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Original poster

Message from someone claiming to be sleeping with my DH

169 replies

Tinklewinkle · 31/10/2018 11:19

I received a FB message a couple of days ago from someone who is claiming to have slept with my DH.

I’m pretty sure it’s nonsense but I guess it’s niggling at me a little bit - she knows my name, named DH and our children, so I don’t think it’s mistaken identity

She’s given me 4 dates when they’re supposed to have been together.

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday, 2nd date we were 200 miles away at SiL’s wedding, 3rd date my brother was visiting us for the weekend and DH was around the whole time. The 4th date we were at home, I can’t remember what, if anything we were doing but I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary.

I don’t know her, I’ve looked her up on Facebook but her profile is locked down - I don’t recognise her from her profile pic and we don’t seem to have any mutual friends.

DH and I work together, he’s not secretive with his phone or anything like that - I use it quite often and there’s no pin code on it, his FB is connected to our business page so I regularly use it and have seen nothing suspicious, I use his laptop sometimes, etc, etc. He doesn’t have WhatsApp or anything like that. I don’t doubt him, I think, but at the same time, isn’t it a bit weird to send someone a message like that if it’s not true?

I do trust him and the rational part of my brain says it’s not true, it can’t be - it’s mistaken identity or someone being weird, but at the same time the message is sitting in my inbox and every time I see it I do wonder.

OP posts:
Issy777 · 31/10/2018 12:08

But have to say what is the reason for making this up? If the ows Facebook profile seems legitimate, i.e a real person with lots of different pictures and tags then I would do some investigating

I just don't think there's a rational reason for someone to randomly do this without some motive? She may know him or someone close to him that's pissed her off?!?

Jlynhope · 31/10/2018 12:09

I would tell her you were away no those dates and ask her for proof.

ReanimatedSGB · 31/10/2018 12:11

I'd text back 'Good shag, isn't he?' and leave it at that. If you have nothing that's bothering you other than a random message from a stranger, don't worry about it in the least.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 31/10/2018 12:11

Thanks all!

I’ll show it to DH later and see what he says

Famous story of a man who took his mistress on holiday and installed her in the same hotel as his wife.

On the actual date she’s given me, we hired kayaks for the day - there was just me, DH and our kids together the whole day

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 31/10/2018 12:15

I feel sorry for your DH OP. Bitches like this are awful jealous shrews.

DevilsAdvocados · 31/10/2018 12:17

Jesus!!! Talk about overly paranoid
But op has mentioned the other dates were at a wedding and in their own home so could he have been hiding her then? In the toilets? In the back garden?!

@Issy777

I'm afraid not. I work in a field where affairs are common and you'd be surprised what people who are massively turned on by a new sex partner and driven by the excitement and risk factor get up to.

Some of the stories are shocking - ranging from sex in toilets at work to getting a taxi to drive round and having sex in the back.

All I'm saying is that it doesn't follow that because you think sex with someone else was unlikely on a particular date doesn't mean it wasn't possible.

This is exactly how people get away with affairs!! They aren't advertising it and take every random opportunity no matter how unlikely. That may not be this case of course and I'm not saying it is but I am saying a healthy dose of scepticism never goes amiss.

Most of the men I know who have had repeated affairs are in "happy marriages" where the wife has no idea. Sometimes I know because the man brags to a close male friend who can't keep his mouth shut, sometime because the mistress has confided in me, sometimes because the man is very open about it but keeps his wife entirely separate from his work.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 31/10/2018 12:18

And her FB page - I can’t see anything. It’s just her name and a profile picture. I can’t see any posts or friends or anything like that.

I’ve had a quick squizz through DH’s page and it’s the same - name and profile pic

OP posts:
tolerable · 31/10/2018 12:18

Never say Never. screenshot it and save it. If he received similar msg from a guy-despite knowing was with you at time-would you want him to tell you. ? Its about as low as can be to pull a trandom accusation like that-and even with no reason to believe it-youve been handed the tiniest grain of doubt. Honestly,Speak to him.

MrsWooster · 31/10/2018 12:19

definitely show him. It shows you trust him and will kill that little niggle for you... If there is something going on then his reaction will show you and you can cross that bridge IF you come to it.

safetyfreak · 31/10/2018 12:19

Considering he volunteers once a week, maybe it is someone he knows from there.

blueshoes · 31/10/2018 12:20

Whether she is genuine (unlikely) or fake, don't engage with her. I wouldn't reply to her message. Just check with your dh and watch his reaction.

tempester28 · 31/10/2018 12:21

Is there any chance of a teenager with a crush at the youth group?

hellhavenofury · 31/10/2018 12:22

I have been in the exact same position OP! It feels crap but I figured out it couldn't have been possible and the couple of dates it could of been it was on my FB what I was doing like night out with the girls etc. I bought it up with him straight away as I knew it wasn't true but I was still annoyed t him to be put in that situation as he had given her a lift a few times etc. (He does like to help an injured animal to my annoyance!) He did deal with it and I got over it with a little TLC.

If you believe its not true delete it and get on with your lives happily, some people have nothing better to do!

Rudgie47 · 31/10/2018 12:22

I'd ask to meet her and say that you want all the details. I know so many married men who have had affairs and their wife's suspect nothing. Its these men that are at home all the time as well. I'd want more information first if I were you.

I've even know men who have newborn babies and men who were about to be married shagging about as well.

Crinkle77 · 31/10/2018 12:23

I could just delete and ignore. If the allegations are false i would want to know why she is being so malicious. Is she a jealous ex or is she acting on behalf of someone else who has a grudge? it might not be a grudge against you husband. Perhaps it's a grudge against you for some reason. Surely people don't do stuff like this for no reason.

Crinkle77 · 31/10/2018 12:24

Should have said couldn't delete.

bengalcat · 31/10/2018 12:24

I'd either ignore/delete it or show it to my husband . There are lot of loons online .

hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 12:25

What?
You aren't friends on FB with your own DH????
Seems a bit weird?
Maybe it's not?

ifancyachinese · 31/10/2018 12:26

@hellsbellsmelons I took it to mean she looked up the woman through her dh fb page and didn't seem anything further than she could through her own?

hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 12:27

Aha - that makes more sense!
Thanks

RatUnholyRolyPoly · 31/10/2018 12:28

Yeah, I'd say the FB thing was weird. It's funny, sometimes the red flags are things you don't even think are red flags... until you do. Been there, done that.

...and sometimes people are complete nutters and get you all worked up over nothing!

Oh god OP, how confusing! Flowers

RatUnholyRolyPoly · 31/10/2018 12:28

Oh, okay, if that's what she meant that makes waaaay more sense.

chocolatebox1 · 31/10/2018 12:29

I don't think you should delete it, keep it and take a photo of it showing the senders details in case this continues and you need to do something about it. I think your DH may be upset if it comes up (especially if more messages appear) that you didn't say anything to him.

Zoflorabore · 31/10/2018 12:31

How haven't you mentioned it to him yet? Seems a bit odd, first reaction, check with MN Hmm

PinkAvocado · 31/10/2018 12:34

As it is not possible he could have been with her in those dates, I’d have already shown my husband what she was saying. Sounds like a hoax.

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