Hi all
I have recently been dating a new guy who seems perfect, as they all do at first! (she says rather cynically...)
He is incredibly charismatic, sweet, kind and caring. He is very demonstrative, affectionate and generous in bed. He pursued me pretty hard and I have fallen for him. He said the L word first.
BUT, my brain is ding ding dinging with red flags and I wanted to share my thoughts on the forum.
I know some readers will simply say 'just leave' but I'd really enjoy having a discussion about it, really to make sense of my experience as this helps me to process things and move on.
So the red flags are as follows, please note these have materialised over time and not all at once, and obviously are interspersed with a great many good things, it's not been all in the red...(this makes it all the more important to sift through the behaviours...)
Obviously not all of these behaviours may indicate sociopathy, but I wonder if together they paint a picture.
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He told me that he doesn't really understand people's emotions or feelings. I told him once that I felt afraid walking in the dark and he simply could not understand why, despite my explanations.
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Told me that I am the only thing/person that makes him feel any emotions, which is why he knows he loves me. Says he can go days feeling nothing/numb. Said feelings last for a short time, i.e. he can watch a sad advert and feel something briefly but there will be no lingering connection to it.
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Says feelings don't come from him, but rather come from external things I.e can't understand the idea of waking up on the wrong side of the bed just because or having a bad day or being in a bad mood just because.
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Said a previous girlfriend stabbed him as was so angry about his distant behaviour.
Has previously (for two weeks many years ago), been in videos because someone suggested that he did, in which no s* was performed, but other acts. He said he didn't enjoy doing this but felt no emotion about it - it was just for money.
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Does lots of survivalist stuff, going off into the woods etc and says he has never felt scared or worried.
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Doesn't seem to worry much about health/appearance etc.
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Says that he feels he understands people but they don't understand him.
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Has said twice now he wonders if he could be a sociopath because he just doesn't feel things but has learnt how to pretend at work etc so people don't worry.
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Says he relates to the character Dennis in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - the character is an extreme example of an undiagnosed sociopath but plated for laughs and clearly exaggerated.
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Says he thinks his behaviour stems from parents who didn't want him and thus neglected him, so his defence mechanism is not to expect anything from people.
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I asked what made him feel touched/validated, and he said nothing really, other than big gestures.
Interspersed with all this are actions that are very kind. He makes food, brings me drinks, is cuddly, talkative, always complimentary, I've seen him get emotional and cry (although is that because I'm the only person that makes him feel, as he said?). he sends presents, likes to be around me and is ultimately very engaged, but these things he has said make me wonder if in the long term I'm dealing with an unfeeling person. I myself am very sensitive, emotional and empathetic, I'd say I'm even highly sensitive.
Also, do any other women or men have experience with a man (or woman) who displays similar traits? I don't believe for a minute he is a sociopath in terms of being violent or abusive, but I do feel he is emotionally not quite all there.
Would love to hear from others as never met someone who has said they don't 'feel anything' before...