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Original poster

He threw chocolate cake at me?

518 replies

Willow789 · 20/10/2018 18:50

DH took DS out earlier, then dropped him at my DM's for a sleepover. He then went to meet his DM for coffee. He said he would be back by 5:15.

I've been on my own all day with DD 4 months. We are going through a bit of a hard time recently, but as a couple we have been fine. I've been feeling very sorry for myself all day and was very excited for DH to come home with the chocolate cake he had promised to pick me up from the coffee shop. At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area (there is, local football team is playing today and traffic is always a nightmare).

Quarter past 6 he gets back. By this time I have somehow managed to work myself up about the fact he said he would get back over an hour ago but still isn't home. Hormones, lack of sleep, other stuff going on etc etc. When he gets back I'm having a little cry (pathetic I know) and say to him 'I don't think it's fair you promised me you would be back an hour ago but you have only just come home. I've been on my own all day with DD and I just wanted some help.'

Anyway, that escalated into an argument where he says how he needs a break too, how he should be able to go for coffee etc etc. He's annoying me by this point so I just say leave me alone. He throws the chocolate cake at me, calls me a stupid bitch and storms off.

Wtf?!?! He's never done anything like this before. We barely argue. I'm confused and upset.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 20/10/2018 19:15

What a waste of good cake Sad

I think you are both stressed, I can see why he was annoyed, sounds like he did his best to get home and collect cake on the way, he took ds to football and then dropped him off for the sleepover so it’s not as though he was off on his own (he was trying to help you out by doing family stuff).

Chalkhillblu3 · 20/10/2018 19:16

I think you need to kiss and make up. You say this isn't his normal behaviour. Rise above it and say sorry. But make him clear the cake up.

TwistedStitch · 20/10/2018 19:17

Wtf am I reading? He threw food in her face whilst calling her a bitch. Of course that is not acceptable OP, and shame on those defending such abusive behaviour and basically saying the OP 'asked for it'. Sickening.

EdWinchester · 20/10/2018 19:18

You were pretty awful but nothing justifies his awful aggression.

I could not be with someone that lashes out in anger name calls. What a hideous example to your children if they ever saw it.

ScottyDog7 · 20/10/2018 19:18

*At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area*

PP seem to be dismissing coming home so late because of the traffic. But he didn't actually leave the coffee shop until after 5.30, which is when he had said he would be home given the bad traffic. I'd be a bit annoyed if DP did that generally, never mind if I was hormonal, sleep deprived and looking after an ill baby all day on my own while he was out at a coffee shop.

Gemini69 · 20/10/2018 19:19

basically saying the OP 'asked for it'

hardly Hmm

HandlebarTash81 · 20/10/2018 19:19

He called you a stupid bitch. Has he done that before?

SandyY2K · 20/10/2018 19:20

He shouldn't have thrown the cake in your face. Or called you names. That was wrong.

When you normally take DS to football with DD, what is he doing?

I wouldn't be happy with his behaviour at all and would probably take my 4 4 month old and stay away for a few days.

Let him deal with everything else. Is be leaving a note saying "gone away with DD for some space for a few days and I wouldn't respond to any calls or messages from him" ... but that's me... because if I stayed in the house it would be a terrible atmosphere.

Rach000 · 20/10/2018 19:20

I agree, it's not ok to throw the cake and don't think you deserved it. It's so hard looking after a sick baby when you are tired. When my husband is a few minutes late from work I start to get annoyed or upset as so ready for him to come home to help or to talk to me some days. I don't tell him, as he is usually there within 10 mins but I know the feeling.

ChessIsASport · 20/10/2018 19:21

It is truly awful for him to do that to you and you have every right to feel angry. Having young children is so hard and tiring and the pressure on relationships can be immense.

To be honest, if he is normally lovely and kind then I would just go and give him a hug without mentioning what happened (and this will probably prompt him to apologise). Be kind to each other. This hard stage when the children are so small doesn’t last for ever and you will have more time and patience for each other again.

grumiosmum · 20/10/2018 19:22

You are both tired.

I would not be trying to ascribe blame to one person in this situation.

Can't you both admit the situation escalated because you were both tired & stressed, have a cuddle & move on?

Jakethekid · 20/10/2018 19:22

Was he getting the cake from the coffee shop he was at with his mum? Or from a different place. When I read this I read it as he should have left and then left late but already had the cake.

Regardless your OH sounds like a dick. Throwing it in your face and calling you a stupid bitch. How can anyone condone that? I've been there with a 4 month old, by myself, with PND and it feels like hell when you are expecting someone home at a certain time. That extra hour can be horrible when you are really down.

Do not apologise to him. Has he a past for anything like this with you? Honestly?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 20/10/2018 19:23

We've only got your side of the story and from that I do think YABU.

He shouldn't have thrown the cake or called you names, that was out of order. You were having an argument and you could have called him something as well, so maybe as bad as each other apart from the cake throwing.

He kept you updated, he was looking after your DS and then dropping him off. He wasn't out with his mates getting pissed so I think you crying and going off at him for being later than expected ws unreasonable.

You're probably both stressed. It sounds like this hasn't happened before, we all lose our rag sometimes and maybe this is what has happened.

indieshuffle · 20/10/2018 19:23

Oh willow that's awful. He is awful. It was obvious that you were upset and exhausted and yes overreacting out of desperation, but if doesn't excuse him calling you names and throwing anything at you.

Angrily flinging it on the counter maybe, but not at you and calling you a B FFS. Where does that come from?

Are you safe now? Is he there?

Bracknellite · 20/10/2018 19:23

Ok over reaction by you to the lateness, but what sort of a cunt calls their OH ‘bitch’?. I think you need a serious talk once you’ve both calmed down.

His behaviour was not OK.

TwistedStitch · 20/10/2018 19:24

Eyeroll all you like Gemini but people can see your comment where you tell the OP she is the unreasonable one and don't even mention his abusive behaviour.

StarsHollow123 · 20/10/2018 19:24

What on earth am I reading in these comments?!?!?!

OP, it is never ok for him to have thrown it at you like that.

There was no excuse.

You have a very young poorly baby and have been at home alone all day.

He has been on a jolly all afternoon and didn't even bother to leave the coffee shop until after he had said he'd be home.

He is entirely in the wrong.

When you were upset he should have apologised for taking so long, made you a cup of tea and brought in your cake whilst offering to look after both DC tomorrow so you can rest up.

Dermymc · 20/10/2018 19:24

His reaction to your over reaction isn't great. I guess he feels slightly aggrieved that he's spent the day helping with driving and seeing his mum and kept you updated, only to come home to a sulky dp. Erbru
Se
If this is a one off, dust yourself off. When the kids are all in bed prope,

Dermymc · 20/10/2018 19:25

Sorry black man boxes on my screen. You need to talk yo your dp properly. His behaviour was not OK. But yours wasn't brilliant either. Tell him how you feel re PND.

Jakethekid · 20/10/2018 19:26

whenisnapped you meant his son right. Their child has 2 parents that she equally responsible

Jakethekid · 20/10/2018 19:26

Are* not she

yawning801 · 20/10/2018 19:27

I don't know what you expected him to do stuck in traffic and being delayed even longer by stopping to get Your Cake hmm

She expected him to not throw Her Cake in Her Face and not call her names, surely? Like any normal, decent husband?

Gemini69 · 20/10/2018 19:28

Eyeroll all you like Gemini but people can see your comment where you tell the OP she is the unreasonable one and don't even mention his abusive behaviour.

Hmm Hmm Hmm

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 20/10/2018 19:29

@Jakethekid - yes of course I did, that was badly worded.

He was looking after their son, just like she was looking after their daughter. They were being parents, things escalated probably because they're stressed. It was wrong to throw the cake but he was hardly being lazy and not helping out with their family.

Gemini69 · 20/10/2018 19:29

She expected him to not throw Her Cake in Her Face and not call her names, surely? Like any normal, decent husband?

would that make his car go faster in traffic then ??

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