my friend was going out with a guy for just over a year and she and all her FB kept getting weird messages from this woman called 'Pixie' about how her SO was up to all sorts. When people do that it does come across as weird. We would all rather dismiss it as such. In this case Pixie turned out to be right 

If this is a kid from the youth centre with a crush, which sounds likely, you really need to let your DH know OP.
Teenagers with crushes can get a bit obsessive and if someone's willing to lie to you about sleeping with him, they may also start saying it to others.

If this is a kid from the youth centre with a crush, which sounds likely, you really need to let your DH know OP.
Teenagers with crushes can get a bit obsessive and if someone's willing to lie to you about sleeping with him, they may also start saying it to others.

This ^^. A friend's husband found himself in this situation as a youth leader. The stalking went on for ages, culminating in the stalker turning up at their house one night and frightening my friend, who was pregnant at the time. They got the police, welfare services and the girl's family involved - she had MH issues. Eventually it stopped. Years later, friend went to put her bins out and found the girl (now an adult) lurking in the street. She was very shaken up. Nothing more came of it, but it's not a nice situation to be in.

I understand the "no smoke without fire" theory, but really, not all men are bastard philanderers and there are plenty of very strange people out there.

Doesn’t sound legit but it might be with checking she’s talking about 2018.

Thanks all.

I hadn’t mentioned it to him as i just thought it was a load of nonsense and ignored it

We’re at work at the moment but I’ll show him later

I don’t recognise the name from his youth group (I’ve helped out a couple of times) and the profile pic is a middle aged blonde woman

It sounds like a fake profile tbh. When you say you checked through DH's profile do you mean you logged into his profile to see if he could see more on her paage than you can? If you did and it is a limited profile for him to see too then sounds fake. I wouldn't get too worked up about it but also would still want to be a bit alert to it.

When you say you checked through DH's profile do you mean you logged into his profile to see if he could see more on her paage than you can?

Yes. All I could see when logged into DH’s account was name and profile pic. Same as when logged in as myself

I’ll definitely talk to him later

Thanks all!

It sounds like a lot of rubbish. Some people have too much time on their hands and are just trouble makers. Could be someone who doesn't like you/DH has made a fake profile to try and stir things up?

Definitely show it to him, it'll put your mind at ease to see his reaction. I received a FB mail from someone saying his gf had slept with my boyfriend and when I showed my bf he denied it but I immediately knew it was true from the way the colour drained from his face.

I think I'd reply before talking to him. As PP said, say at least one of this dates is impossible and Ask for some form of proof - easy if he has tattoos that are normally covered or some form of birthmark. Chances are you you won't get a reply, I'd take that as confirmation it's a lie.

@Tinklewinkle

Good luck
Please update us all as my friend has this happen to her years ago back in college days with a guy she was dating
This was before the times of Facebook and social media etc was a bit more impersonal but within weeks of dating him got a txt message ;no WhatsApp!) of unknown number saying her bf had slept with her a few times since they were together
I remember both of us calling the number and I even rang on private but there was NO answer at all , had no idea who it belonged to- not even an voicemail msg to say who it was etc

Anyway, time went on , there was NO more messages except just that one so she forgot all about it
However, after nearly two years of dating they split over finding out he'd been sleeping with her cousin (long story!)

She and me always wondered about that txt who it was etc (by that time she'd changed phone etc so didn't have that number) but still til this day if we talk about him, we always mention that txt as it was so random but we reckon it was real. We were just baffled to how she got her number etc!

So it does make me wonder if there is ppl that do this etc
Please let us know . Wishing u all the best

The other option is that it could be your partner who sent the message. If I was having an affair and was worried that the affair partner might contact OH, I might send messages that seemed malicious and impossible, so that any real messages would be discredited.

I'm easily provoked and would find it so hard not to reply with 'How nice of DH to bring you on our holidays over all those dates! I hope he washed between us.' (she doesn't have to know where you went/what you were actually doing). But, immaturity aside, it's best to ignore it and see how your DH reacts.

Keep us updated... I want to know what sort of person does this?!