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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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I KNOW SOMETHING I DONT WANT TO KNOW.

173 replies

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 18:39

I know a close person to me is having an affair on their husband (it's my partner's aunt and uncle) the uncle is my partner's mums brother.. so the auntie is by marriage. We will call them Susan and John Well.... I know that Susan is having an affair on her husband who is my partner's uncle by blood. We are both close to them , nearly more so me than my partner even is. There has been several things to suggest for CERTAIN she is.. several people have also heard of it even some of their neighbours. I don't agree with this sort of behaviour atall clearly, they have a family oldest son is 19, he could even hear this out and about.
I don't want this to happen and I don't want news to travel back in an even more hurtful way. So ... I asked Susan to my home when I was by myself, and I confronted her about it. I told her that several people have been talking about it and she denied it? I told her that maybe she should still say to her husband that there are rumours so he doesn't hear it from someone else and maybe get the wrong end of the stick. She was looking me right in the face and really didn't seem put out by what I told her.. at the beginning I thought maybe everything is blown out of proportion maybe all the details are wrong.... But nah... She was TOOOOOO calm. There deff can't be any other explanation for the goings on. So I'm gutted she lied to my face. I said im just giving her the opportunity to beable to tell her husband before someone else did and she said oh absolutely and hugged me and then said "I will go straight up to the house now and tell him". .. well she never went straight to the house? She never came bk until several hours later... She didn't tell him!! So now.... Do you think the information should be passed on to John? It's really going to devastate him, but then... She should've thought about that before she done this.

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 28/10/2018 18:42

Rumours aren't evidence. What actual proof do you have?

ZoeZebra1 · 28/10/2018 18:49

I don't think it really has anything to do with you...

MMmomDD · 28/10/2018 18:52

Rumours and things that ‘suggest’ events - are NOT facts.
OP - you really need to stop meddling in other people’s lives.

LIZS · 28/10/2018 18:55

Keep out of it.

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 19:47

Pictures of her car at his house at all hours, I saw her myself going into his work premises early in the morning , at concert with him and lied and said she was with her sister somewhere else..
Easy to say "keep out of it" its abit hard to keep out of it, I'm in their house every week the guilt of facing John even is just too much I feel so unloyal to him. She made her bed she can lay in it

OP posts:
WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 19:48

And to say I need to stop meddling in other people's business is very Over the top. I NEVER usually would share anything like this or even get involved, but because I care so much about these people it's a different matter. It's not as if it's a complete randomer to me.

OP posts:
MrsPerfect12 · 28/10/2018 20:08

I always take the stance that if someone knew something I should know about my life then I would want to be told. I’d feel very betrayed by my DP and really hurt and upset with anyone else that knew that could of told me. Especially if close friends or family. X

Littlechocola · 28/10/2018 20:11

What do you think you should do with this information (that may or may not be true)?

CrumpledStiltskin · 28/10/2018 20:12

What does your dp think you should do?

Hepzibar · 28/10/2018 20:42

What has this got to do with you? Mind your own business.

PortiaCastis · 28/10/2018 20:45

See all hear all say fuck all

Florries · 28/10/2018 21:04

Take her on Jeremy Kyle.

TheNewSchmoo · 28/10/2018 21:07

Well aren't you just loving the drama

hiddeneverything · 28/10/2018 21:11

Tell
Him but be prepared to be the fall guy

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/10/2018 21:17

You have no idea what the inside of their marriage looks like. I would keep my mouth shut. Close friend of sister, that might be different. But you are involving yourself in stuff that is not your business.

What does your partner say?

Bluetrews25 · 28/10/2018 21:19

@Florries beat me to it!
A good lie detector test should sort it out.

Xanadu44 · 28/10/2018 21:21

I would want to know. To all the people saying mind your own business then what would they do if John found out she knew? He's family!! Of course she should tell John. She can tell john she isn't certain but there are rumours. Let him decide for himself if he wants to investigate/confront. It's only fair that he has all the facts.

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 21:31

MrsPerfect12 EXACTLY ... That's how I feel aswell , I feel like I'm allowing it to happen and I'm watching it happening and if it ever comes out that I knew ... Which I find hard to hide my emotions John won't speak to me atall or even his family for me keeping it all a secret for her.

OP posts:
WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 21:32

I'm sick of yous saying I love the drama and all this other b.s clearly not!!!! As if I want someone to do this to one of the nicest men there is and a lovely family!! Wise up would yous.

OP posts:
lostfrequencies · 28/10/2018 21:32

Side note but is "affair on" a phrase? I've not heard it before.

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 21:34

What do you mean close friend or sister? I am a close friend. So close they have pics of me and them all round their house!! That's how close. I'm not an outsider. I may aswell be one of their sisters

OP posts:
TheSageofOnions · 28/10/2018 21:44

You've no hard evidence and what happens if you do mention it to someone and it all turns out to be false. She's not having an affait and it's all a misunderstanding? Say nothing. Do nothing.

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 21:44

Well..... Anyways I need to do nothing now I guess. One of his sisters heard it tonight from someone else. And told the rest of the family about it and John is being told now. Looks like I don't need an answer to my question anymore. I knew it would get back eventually anyways. I was trying to do the right thing by my close friends. Clearly they're alot of people on here would rather keep their mouth shut and keep themselves out of shit instead of doing the right thing. I would refuse to believe that if any of your partner's where cheating on you with someone and one of your best-friends knew about it you wouldn't want them to tell you and you would rather hear it from a randomer off the street. I'd very much Doubt that.. and having an affair on someone is a phrase aswell just to clear that up to. Get back to your perfect kept to yourselves lives now X

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 28/10/2018 21:44

Learn how to mind your own fucking business. You don't know that an affair is happening, you have no proof, and stirring the pot because you want some excitement, or to demonstrate how 'moral' you are, will not just backfire on you (which would serve you right for meddling) but will cause harm to other people.

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 21:51

ReanimatedSBG ... I don't need to learn. I think you're missing the part where "THESE ARE VERY CLOSE FRIENDS AND MY PARTNERS UNCLE. It's not something I am enjoying one bit. And also, I don't give a shit if anything falls back on me! It wasn't me was taking pictures of her going everywhere and doing this that and the other it's getting sent around like a chainmail. I'm trying to protect her her husband and her family from what now is going to be an absolute disaster . I was simply asking what I should do before it was to late... But now it is to late.

OP posts: