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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I KNOW SOMETHING I DONT WANT TO KNOW.

173 replies

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 18:39

I know a close person to me is having an affair on their husband (it's my partner's aunt and uncle) the uncle is my partner's mums brother.. so the auntie is by marriage. We will call them Susan and John Well.... I know that Susan is having an affair on her husband who is my partner's uncle by blood. We are both close to them , nearly more so me than my partner even is. There has been several things to suggest for CERTAIN she is.. several people have also heard of it even some of their neighbours. I don't agree with this sort of behaviour atall clearly, they have a family oldest son is 19, he could even hear this out and about.
I don't want this to happen and I don't want news to travel back in an even more hurtful way. So ... I asked Susan to my home when I was by myself, and I confronted her about it. I told her that several people have been talking about it and she denied it? I told her that maybe she should still say to her husband that there are rumours so he doesn't hear it from someone else and maybe get the wrong end of the stick. She was looking me right in the face and really didn't seem put out by what I told her.. at the beginning I thought maybe everything is blown out of proportion maybe all the details are wrong.... But nah... She was TOOOOOO calm. There deff can't be any other explanation for the goings on. So I'm gutted she lied to my face. I said im just giving her the opportunity to beable to tell her husband before someone else did and she said oh absolutely and hugged me and then said "I will go straight up to the house now and tell him". .. well she never went straight to the house? She never came bk until several hours later... She didn't tell him!! So now.... Do you think the information should be passed on to John? It's really going to devastate him, but then... She should've thought about that before she done this.

OP posts:
maccax · 28/10/2018 21:52

They may be a happily open couple...you've raised the issue with her, now leave it.

Haffiana · 28/10/2018 22:07

Has anyone told your boyfriend's Uncle and Aunt that their nephew's girlfriend is spreading gossip about them all over Mumsnet and now the whole family know?

NorthEndGal · 28/10/2018 22:19

Well, they know now, so it would be appropriate to break out at this point, as I am sure you know.

NorthEndGal · 28/10/2018 22:19

Keep your beak out* not break out

Gingerlover2 · 28/10/2018 22:33

You sound somewhat gleeful about telling him. My guess is you don't need us to advise you, you've already made your mind up but be prepared to be shunned by both of them if you do.

Invariably when someone decides to be judge and jury in anothers marriage they end up losing the relationship/friendship.

She clearly wasn't phased by your threats and you've no idea what goes on in their marriage.

Dadaist · 28/10/2018 22:34

In these things there is rarely smoke without fire - and if you care about someone who is being betrayed - it really depends on what you know as opposed to what you suspect. If you are close then Ignore people telling you it’s not your business. And be sure you aren’t adding to roumours but be clear on what you know. You’ve confronted her - she said she’ll tell him - now just raise it with him as in - ‘did Susan tell you I’d spoken to her about what’s being said? She said she’d speak to you about it.’ Then you’ll have done what you can.

Gingerlover2 · 28/10/2018 22:38

After reading your rants, you seem somewhat unhinged. YOU put this on a PUBLIC social media site to ask what to do, when you were given responses you didn't like YOU behaved like a teenager having a tantrum. Seems to me you love the drama. Grow up.

Original poster
WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 22:46

Honestly.. I just wanted to know on here if I should've went and said to John before more shit was stirred and people that mean nothing to them would've passed on to John and Susan even. But now it's his family that is telling him, not his wife, which is going to be disastrous something I really didn't want to happen. His family aren't even willing to listen to what she has to say, or even if there's another side to the story!!
Fuck people are twisted.
Some of you want to make it look as if it's a different situation than what it actually is.. as if I'm so excited for all this! I'm not around in pictures round their house and over there every week and also sang at their wedding and what not else for no reason..we are VERY close.
Seriously like, Susan was glad that I spoke to her about this and my partner was also.
To the people that actually know where I am coming from . Thank yous. Glad to see they're people has a bit of understanding in them.. But anyways I don't need anymore comments.. the situation is now going to be alot worse for Susan and John.

OP posts:
Original poster
WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 22:48

Public ... And remain anonymous for advice , haven't a clue in the slightest who I am where I am from who they are, their names anything else. Of course I will speak back to people saying I love drama and the biggest load of shit especially when they don't even know one single thing about me or what I love. Time to get of the high horses.

OP posts:
TheWiseWomansFear · 28/10/2018 22:49

Having an affair on is not a phrase...

And none of you have empirical evidence that there is an affair happening, so it sounds like a witch-hunt fuelled by rumourmongers...

Gingerlover2 · 28/10/2018 23:08

As I said, unhinged. I really hope you think about the responses you've got here and how you have behaved. I doubt it though. No idea why you'd even bother posting this on a relationship thread as you seem to be an expert on everything.

Gingerlover2 · 28/10/2018 23:09

FYI, you doesn't have an s on the end of it.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/10/2018 23:17

Some people have happy open relationships. The fact that some of their more stupid acquaintances want to barge in whining and slobbering about 'cheating' is just a minor irritation to them. You were basically patted on the head and told to mind your own fucking business already (by 'Susan'), but you're still stirring. Good luck with that

DontCallMeDaisy · 28/10/2018 23:32

OP, i think you got given a hard time on here purely because some snobby people reading your posts didn't like your turn of phrase. It made them feel superior to ridicule you amd correct your grammar instead of advising you.

Hope it turns out Ok for your friends

mogratpineapple · 28/10/2018 23:33

You've done your bit by confronting the aunt. The rest is not your circus.

WellThisIsShit · 28/10/2018 23:33

I hope everything works out ok for them

Italiangreyhound · 28/10/2018 23:35

Nothing to do with you. Keep out.

Japanesejazz · 28/10/2018 23:42

If I saw a car outside my aunts house I would immediately assume she was having an affair
I don’t have any aunts so I’m assuming this is what would happen?

Original poster
WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 23:43

DontCallMeDaisy, Yeah Thank You. I know how to spell but when I'm typing in something like this I'm not really worried about my spelling or anyone elses, don't know why that even bothers people. Having a go at me for being a somewhat bad person is just ridiculous, talk about being judged. Some really rude people, that actually think they know it all themselves therefore talk down to people and expect them to take it. Not even related to what I asked.. Fair enough people saying not to say or keep out of it, that's their answer to what I asked but anything else is just rude people looking to argue with someone at any chance they get. But then I'm the one loves the drama. Yeaaaaaaah ok...

OP posts:
CartwheelCath · 28/10/2018 23:45

Oh god. Keep out of it.

You actually have no idea what goes on in their marriage. Yoy have no 8dea what they agree or don't agree to between themselves.

You just need to stand back and ignore what you think you know. Stop jumping to what may seem the obvious conclusion.

You risk losing both of their friendship if you go meddling, however well intended. The messenger usually ends up being made out yo be an interfering shit stirred. I doubt you'll be thanked. There is mire chance of being shunned. There is a very high chance it won't go down well.

It does not matter how close you are. Their marriage is not your business.

JoyceDivision · 28/10/2018 23:51

I was trying to do the right thing by my close friends. Clearly they're alot of people on here would rather keep their mouth shut and keep themselves out of shit instead of doing the right thing. I would refuse to believe that if any of your partner's where cheating on you with someone and one of your best-friends knew about it you wouldn't want them to tell you and you would rather hear it from a randomer off the street.

Op, you seem really clear re your above comment that the person being cheated on should be told.... Yet you came on here for advice, approached the allegedly guilty party and not told 'John' so it's unclear why you've posted considering what you are saying is the right course of action is the one thing you haven't done.

Original poster
WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 23:52

Well if you seen it at a man's house that has a long past record of going with other mens wives and is completely random and also at 3 o'clock in the morning. Sometimes 7 in the morning, and she is lieing about where she is? Where she is going at the weekend and who she is going with, the man actually said to another family relative that he was "Shagging that "doll" and pointing at susan in a bar a few times? I could say other things but it goes to far into detail. I'm really sure everyone would have their suspicions. Although anyway, I no longer need to know what to do as I said it's already been told to him now by his sister.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2018 23:59

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Japanesejazz · 29/10/2018 00:00

Have you got a number for Jeremy Kyle?

Original poster
WOMANTALK · 29/10/2018 00:02

Whatever. Hopefully none of you are ever in this position.

OP posts:
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