Message from someone claiming to be sleeping with my DH

[Tinklewinkle]

I received a FB message a couple of days ago from someone who is claiming to have slept with my DH.

I’m pretty sure it’s nonsense but I guess it’s niggling at me a little bit - she knows my name, named DH and our children, so I don’t think it’s mistaken identity

She’s given me 4 dates when they’re supposed to have been together.

3 of the dates are impossible - 1st date we were abroad on a family holiday, 2nd date we were 200 miles away at SiL’s wedding, 3rd date my brother was visiting us for the weekend and DH was around the whole time. The 4th date we were at home, I can’t remember what, if anything we were doing but I don’t remember anything out of the ordinary.

I don’t know her, I’ve looked her up on Facebook but her profile is locked down - I don’t recognise her from her profile pic and we don’t seem to have any mutual friends.

DH and I work together, he’s not secretive with his phone or anything like that - I use it quite often and there’s no pin code on it, his FB is connected to our business page so I regularly use it and have seen nothing suspicious, I use his laptop sometimes, etc, etc. He doesn’t have WhatsApp or anything like that. I don’t doubt him, I think, but at the same time, isn’t it a bit weird to send someone a message like that if it’s not true?

I do trust him and the rational part of my brain says it’s not true, it can’t be - it’s mistaken identity or someone being weird, but at the same time the message is sitting in my inbox and every time I see it I do wonder.

[Mitzimaybe]

I would reply and ask her for more information / say he denies it and you need proof, e.g. ask where they DTD on the date you were abroad (don't tell her you were abroad) etc.

I would also tell him about it and ask if he knows her.

I would also suspect teenager at youth club with either a crush on him or a grudge against him or you.

[qazxc]

Well it does sound like she's making it up.
Personally I'd tell my DH (because I wouldn't like to be keeping things from him more than anything else).

[Dollymixture22]

I agree it’s odd you haven’t mentioned to him. If some loon sent this about me I’d want to know.

[Juells]

@PristineCondition

“Oh shit, you need to get tested too, he’s got chlamydia hun” 😁

Or..."So you're the reason I have this dreadful STD!!!!!!! You bitch!!!!!!"

[TheSecondMrsAshwell]

On the actual date she’s given me, we hired kayaks for the day - there was just me, DH and our kids together the whole day

She was probably under your DH's kayak with an airtank.

There was a thread like this recently. In that case, I think it was a text. I think they worked out in the end that it was the kid of one of their friends arsing about....

[Wherearemymarbles]

How do you know its a woman? Fake FB profile as easy to make as anything an then lock down.

Probably a sad, spotty male teenager who is bored a s mummy has taken his ps4 away

[DaysOfCurlySpencer]

Reply with 'You do know that genital herpes is not curable don't you?'

[Adora10]

It could be a weirdo, it could be made up but how many times have we read on here from a scorned OW wanting to spill the beans, a lot!

[Wherearemymarbles]

Sure Andora but why give 3 dates which they could not have been realistically together?

[KitKat1985]

Sounds very suspect. I'd mention it to your DH. If only to find out if this is someone he knows that holds a grudge for some reason.

[RibbonAurora]

Jesus, she's already in your head don't let her take root by questioning her or doing any further investigation. It's clearly some kind of spiteful wind u. You should tell your DH, make sure he understands you do not believe it, then, if he has no ideas about someone with a grudge/crush , just block and move on.

[Racontuer]

I think you need to discuss it with your husband. It's someone trying to cause trouble and friction in your relationship. The dates are wrong so you know it's nonsense. They wouldn't have got that wrong if it were true. However, what will they do next? Why are they doing it? Maybe your husband will know or something will suddenly make sense. If you don't raise it now the longer time goes on the harder it will be to raise it and it will always niggle you as unresolved. It's unfair on your husband someone is making these accusations.

[Topseyt]

How weird and unsettling.

There are plenty of loons out there though, with way too much time on their hands.

It sounds unlikely that DH has done anything, but you should tell him about it. If someone is spreading malicious rumours about him then it is best that he knows about it. You'll see his reaction too so will be able to judge that.

Is the name this person has given familiar at all to you? Or indeed to DH, when you see his reaction?

I'd be tempted to start by asking "does the name XXXX ring any bells with you?" and take it from there.

[BowTieBaby]

I’d reply and ask about a made up tattoo/injury

[Adora10]

Nobody can say it's a wind up, spitefulness or true.

The only way the OP will find out for sure (not guaranteed) is to contact the person, it's really not rocket science.

Regardless, I'd want to know why someone thinks it's ok to do this, you'd have to have a pretty strong motive to do something so nasty.

[WendyCope]

What if she IS an OW and threatened your DH with telling you? Deliberately got the dates wrong (as she knew they were mostly wrong) as a warning to him?

She did this maliciously. Happened to my friend. A warning/ultimatum to the DH to prove she could do it if she wanted to. But no REAL damage caused as she chose dates that were impossible.

I'd do more digging if I were you.

[RangeRider]

On the actual date she’s given me, we hired kayaks for the day - there was just me, DH and our kids together the whole day
Oh dear gods he's shagging a bloody mermaid - LTB!

[MrWolfknowsthetime]

It could be someone who fancies him and is trying to stir up some trouble in the marriage.

[NRPDad]

Seems a coincidence that all of these dates have clear alibis.

Is there a risk it is genuine, she has used false dates where she knows your husband was elsewhere, so you don't believe but might challenge him on it. If your husband was actually doing something with someone, he may now feel under pressure to make a decision. The profile may be fake and not traceable to her. Perhaps he has been stringing along OW and she wants to force his hand or show that she still has power (and could tell you real dates and more info if she wished).

[NRPDad]

I see @WendyCope had a similar thought to me.

[RangeRider]

Either you or DH have probably pissed someone off and this is them getting back at you. It's probably not even a legit FB account, just one set up for the purpose. Show it to DH, laugh and delete.

[WendyCope]

What I mean is, it could very well be a veiled threat to your DH.

Or, it could be utter bollocks!

[WendyCope]

Yes, NRPDad exactly what happened to my friend, the OW wanted to be a topic of conversation between them etc etc...

[WendyCope]

Also the dates given are suspicious to me, in that if she was an OW, she would have known about a) SIL's wedding, b) a family holiday c) a family member visiting etc...

How often would these events happen? Not often. If she was an OW it screams resentment and jealousy to me. She WOULD pick these dates.

[FlamingJuno]

When this happened to me (it was a letter through the post) DH picked up the phone immediately to the woman concerned (the letter had come from her or someone in her family). He challenged her on it and it was quite clear there was nothing in it - somebody was making mischief, for reasons best known to themselves. It has happened again since, only this time it was another man, but we don't know who. He was also propositioned over email by the vet's receptionist . I can't imagine why, he's not exactly Tom Hardy .