Being taken for a mug

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone
Just had a blazing row with my partner because I don't have enough petrol to take him home this afternoon. I don't get paid till tomorrow and I literally have 30 miles left which won't be enough to do the 50 round mile trip
I sent him a message saying he needs to find someone else to give him a lift or message his work saying he's got transport issues and I'll take him back tomorrow morning
He's just hung up on me, I'm currently at work and he's in my house in my bed and was fast asleep till I woke him up so he could deal with the situation.
Am I being unreasonable at being absolutely livid with his childish response?

No they dispise him and have wanted me to cut all ties for a long time
All my family and friends hate him for obvious reasons.
My parents have a relationship built on trust and respect which is something I have never had with my ex partner. I think I just wish I had the same but I need to realise it won't ever be with him

Your self esteem is rock bottom because of HIM. He treats you like crap and you lap it up because he's made you feel like you don't deserve better and probably told you that no one else would have you... Well he would do that wouldn't he? To keep you under his boot.

Keep him blocked, do the freedom program and get yourself standing tall and you won't be alone in the future. But to be honest, being alone is better than putting up with abuse from men like him. Show your child what it is to respect yourself or you risk him not respecting you either when he grows up.

Be kind to your older self.

Get rid.

Thanks again everyone

You really don't need to drive over there, so see what he's up to. I can give you a multiple choice quiz (choose as many as may apply):

A) Fast asleep
B) Messaging other girls
C) Taking drugs
D) Gambling on-line

What you do know categorically, is that he isn't :

A) Cleaning his lovely car, all ready for your date later (oh wait, he has
no car and he doesn't take you out)
B) Researching nice restaurants to take you to (why, when he can eat
for free at muggings?)
C) Booking a holiday for 2 in the Caribbean (he's eternally skint)
C) Working hard to pay for the above
D) Crying over you (he doesn't care)
E) Trying to figure out how to earn £150 to pay you back (he has no
intention of ever paying you back)

Hope this helps.

He also owes me £50 for smashing my phone screen last week which I won't see now either

Onwards and upwards...if you
Know of any men that would do any or even one of those things send them my way....I need to raise my standards I think

@onemoresmartie
Please stop defining yourself by whether you have a man or not. It's making you a poor judge of who is worth you spending time with. Start with your DD and friends and then see any relationship as needing to be 'added value', kind caring and generous up to, not a 'put up with'

It is rather exasperating that you e told us how awful he is, yet you still talk all about him. Let it be about you & DS and no one else. Certainly not this druggie, abusive cocklodger. Forgot about the money. It's a bargain to get rid of him

Don't unblock, don't check in with any one related to him, and forget him.

*DS not DD

Fuck's sake. Just be SINGLE for ages. Learn more about yourself, what your standards should be, sort your self esteem out, enjoy being with your child. Don't even THINK about dating someone else until next year sometime. I'd say at least six months but others may think different. Seriously.

Freedom Programme is what you need. See if they do one you can get to then do it. If it's not on near you, you can do it online. Mind you, I think that by hook or by crook you should make the effort to get to one, even if it's a 90 mile round trip! It really would be worth it.

Today has been a strange day...I got up and felt great this morning and positive and now I feel awful..my sister wants me to go out for cocktails and I feel like I can't even face the world

GO OUT... get in the bath, do your make up, put on your favourite outfit that makes you feel confident and go and have good time with your sister, once you're out you'll be fine

Alternatively, stay home, mope about, feel sorry for yourself

YOU need to do this to look after yourself and feel better, which in turn will make your DC happier.

It's hard being around a miserable mum who's pining for an asshole

[Flowers] [Gin] [Glitterball

Well that didn't work, but go out and drink cocktails and dance under the glitter ball

Thank you x I needed this

Monday morning update I am still being strong and lasted the weekend without contacting or unblocking. This morning I have posted his key back to him in the mail...I was going to drive over and deliver it but it's a waste of petrol and my time to do that.
I had a message from one of his friends where he lives at 1.20am asking if I was with him?
I haven't responded and think this is just games to either get me worrying or wondering who/what he's doing
This time I care a lot less

Taking my ds to the fireworks tonight locally which he wouldn't have come with us to anyway because he can't be seen in my home town due to owing people/drug dealers money

God I'm well rid

Does he chip in towards petrol at all?

No why?

Hi Smartie, think I have posted on previous threads of yours.

Just want to say well done for how far you have come, each day will get easier, and each day things will become clearer.

Although I am still trying to process the fact that he cannot be seen in your town, however visited you AND YOUR SON regularly. Do you realize what a risky situation you have put yourself and your ds in?

Doubt very much that you love him, its more that you are with him out of habit, as well as him being an abuser. Emotional as well as the rest.

Yes you are well rid. Block all numbers of friends of his as well. Go through your phone and emails and block anything and everything that is linked to him. Then we cannot try tactics to get a response from you. So, off the grid to him as it were.

I was also in an abusive relationship OP. I didnt think that i would cope being single either. But, i did. And I wouldnt change it for the world.

Thanks thisismylifenow
He used to come and stay at mine but not leave the house so no one would know he was in town...awful I know

Struggling today but I know there will be good and bad days so trying to stay positive and keep busy

Oh! Do let them know where they can find him!

Well done for staying strong. Enjoy the fireworks.

Thanks Jux

What a arse! Whenever you feel yourself weakening come back and read this thread - you can do so much better than this idiot x

Oh OP, as someone who has been in a similar situation many years ago I remember posting here for help. Everyone told me the honest truth and I was so defensive of him, even though I knew deep down they were right. I stayed with him and put up with his man child ways for many years, so many years wasted on him. Like you, I had parents who have stuck together through thick and thin so thought by me doing just that with my ex that's just what you do in relationships.

But respect and loyalty should be MUTUAL, and you KNOW with this guy it's not.

Now since my ex I've dated someone totally toxic who needed blocking. As someone who is a people pleaser (aka a doormat), I just allowed this new guy to totally trample on the self worth I was building up. I have now gone no contact with him, and it was SO hard but going NC, and being single, are the best things I ever did.

No Contact is actually step 1 of building self esteem for yourself. It may not feel like it right now but it's the FIRST time you've put yourself before him in so long that you can hardly recognise it's a good thing. The guilt of blocking him is something you really need to address. The excuses we all give - maybe I should message him to see how his dad is/it's his birthday/I need to get something back from him blah blah blah excuses.

Being single is NOT scary, it's actually pretty brilliant. Right now I have zero drama and can put all my focus onto my kids and myself. Pour all that care you give for him into yourself. Imagine that was your child in a relationship with someone taking total advantage, treat yourself like you would your child and pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

What I find helps is to write little post its and stick them in places I will read often. One for me says 'You made the right decision to block him' another says 'Well done on putting yourself FIRST.'

I realise now just how much this drama was taking over my life. I thought my kids were fine, I thought I was fine. But actually it was affecting my health, and I wasn't fully 'present' with my kids even though I didn't realise at the time, but my mind was always occupied with what he was up to or why he was treating me so badly.

It's time for change now. Just realise if you go back to him you will NEVER get any respect from him. He will be secretly laughing knowing the girl he's used for so long is ready to be used again.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk
www.postmalesyndrome.com

Sites that help with NC.^

Thank you I find myself staring into space wondering if I've done the right thing...I keep trying to distract myself and move forward..taking each day as it comes

God I am so devastated
When does this feeling pass? I'm not sure it's normal to feel this way