Message from someone claiming to be sleeping with my DH

[Tinklewinkle]

I received a FB message a couple of days ago from someone who is claiming to have slept with my DH.

I’m pretty sure it’s nonsense but I guess it’s niggling at me a little bit - she knows my name, named DH and our children, so I don’t think it’s mistaken identity

She’s given me 4 dates when they’re supposed to have been together.

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday, 2nd date we were 200 miles away at SiL’s wedding, 3rd date my brother was visiting us for the weekend and DH was around the whole time. The 4th date we were at home, I can’t remember what, if anything we were doing but I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary.

I don’t know her, I’ve looked her up on Facebook but her profile is locked down - I don’t recognise her from her profile pic and we don’t seem to have any mutual friends.

DH and I work together, he’s not secretive with his phone or anything like that - I use it quite often and there’s no pin code on it, his FB is connected to our business page so I regularly use it and have seen nothing suspicious, I use his laptop sometimes, etc, etc. He doesn’t have WhatsApp or anything like that. I don’t doubt him, I think, but at the same time, isn’t it a bit weird to send someone a message like that if it’s not true?

I do trust him and the rational part of my brain says it’s not true, it can’t be - it’s mistaken identity or someone being weird, but at the same time the message is sitting in my inbox and every time I see it I do wonder.

[Issy777]

@Tinklewinkle

Sorry forgot to say we always wondered how this random person got my friends number. This was in the times of no social media, WhatsApp etc or any kind of profile pages!
Always freaked us out. I know now days it's easier to find info just searching online but to get a random number txt you was freaky! As it had to be someone she knew - she was the type of person who hardly gave her number out (not even her parents had her number as she was very private!)

So yeah, it could have just been a sick joke, a coincidence or the truth we'll never know but my friend always says til this day that she wished she had kept the number and rang/text it more so she could find out who it was

I hope for your sake it's just a sad joke from someone who's maybe a bit jealous of your marriage?

[Tinklewinkle]

Thanks all

I’ve shown him the message - he has absolutely no idea who it is, doesn’t recognise the name or profile pic.

He genuinely seemed confused and shocked by the message and a bit upset that hadn’t told him sooner - I explained that I thought it was nonsense, but it had freaked me out a bit as time had gone on

I’ve replied to her asking for more information - he knows I’ve replied. We’ll see what she says

We’re not a massively busy family usually but we have had a really full-on summer. Most weekends from about the beginning of June until a couple of weeks ago we’ve had something on - we live in a holiday area and had loads of visitors over the summer, SiL’s wedding, a 10 day family holiday, DD2 rides horses and we’ve been busy at shows and stuff, plus we’ve been mad busy at work, so she’d have been hard pressed to give me dates we weren’t doing something

[BasilFaulty]

Hope it becomes clear either way soon OP

[Dollymixture22]

Either she is a total loon or she has got you mixed up with someone else. I am sure it will all become clear

[Tinlegs]

Is his name a common one? John Smith?


Could she have the wrong bloke?

[Cuckooclocks]

Sounds like nothing. If it were real then the dates she gave would immediately ring true as times you were apart / he was away etc etc. Sounds like a load of old tripe. Trust yourself and your DH, he sounds like a great guy!

[Tinklewinkle]

Trust yourself and your DH, he sounds like a great guy!

Do you know what, you’re right. He is a great guy - he even came and sat through Bohemian Rhapsody with me the other night and he bloody hates Queen

This is silly, I’m going to block her and delete it. It’s clearly nonsense and I’m not going to give myself a talking to

Thanks all!

[Tinklewinkle]

• and I am going to give myself a talking to.
  
  Random not in there

[CartwheelCath]

How bizarre. Have you googled her? Google image her FB pic?
Is her email address on her FB profile? If so Google it.

Ask her for her phone number to call her.

Play your cards close to your chest. Don't divulge you were on holiday etc at this stage. Just use her to get as much info as possible. Its probsbly all bullshit by the sound of it so what details she gives you will probably confirm you are dealing with a nutter.
If she hadn't told you your details - name etc I would be suggesting mistaken identity but that seems unlikely. For some reason she's targeting you.
Maybe she has developed an unhealthy thing for your dh. Weird!!

[Adora10]

You might regret that OP ask her for proof you have nothing to lose remember she knows your name and your children’s names yet you don’t know her so she’s getting that info from somewhere or someone, not saying she’s genuine but at very least you’d at least maybe find out who and why you’re being harassed.

[CommanderDaisy]

How secure is your FB profile? and your DH's?

Are your friends lists secure and your photo albums? Are they set to "Only me" or "Friends"/ "Friends of Friends"? Either of the latter on any previous post could be the way this person has your name and the children's.
Additionally if any of your friends accounts aren't secure, the information they have could come from there.

[peekyboo]

There's no sensible reason for deleting the messages. What if she turns out to be a stalker and you need evidence for the police?

You want her to be gone and to delete so that it's all done with but it might not turn out that way

[tolerable]

why block if its nonsense shes no gonna reply?..i AM NOT being negative.I am in similar. Stay reasonable. react to none of it. yet

[Lionsandtiger]

See what she/He says OP. It's likely a fake profile and could be a bored man on another continent causing trouble for all we know 😁

I agree with PP about asking about a specific detail, maybe ask whether she inspired his new tattoo or something?

[sweatthesmallstuff]

Have they message the wrong person for example you are called Jane Smith and they have messaged the wrong Jane Smith?

[MarilynsDressOnAVent]

he even came and sat through Bohemian Rhapsody with me the other night and he bloody hates Queen **

Never mind the infidelity accusations, you should LTB for hating Queen! Who the hell doesn't love Queen?!?!

[Adora10]

Assume your FB is friends only and you said you have no mutual friends so she’s not got your name that way or your kids names, anyone can send a FB message they don’t have to be a friend, she’s got that information from someone so she’s at least in cahoots with someone, not saying it’s your DH and btw nice great men have indiscretions and again not saying your DH has done anything wrong, ask her for concrete proof, all she has given you is hearsay and by what you say not even possible, if it’s true she should have some evidence, perhaps she’s waiting on you Asking for it. If you’ve blocked her you can easily unblock it takes about 48 hours.

[Issy777]

@MarilynsDressOnAVent

Lmao. Agree 100%
Crazy Queen fan here

Op I don't think you should block or delete her, there's no need?

[unexpectedtwist]

If you block and delete etc screen print first in case she tries something else.

How bizarre.

[Banana1979]

If someone was accusing me of cheating id want to know..your other half has a right to know. Tell him about it

[1forAll74]

Yes,this all sounds like some loopy and nasty loon, just ignore it all. But if you get anything else as such,then think about what to do.

I have heard about things like this before,and I can never get the hang of how people can do things like this, or how they know your email or whatever. So much rubbish and nastiness goes on these days.!!

[BeenThereDone]

Does anyone have access to your house when you are away...

[MsTSwift]

I would immediately assume it’s a scam. There are so many about. It’s a man in an Internet cafe in Nigeria. Don’t click on anything or respond delete fast

[Butterfly44]

I think it's a hoax

I received a FB message from someone recently with no profile pic or any details telling me a named friend of mine was into something dodgy and attaching a link as evidence - written web address looked legit). I didn't click on it. Most likely malware and didn't believe the claim.

It made me realise that there are people out there who find profiles that are public/or have info on public posts (are your kids named in any public post threads...like ah x and x look so grown up etc). Then message their friends etc claiming something outrageous that they hope would get their attention. The proof may then be a link you need to open for example.

Besides go with your gut OP. He sounds lovely, the dates are clearly just made up, they want your attention.