Being taken for a mug

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone
Just had a blazing row with my partner because I don't have enough petrol to take him home this afternoon. I don't get paid till tomorrow and I literally have 30 miles left which won't be enough to do the 50 round mile trip
I sent him a message saying he needs to find someone else to give him a lift or message his work saying he's got transport issues and I'll take him back tomorrow morning
He's just hung up on me, I'm currently at work and he's in my house in my bed and was fast asleep till I woke him up so he could deal with the situation.
Am I being unreasonable at being absolutely livid with his childish response?

You have ended it. You can contact his family if and when your ready to cancel Christmas.

There is no obstacles in your way, you are creating them

He doesn't care about you you know that

Blocking him is ending it. You are thinking of reasons not to do it. STOP IT. Sorry to shout, but you must find a way of banging some sense into your head, for your child's sake if not for yours.

His family are HIS problem. Let him explain.

This relationship has TOXIC written all over it.

You hold down a job, run a house, have children - all these things that can be stressful you do.

You let some twAt who is a selfish lowlife who uses drugs, couldn’t give two hoots about you and texts other women run rings around you.

Take control of your life, BLOCK the idiot ...... MOVE ON - you can do this.

Just block without ending it?

Well you did it on September 16, didn't you? You said Finally ended things today. Blocked on all avenues Did you bother getting in touch with his family then? Of course you fucking didn't. Stop putting absolute bollocks in the way. Again.

And how did he wheedle his way back in in late September if you had genuinely blocked him on all avenues?

Come on OP, you're spouting shit and you know it. Every time you find some shit to justify what you're doing. If you don't give a shit about yourself, that's your business to keep coming back here moaning time and time again. At least start thinking about your child and stop potentially fucking up their life.

He didn't wheedle his way back in, he sent me an email saying his dad was terminally ill...
My son isn't affected by any of this as I shield him from it all. They both have a lovely relationship which is also what makes it hard.

Thank you all for your comments. I know what I need to do...I won't be posting any more as I've realised I'm my own worse enemy

Post here as much as you like. Now you are going off in the huff and directing the anger inwards at yourself. That's really not a useful strategy for moving forward to a better life for yourself.
It's not that people on here are sick of you posting.
We just hate seeing another woman being on the receiving end of this. We want you to have a life where you feel respected by others. You deserve that like anyone else does.

Think about what life might be like on your own.
Yes you have difficulties with separation anxiety and you want to maintain an illusion of a great relationship. His family probably like you and that makes you feel good and gives you another painkilling injection so you can cope with him treating you like shit for another bit.
They won't think any less of you if you break up with him.
In reality, he is a feelings management system that you use to keep 'the bad feeling' away from yourself. It's like smoking heroin, the more you use the heroin to keep the bad feelings away, the more you need to run to it each time.
You need to go cold turkey and just have your own feelings - be they good or bad - for a while.
You are no worse than anyone else, really you're not.
You are just caught in a relationship/attachment trap. He plays on your fear of separation and gets back in when you are vulnerable.

I think this comes under the heading of "PISS OR GET OFF THE POT"

You either accept him, and all of his faults (and stop creating threads on here that you don't listen to), or you break up with him, and look for someone better.

List the Pros and Cons:

Pros ....(are there any??)

Cons

1. He steals off you
2. He lies to you
3. He messages other women
4. He has a gambling problem
5. He does drugs
6. He makes no effort with you
7. He expects you to do all of the running (and meet the fuel costs)
8. He lounges around your house, using your heating etc, when you aren't there.
9. He's a slob

10. He has "moods" and ignores you for days

He sounds absolutely vile. And stop kidding yourself, that your son is oblivious to the fact that his mother is DEEPLY unhappy. That's bullshit. Look at all the time you've spent on this forum discussing this man. You could have spent that time with your child. You could have also spent that missing £150 on your child (or yourself).

Are you really so desperate to have a man, that any man will do? Honestly?

Just fuck him off. He's a total loser. He's costing you money. You're 30 years old. It's time to get your fucking shit together. I can only assume that he is an absolute Adonis with a 10 inch golden cock.

If he emailed you, then you hadn't blocked him on all avenues!

If you're going to do it, you have to do it and stick to it. Every time you say you're going to finish it you don't, or you do finish it (but only half heartedly) and back he comes again and you allow him to. And allow him to treat you like shit.

It's not about making you stop posting. It's about bluntly making you realize just how toxic this is and how you are behaving to try and finally make you snap out of this cycle so you come back posting about how much happier you are in five months' time! Because up until now, you really haven't been hearing it.

I think the question is are you going back every time because you truly love him, or because you’re used to him.

I echo other posters in saying that keeping your relationship going with this man child will be affecting your son.
He will notice how unhappy you are. Children often internalise this and blame themselves.
The money you're wasting on this man, is money you could be spending on your son.
The time and energy you're wasting on this man is time and energy you could be spending on your son.
Children grow up too quickly. Don't waste your son's precious childhood years.
I suppose for me it would boil down to who's welfare do I are about most? That of a man who's an abusive, cheating thieving man child, or my son's.
I know who I'd pick. Who will you pick?

Husky - I did a list like this the last time we split up it does help

I feel sad but I need to look forward to the future and imagine what my life could be like in 3 years time...I can't waste any more time chasing after someone who doesn't care

Start caring about yourself OP
Honestly start caring about how you want to be treated
You can have a loving supportive relationship but this man is blocking that chance!
He is blocking your right to happiness, support, love and deep care
Start concentrating on what you actually want and rid your life of what's in the way of that
Find your boundaries and stick to them!

If you are treated in any way less than cherished, loved and respected, it is bad enough to leave. (Quote from a MNetter from years ago.)

Do you feel cherished, loved and respected? That is what you should be looking for, but you will never meet the man who will do that while you stay with the man who doesn't.

Think forward to Christmas with your DC. Plan something nice. If you don't want to be at home, maybe plan a few days in a hotel.

Of course the next days and weeks will be painful. Tough decisions are often painful.

Take one hour at a time if needed.

Don't use having a man as a status symbol. Become a strong fierce independent woman who takes no bullshit

Huskylover: you missed out " He doesn't drive". I am one of those women who won't go on a date with a man who can't drive.

Good point about not driving. How unattractive in a fully grown man.

Your poor child. :(

Why my poor child?

I guess that people think kids deserve a happy mum. 'Shielding' him is an act. It's not you. You present a fake face to your kid, and that's a bit sad.

It's pretty obvious, why. Come on. Give your head a shake.

My child is happy and thriving...there's nothing poor about him.
The reasons I have not moved my partner back in is for his happiness so I'm not sure I agree with those comments.
My ds loves him and last time we split he got uncontrollably upset at the thought of never seeing him again because he has such a nice relationship

That's what I'm afraid of this time...hurting him all over again as he's only 7

So, mummy is teaching him that women must always put themselves last.

I'm willing to bet that his sadness at losing him will be made up for by having a happier mother.

Quite. So you're going to upset him again when you didn't need to because you should never have taken him back. You could have avoided it. You have this bloke coming in and out of your young son's life. A man who is the most appalling role model he could possibly have - read those threads of yours or the short list of bullet points a poster handily provided earlier. Why would you want your son around a man who does drugs, treats his mum like shit etc etc.

You want your son to think that how this arsewipe behaves is the right way to live? That how he treats you is how he should treat a woman when he is older?