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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner away with work - left to look after his children and dogs

988 replies

Kitten76 · 26/10/2018 10:54

I moved in with my partner 18 months ago and his two sons - now 18 and 15 and his two big dogs.

He was working normal hours in the area with a good job and salary/car etc.

But about 6 months ago he decided to hand in his notice and start working offshore as a freelancer. I didn't want him to do this as we haven't been together long and our life was great.

He did it anyway, regardless of me.

I am now working full-time whilst keeping the boys in line and looking after the dogs whilst he is away. It's a stress and I am suddenly a single parent for a big chunk of the year. I have no children of my own really get on with the boys etc - but I feel used and it's making me resent him.

I have spoken to him about this and he's said he will not give up his 'dream job'. He gets defensive if I challenge him.

If I move out I am back to expensive rents and a big upheaval, but I don't know what else to do. It's making me fall out of love with him.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 21/11/2018 17:57

Apparently all he did was love me!

Yes. And he should have been looking after his kids, and his dogs and his house and his mum blah blah blah

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 21/11/2018 18:53

If thats his version of love god help him. What a dickwad. As pp said with him asking for money back, tell him you will tot up everything you spent on HIS kids and dogs, plus all childminding and petsitting fees and he can settle up with you, what a stupid fucking dickhead, lol. Good luck with your new life, op!!Flowers

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 21/11/2018 18:57

Yeah, that is just about all he did do. Whereas he should also have been contributing his time, attention and money to you, his children and his family home.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 21/11/2018 18:57

....assuming you call that pathetic show love.

Joysmum · 21/11/2018 21:13

I hate to think how he’d treat someone he didn’t love!

You’re an amazing lady kitten Wine

SandyY2K · 21/11/2018 22:34

Apparently all he did was love me!

It's comical. Trying to make himself the victim.

Asking for money for food! ...What a fool.

He obviously thinks you need a man to live and can't survive on your own.

You're well rid.

VanGoghsDog · 21/11/2018 22:40

all he did was love me!

My ex said exactly that! In an email: All I ever did was love you and try to make you love me.

Twat.

He never told me he loved me, nor showed it. And I suppose he doesn't realise how controlling it sounds to say you 'tried to make someone love you', but that's how it came over to me.

Better off without them, truly. I've never regretted leaving for one second.

GaryBaldbiscuit · 22/11/2018 00:06

But he loved himself more!

penisbeakers · 22/11/2018 06:25

What a monstrous 🔔🔚.

RyderWhiteSwan · 22/11/2018 07:11

FFS! he's still trying to use you as a cash cow! Shock

Yeah, nope. Ignore. At least now if you get a wobble about ditching him, you have more proof of his utter bellendary Grin

Branleuse · 22/11/2018 08:21

long distance love doesnt pay the fucking rent does it, or keep you warm at night

AdoraBell · 22/11/2018 14:15

He wants to money for food? I’d send a turd and tell him it’s the result of his investment.

But blocking him is better than my suggestion.

sparklepops123 · 22/11/2018 17:49

Good luck with the future 💐

Kitten76 · 22/11/2018 18:03

Thank you :()

Today he's blamed me for scratching his car.

He is blocked!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/11/2018 18:06

Shockyou have to see the funny side, he is majorly pathetic!

BackInTheRoom · 22/11/2018 18:09

He's attention seeking!

RyderWhiteSwan · 22/11/2018 18:38

Oh my, he's pulling out all the stops isn't he? Hmm good that you've blocked him.

Lizzie48 · 22/11/2018 20:08

My word, what a complete idiot, you're well rid of him!

Kitten76 · 23/11/2018 10:17

I can't believe I ever saw anything in him. This is not the first time I have been with someone who's like this - I need to learn why I go for these types and steer clear!

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/11/2018 10:34

Kitten, have you ever done the Freedom programme? You can do it online and I highly recommend it.

You are obviously an absolutely smashing person, but I think you need to believe it more.

Kitten76 · 23/11/2018 10:58

TheHodgeoftheHedge - No I haven't done it, but it has been suggested by others that I do it.
I am going to Google it now.
Thank you x

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/11/2018 11:07

Remember - you have proved your incredibly strong and a champion with all the decisions and actions you have taken. Look at how admired you are by everyone on this thread.
You rock. You’ve got this. Time to believe it :)

Kitten76 · 23/11/2018 11:35

TheHodgeoftheHedge Thanks, this thread has given me so much power :)

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 23/11/2018 11:41

Nah, the power was all yours. But sometime we need other people to help us shine a light on it ;)
And apologies for the typos - that should have been “you’re” not “your”.

Kitten76 · 23/11/2018 12:14

True, I just needed to see it :)

I will be SO careful in future

OP posts: