Dating thread 141 - fun and games

[Koko12]

Hope not stepping in anyone’s toes but thought I’d start the new thread as old one was full and I wanted to post!

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Apparentlyacatch that kind of behaviour annoys me and is one of the big reasons I don't really move onto WhatsApp. I'd personally try and make alternate plans and say no if he suddenly appeared. From my experience, people like this are hedging their bets.

eesha that's exactly what it feels like...he is hedging his bets. Waiting for a better offer etc. I'm not going to msg him and ask if we are still on because I'm not going to chase him. As the rule says I am the prize!

Such a shame but oh well... this will help me develop the thick skin I need for this dating lark!

@lompopo He is separating but hasn’t moved out yet (is that a red flag?)

Yes massive red flag - why invest yourself with someone who is still living with their partner? Get out while you can.

I'm sorry to hear some of you are having a shit time - ghosting is just cruel and gutless, I suppose you can at least tell yourself you've had a lucky escape because someone who can do that is really not worth bothering with. But it feels shit at the time, I know.

So, i had a second date with my MrCake.

Totally out of the blue, he suggested we meet up for lunch. We've been chatting on phone/WA till 1am every night, just getting on like a house on fire. I really like him.

But I'm still not sure I fancy him physically. But he's growing on me, and he attempted a shy little kiss which was cute.

3rd date tomorrow... he's cooking me dinner and I'm going to stay over at his place, but he's made up the spare room for me. I'm wary of jumping into bed with him too soon, I'm still not sure I want to, so that's a good compromise I think....

Anyone else had this slow-growing attraction thing and can talk me through it? To put it bluntly - he's very overweight, and I'm not and have never been with an overweight man before. I'm just not sure how to get past it....

@Apparentlyacatch you'll find if someone really wants to meet, they will be keen and pull all the stops out to set something in the diary. I find just having a few more irons helped me, and yes, you definitely are the trophy!

The problem is that the carrot is dangled (not a metaphor, promise!) in front of us, we start getting optimistic and then they pull the carrot further away and you're left thinking - but I really wanted that bloody carrot. We have to remember: it was a bad carrot despite what it initially looked like and we deserve better.

Haha love that lom bloody carrots eh!

I have my date this evening... Still unsure but worth the try.

I've taken the opportunity to pamper myself a bit ( I'm worth it! ) nails, new dress the lot.

I figure if it doesn't lead anywhere I'll still look blooming fabulous!

Lomo tinder is worth it. tbf most guys who want hook ups write it in their profiles, the guys i have spoken too have all been nice. Same as us really just looking for that connection.

Have fun getting back on that horse!

cold I think it depends on what you happy with, you can either get past the weight issue or you can't, your only human.

You can either try for a grower or a hell yeah! I think we all deserve to aim high and go for a hell yeah!

Settling is rubbish, I spent 2 relationships doing that and both sought other woman in the end anyway

I’ve been ghosted. Full on ghosted and not the slow gradual decline into nothingness.

We’d arranged second date for Friday, usual conversation the night before, he really liked me (blah blah the usual) then in the morning bam unmatched from Tinder and Bumble, blocked on WhatsApp, FB, Snapchat. First time this has happened. I know it’s all about him and not me but Jesus it’s a bit of a kick in teeth.

That’s horrible Fondue sorry to hear it.
As you say, it’s about him, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
Hope you feel better soon and meet someone else if that’s what you want.

Apparently in your shoes I'd forget him. At this stage he should be trying to show he's keen. He clearly isn't that bothered, do you shouldn't be either.

If he does get in touch, I'd say as you hadn't heard from him you accepted another date and are no longer available.

No reply in 24 hours, I'd definitely forget him :)

Fondue sorry you’ve been ghoasted, it’s a horrible feeling but it apsolutely isn’t your fault. I still haven’t heard from my iron, I don’t think I can really call him a iron now, such a shame as we got on well when we met but another part of me think it wouldn’t have worked anyway as he works away all week and spends most weekends with his kids (not sure where he was going to find time for a relationship).

It’s crazy reading how many of us are getting ghosted and people vanishing before the first date.

Fondue I'm fuming on your behalf so men are C*s

I bet he's in a relationship or something and covering his tracks

Knobhead.

cold I'm in a bit of a slow burner situation myself. I posted before about Mr Spain. Well we are still on but have yet to sleep together. It's been a good couple of months now and up until this week had only got as far as a snog at the end of each date. Things progressed slightly this week but still no actual sex. I actually think this way is ok now. Slow and steady. I feel like I'm being courted as such. Started off by asking me to date him, he sent me beautiful flowers to work and then this week asked if I'd be his girlfriend. I wasn't sure I fancied him but now after getting to know him without the complication of sex too soon, I'm finding I do like him a lot.

I'd give it some time. He might be a grower....

Ghosting is the pits of behavior. What is even more pathetic is the blocking on everything as if they are some wonderful catch that a woman will hunt them down.

Absolutely ridiculous. This is why we must not adopt this cowardly tactic. A simple text FFS and the recipient can say "Oh ok, no worries, thanks for telling me", like one of mine did when he started seeing someone.

I retained my respect for him but really it should be standard behavior.
Sorry @fondue. It does feel like a kick in the teeth.

Just to add that I had a wonderful night with a guy who I had filed in the "time waster" box as such little communication plus he works crazy hours.
Last night though, the stars aligned and a spontaneous meet up occurred.
He was absolutely bloody fucking gorgeous and even if it was just one night, I'm grateful for the "go".

Hey that sounds great, Azzizam
Good to hear you had a good time!

@Azzizam, fantastic, exactly the attitude to have!!

Was worried about 4amGuy on POF as he seemed to disappear last night, I'm telling myself not to chase these dudes so i kept quiet all day, he has just messaged so phew lol.

Bumble has been like tumbleweed (been on it 2 days but I'm a redheaded Aries so patience is not my forte lol). 2 guys had seemed interested, messaged both of them early afternoon and not a dickybird, but just had a "match" on Bumble (confused still with how this all works on this app) and he is one I had swiped right on, seems nice so fingers crossed! But now i feel bad as i could potentially be talking to 4 guys at the same time..... it so isn't my style lol..... just have to keep telling myself that this is what most of the guys on these sites are doing too......

A man who ghosted me last year, blocked me mid conversation when I challenged him about why he wouldn't meet me, keeps popping up on messenger. I'm assuming it's because he still has my number in his phone. So far I've resisted messaging him, maybe one night when I'm drunk 😁 (definitely joking).

Azzizam Fantastic - this is just the kind of thing I need to hear to keep me going.

I have now made contact with another Bumbler - but on closer inspection of his pics (I found more on social media) I am not sure I find him that attractive Need to keep an open mind though!

I'm really sorry to hear people's ghosting stories, don't people realise others have feelings too. The only thing I'd say is if someone feels it's ok to do that to someone, then at least you know relatively early on.

Hello everyone. A few of us from this thread are meeting next Saturday 24th in London. Please PM me if you’d like to join.

Hi, new to this thread. I've been reading along for a while but haven't been able to add anything as I'm not really dating!

Has anyone had luck finding dates outside of online dating? I've tried it but just found it so awkward and not really my thing. I've done speed dating and did end up dating someone from it for several months.

So hard to met dateable men in every day life and I know I'm not making it easy for myself by avoiding OLD.