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Original poster

He threw chocolate cake at me?

518 replies

Willow789 · 20/10/2018 18:50

DH took DS out earlier, then dropped him at my DM's for a sleepover. He then went to meet his DM for coffee. He said he would be back by 5:15.

I've been on my own all day with DD 4 months. We are going through a bit of a hard time recently, but as a couple we have been fine. I've been feeling very sorry for myself all day and was very excited for DH to come home with the chocolate cake he had promised to pick me up from the coffee shop. At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area (there is, local football team is playing today and traffic is always a nightmare).

Quarter past 6 he gets back. By this time I have somehow managed to work myself up about the fact he said he would get back over an hour ago but still isn't home. Hormones, lack of sleep, other stuff going on etc etc. When he gets back I'm having a little cry (pathetic I know) and say to him 'I don't think it's fair you promised me you would be back an hour ago but you have only just come home. I've been on my own all day with DD and I just wanted some help.'

Anyway, that escalated into an argument where he says how he needs a break too, how he should be able to go for coffee etc etc. He's annoying me by this point so I just say leave me alone. He throws the chocolate cake at me, calls me a stupid bitch and storms off.

Wtf?!?! He's never done anything like this before. We barely argue. I'm confused and upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:21

@lottiegarbanzo thank you. Desperate is actually the perfect word to describe me right now. I just want DD to sleep for more than one hour at a time without screaming.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/10/2018 20:21

Has he come back yet? Where did he go?

And I am assuming (hoping) the cake wasn't in a box?

Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:21

@AngelaSchrute thank you for that. Feeling very pathetic and stupid right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:22

@Nanny0gg he's out walking the dog. I'm thinking of calling DM and going there for the night.

Cake was wrapped up a paper bag

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 20/10/2018 20:23

Thing is he actually lied he made out he was leaving at 4:30 then didnt

Nothing excuses it though how he behaved

April2020mom · 20/10/2018 20:24

Honestly what a waste of money. So impolite. I’m sorry but both of you guys are to blame here. Personally I think that you should definitely see a therapist or counsellor. And then make amends as well. Put things into perspective here.
If it was a match day then why are you getting stressed out for no reason? It’s not like he was out there drinking at a pub with his friends. Relax. How would you cope if someone else was constantly scrutinising your every move? It’s not polite. You need to learn to let some things go. Pick your battles wisely.
Look at the bigger picture. None of this is good for the children.

Gr33nGlass · 20/10/2018 20:24

Hi Willow, I agree with other pp, ask to have this moved to Relationships. You'll get some real support and advice there.

I hope you're feeling better, a fussy baby all day is exhausting. I think your husband behaved very badly. I'm glad you have a GP appointment Monday, hope they are helpful.

Nice one @Ivegotasecretcanyoukeepit , calling a woman who has just said she thinks she is getting PND again "pathetic". Feels good to stick the boot in does it? He wasn't running late, he left about an hour after he said he would. Ffs.

Hazardswan · 20/10/2018 20:24

Going to your DM's sounds like a good idea Willow 👍

VladmirsPoutine · 20/10/2018 20:25

You were both unreasonable but on balance him more so because whilst you were behaving in a brattish and tediously annoying manner, he behaved abusively by throwing the cake and calling you a bitch.

Lauralaaaa · 20/10/2018 20:25

I think he was very unreasonable to throw cake at you and call you a stupid bitch! Although you might of overreacted slightly, emotions and hormones are all over the place for you I’m sure at the moment. He left the coffee shop later than the time he said he would be home, that’s annoying at any time, let alone when you’ve been with a baby all day and missing your husband. He should have been more sympathetic I think. I understand he kept you informed but could of just said sorry I was late, here’s your cake, I can help you now. Good luck with your appointment on Monday, I hope your husband is more understanding in future, I’m sure he was just stressed as well but it’s no excuse!

Hazardswan · 20/10/2018 20:26

april2020 Shock ??????????????

AngelaSchrute · 20/10/2018 20:29

You are not stupid or pathetic. You have a small baby and had a bad day.

Will your mum be understanding and look after you? If so I would definitely head over there for tonight.

Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:30

I know I shouldn't have thrown my toys out of the pram about him leaving so late. I'm just SO tired. I haven't slept properly in months. DD is EBF so all feeds are down to me and she sleeps max 2 hours without waking up and even the last time she went a full two hours was last weekend. She's up literally every hour day and night. I just wanted him back so I could go to bed for a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:30

@AngelaSchrute she's coming over to get me now. Thank you 

OP posts:
Howdoyoudoit31 · 20/10/2018 20:31

I’d be very pissed off if I was kept to a tight time schedule of when I had to be back by. Let him have a coffee and leave when he’s ready! So what if he’s an hour late..
he took DS out and dropped him off to your mum so it wasn’t like he was out all day.
He shouldn’t of threw the cake but you shouldn’t nag either. Your both BU

Happyinheels · 20/10/2018 20:31

What an absolute waste of chocolate cake! 😉

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 20:32

how do you cope when he is at work??

Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:34

@GreenLantern53 I barely do. DM and MIL have been big helps. They come over most days to entertain DS for a while to let me get some rest. Don't know where I would be if they weren't there.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 20/10/2018 20:36

OP, you have had a bad day. I am not saying your reaction was great but it did not warrant what he did.

He was out of order and aggressive and there is no excusing what he did. Your reaction to him being late does not justify his behaviour.

This so not your fault Thanks

Celebelly · 20/10/2018 20:36

Christ this thread is depressing. Some of you have very warped ideas of what healthy relationships and reasonable behaviour are. I actually worry for you as it smacks of people who have become used to this kind of behaviour and used to minimising it to other people :(

You're doing good, OP. You have a tiny baby and you are sleep-deprived. An hour must feel like a lifetime and it's fine to be upset. You were not abusive or violent. But it's not fine for someone to call you a bitch and throw food in your face.

Enjoy your time with your mum and look after yourself x

AngelaSchrute · 20/10/2018 20:36

Good.

It's an absolutely terrifying time when you realise that you are getting PND again.

Is he aware that you feel like it's coming back?

Sallystyle · 20/10/2018 20:38

thank you for that. Feeling very pathetic and stupid right now.

You are neither of these things. You are going through a difficult time right now, that does not make you pathetic.

BrioLover · 20/10/2018 20:38

This is horrible. I feel like PP have glossed over the fact you have a 4 month old baby and are clearly not feeling ok (which you've acknowledged and are getting help for - well done!) in order to stick in the boot.

Yes he kept in touch. That was about it. He left late when he knew you would be having a shit time and put his need to be out of the house before your need to sleep. That's pretty shit when you've got a four month old. Obviously he needs a bit of time to himself but today was not the day.

Hope you get some rest at your mum's OP and DH realised that behaving like he's the one who's drawn the short straw, and calling you names etc., is not acceptable.

Original poster
Willow789 · 20/10/2018 20:42

@AngelaSchrute he's the one who recognised it first. But I just don't think he realises just how tired and desperate I am, so he's kind of brushing it under the carpet and hoping it goes away I think

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/10/2018 20:42

OP, I know all the arguments for breast feeding and I bf my own children.

But how long has this frequent feeding through the night been going on? You cannot keep going with no rest.

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