My new bf has disappeared...

[DizzyBeeme]

Hello all...

I wonder if anybody can help..my new partner has literally gone awol. We have been together for nearly 6 weeks now and he calls / txts me about 20 times a day . He is really into me and we have a lovely relationship. He lives about 2 hours drive from me. On Wednesday I received a distressed phone call from him..saying some friends had stabbed him in the back and..he sounded broken and said it was not my fault..I then got a flurry of txts from him..and a final txt at 6.50pm saying his phone was out of battery and his body really hurts... he sounded panicked and very distressed. I tried to call/message back but phone was off by this point.

Since then. Nothing. His phone is switched off. I don't have any family or friends numbers yet..and apart from drive down to try and find the man..I do not know what to do.

I'm thinking Maybe he needs a few days to sort himself out...he has not been on Facebook or any social media at all. He is a responsibly physiotherapist with a great job..I'm st my wits end ladies. I really really care for him..
I just dont know what to do.. help..

My gut feeling says that he’s either ghosting you or behaving like this to cover something up but I would still be concerned enough to check on him by phoning hospitals or sending policepveror similar - its unlikely but he could be very unwell.

6 weeks and he's done it twice
He sounds awful
I would cut my losses and run

Oh he has done it before?! Hmmm

I'm guessing he's married and his wife's found out...

@GlasgowWorrier 

You came out of an abusive marriage just 2 years ago. I don't know how long you were with your ex husband or what form the abuse took but what I do know is that abuse tends to skew every sense of what is 'normal' and erode personal boundaries to the point of non-existence. To that end, in their quest to find a 'normal' relationship many people who've suffered at the hands of abuse end up walking into another abusive relationship without really knowing or understanding it because their self-esteem, self-worth and sense of self has all but vanished. You ought to proceed with absolute caution so that you don't end up in a cycle of abuse.

This was what I was thinking when I asked my last question. Plus, if you don't understand the dynamics behind abuse it's easy to compare one abusive man to your abusive ex and conclude the new one "must not be abusive" purely because he uses a different set of tactics to the man who abused you before. It's not a reliable measure.

Op, did you do the Freedom Programme or have support after you got out of the abusive marriage?

Freedom Programme covers the differences between healthy and abusive relationships, as well as how to spot early warning signs (like love bombing).

Might be worth thinking about doing it so you can have more confidence in your own judgements and instincts, and avoid men who mess you around before you get this involved.

It's free to attend the course, and confidential. You won't have to talk about anything that's happened to you, you can just listen. Or there is an online version for a small charge (£10), but if you can go in person I'd recommend it.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You've known this guy for 6 weeks and he's already done a bunk twice? Fuck that. Stop considering everyone you meet a partner. Get rid of this guy, he's a bullshitter with no respect for you.

6 weeks in and he's already in complete control of your life, isn't he? And it's all about him. Him, him, him. Me, me, me. I'm in trouble. I'm the 'victim' of some mean people. I'm the 'victim' of some illness and have a red rash. Then he shares all this with you even though he barely knows you.
Why is he saying 'it's not your fault'. What the hell is that about? He's got some bizarre stories and fantasies going around his head. Do you really want to take all that on?
Someone who texts someone 20 times a day is needy and insecure, checking and controlling.
Every text requires and needs an answer. A text is A Demand for An Answer. A text is a Demand for Attention like a baby's cry.

So have you checked the physio register like many posters have suggested??

Hm yeah 6 weeks really is a tiny portion of someone's life and he may have been concealing a lot of things quite easily in such a short time frame but it's hard to tell. I guess you'll just need to wait it out..

What about his immediate family? Children, parents, siblings? Maybe ask them? You could make it seem like a friend reaching out if you aren't sure they know of the relationship etc.

* He does not have mental health issues.. he is a physiotherapist..*

I have no words.

OP at this early stage it should be hearts and flowers not worrying and being upset for hours....he is either seriously unhinged or married or dead.! from his rash!!! ..either way he is no use to you,,..lovely lady cut your losses and move on....you don't need the agro he has brought with him. Try again,move on, be careful and remember you have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince! Take care and Best Wishes sent x

I haven’t even read the whole thread and can’t stop laughing at people adding their own version of events into the story! Mumsnet is the most dramatic place ever never mind the situation

Ok so Iv read it all now. OP it sounds like he’s ghosting you, I’m sorry that’s happened. But like you said get on with your life and leave him be .

The only thing Iv learned here is apparently 20 texts in 24 hours is needy insecure and not acceptable. I better stop messaging my husband immediately

Is "he's a physio" (so must be on the level) the MN equivalent of ...." but he told me he was a pilot" ?

He has gone awol for the second time in only 6 weeks, let him be and move on.

The red rash isn't sunburn by any chance?

I started reading this thread taking it seriously. A friend once dated a bloke who was around for a similar length of time then suddenly he disappeared. She was distraught convinced something bad had happened to him. This was way before social media. We convinced her to let it go. A few years later a mutual friend saw him at a train station. They had a short chat, turned out yep, the wife had found out and he'd gone back home..... As someone pointed out a few pages badk , more red flags here than at the Communist party conference. Let him be. If he has come to harm and police get involved and your details are on his phone they will be in touch.

OP have you actually met this man in person? It doesn’t read like you have...

Ew. Block and delete him. You don't sound in the right frame of mind to get involved in this. You don't need the drama.

I dunno. Sit in the fence with this one bit hope it's not meningitis or snorting

lol at communist

I am laughing at people going WOAH twenty texts. Christ grandmas. That’s not unusual

Get rid, and stay rid when he resurfaces - which he will when you stop contact.