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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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I KNOW SOMETHING I DONT WANT TO KNOW.

173 replies

WOMANTALK · 28/10/2018 18:39

I know a close person to me is having an affair on their husband (it's my partner's aunt and uncle) the uncle is my partner's mums brother.. so the auntie is by marriage. We will call them Susan and John Well.... I know that Susan is having an affair on her husband who is my partner's uncle by blood. We are both close to them , nearly more so me than my partner even is. There has been several things to suggest for CERTAIN she is.. several people have also heard of it even some of their neighbours. I don't agree with this sort of behaviour atall clearly, they have a family oldest son is 19, he could even hear this out and about.
I don't want this to happen and I don't want news to travel back in an even more hurtful way. So ... I asked Susan to my home when I was by myself, and I confronted her about it. I told her that several people have been talking about it and she denied it? I told her that maybe she should still say to her husband that there are rumours so he doesn't hear it from someone else and maybe get the wrong end of the stick. She was looking me right in the face and really didn't seem put out by what I told her.. at the beginning I thought maybe everything is blown out of proportion maybe all the details are wrong.... But nah... She was TOOOOOO calm. There deff can't be any other explanation for the goings on. So I'm gutted she lied to my face. I said im just giving her the opportunity to beable to tell her husband before someone else did and she said oh absolutely and hugged me and then said "I will go straight up to the house now and tell him". .. well she never went straight to the house? She never came bk until several hours later... She didn't tell him!! So now.... Do you think the information should be passed on to John? It's really going to devastate him, but then... She should've thought about that before she done this.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 29/10/2018 00:04

Such a drama queen. You’re loving it and can’t wait to get a bit more involved.

Really uncomfortable to watch you ranting.

WOMANTALK · 29/10/2018 00:05

Don't know why most of you are on this. Probably only on to act the perfect woman, perfect mother, perfect everything. So sickening. I asked should I say... I got my answer. I'm no longer in the position to have to say. Although now that John will be upset I never told him when I knew about it. Can't win in this either way. And no don't need a number for Jeremy Kyle this is a very serious situation not a joke.

OP posts:
Sugarsnappy · 29/10/2018 00:08

I think you're getting a hard time here. If I genuinely believed that this could be true, I'd feel awful knowing but John not. Seeing from your update the truth (whatever that may be) should come out and he can decide what he wants to do

Dljlr · 29/10/2018 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RomanyRoots · 29/10/2018 00:09

"Having an affair on" and "yous" are heard in Liverpool and other NW towns.

Just thought I'd say Grin

Japanesejazz · 29/10/2018 00:12

Dying 😂
Sorry
You could be the replacement for niteandfog
It’s not your situation, however serious it is. It’s not your family, you are not an in law, it’s not a work situation, it doesn’t involve your children. FIN

WOMANTALK · 29/10/2018 00:14

They aren't but they are my good friends. And I didn't want them to get hurt. Simple as that.

OP posts:
naivetyisthenewblack · 29/10/2018 00:20

WOMANTALK ignore them. You were obviously trying to do the right thing.

Japanesejazz · 29/10/2018 00:24

You didn’t cause the hurt. Life’s a bastard and if you are stupid you get married and have to divorce one

Hadenoughofallthis · 29/10/2018 00:25

Ate you from Liverpool, by any chance?

ohello · 29/10/2018 00:39

Usually I'm one of those people who says sure, let the person know that their DP is cheating on them. But in this individual case... OP you are coming across as a vengeful shit-stirring drama llama.

REGARDLESS of what else is going on in your family, you appear to be the type of person who finds poo on the ground and then magnifies it x1000. Yes, it's legitimately poo and yes you legitimately stumbled across it, but you still need to stay out of other people's business because you are way too judgmental.

Jux · 29/10/2018 00:54

You are complaining that now it's his family who have told him. Isn't that better than a distant non-blood relative? Why would it be better coming from you? I can't think of anything more humiliating than being told by my sibling's child's partner, no matter how well I got on with them.

TrippingTheVelvet · 29/10/2018 00:55

"Having an affair on" and "yous". Didn't realise they did this in Liverpool. I had the OP pegged as Northern Irish. I'm curious now...

WOMANTALK · 29/10/2018 00:59

Ok then. Well I have NEVER been even involved in any sort of situation like this before and haven't even had any sort of disagreements with very many people. So maybe I am coming across the wrong way, probably because I feel abit offended by the way I have been spoken to a few times on this tonight. For the millionith time to say this, I just didn't want my friend finding out the way he now did but was unsure at the same time if I was the person that should pass on my knowledge of things since Susan didn't and it's now a whole lot worse for the family. I just can't get my head around why it would even be seen in any other light than that I was trying to lessen the heartache.

OP posts:
WOMANTALK · 29/10/2018 01:05

My goodness, siblings child's partner.. This "siblings child's partner" has been around this family more than any of their blood relatives ever has been. Doesn't really matter if I'm blood or not! I have a close relationship with them both for 17years or more. Even before my partner.

OP posts:
BlancheM · 29/10/2018 01:07

Who do you think you are? In the nicest way possible, you wouldn't have been able to save the day or lessen the blow or anything else. It's not down to you. You're not involved, you're involving yourself because you want to cast yourself as a character in someone else's mess.

ILoveHumanity · 29/10/2018 01:08

Op. I’m sorry that some pp were getting rude to you, and speaking down at you. You didn’t deserve it.

Some people lack empathy in their advice. Ironically they call you “looking for drama” when they’re the ones stirring up drama with their responses.

So just here to let you know that the internet isn’t all full of such bullies.

Have a good night

WOMANTALK · 29/10/2018 01:12

ILoveHumanity , thank you. I definitely was left feeling shitty after alot of these comments. Especially when I've been judged as something I'm not. XX

OP posts:
MollysGirl · 29/10/2018 02:44

Also, paragraphs

Shoot me now

Xanadu44 · 29/10/2018 06:26

Are we all reading the same thread?!?! Why are people giving OP a hard time?? I can't see any bits where she has taken glee in this. She seemed genuinely concerned about her friends/family. Why the vitriol people?? I know I would want to know. I hope all of you having a go at OP (and swearing at her!!) are never in John's position.

Xanadu44 · 29/10/2018 06:28

Also @MollysGirl really?? @WOMANTALK has just said how upset she was by the thread and (quite frankly horrible responses) and you throw in the little Pearl about paragraphs! Was there really any need for that?!

Coolaschmoola · 29/10/2018 06:45

In all honesty it won't matter who told him. It wouldn't save him any hurt.

Whilst you were undecided someone else was more certain telling him was the right thing to do.

Coolaschmoola · 29/10/2018 06:46

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

Your focus now should be how you can be supportive.

flumpybear · 29/10/2018 06:52

He probably knew anyway plus there may be a whole back story you don't know about. I'd keep well out of it before. And now that others in the family are telling him. Be a friend to him if that's what's needed

loveyoutothemoon · 29/10/2018 07:32

Bunch of bloody bitches you lot are. You have a right to be concerned OP, you sound very close to those involved. At least it's out of your hands now.

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