Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 20 21

Original poster

He threw chocolate cake at me?

518 replies

Willow789 · 20/10/2018 18:50

DH took DS out earlier, then dropped him at my DM's for a sleepover. He then went to meet his DM for coffee. He said he would be back by 5:15.

I've been on my own all day with DD 4 months. We are going through a bit of a hard time recently, but as a couple we have been fine. I've been feeling very sorry for myself all day and was very excited for DH to come home with the chocolate cake he had promised to pick me up from the coffee shop. At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area (there is, local football team is playing today and traffic is always a nightmare).

Quarter past 6 he gets back. By this time I have somehow managed to work myself up about the fact he said he would get back over an hour ago but still isn't home. Hormones, lack of sleep, other stuff going on etc etc. When he gets back I'm having a little cry (pathetic I know) and say to him 'I don't think it's fair you promised me you would be back an hour ago but you have only just come home. I've been on my own all day with DD and I just wanted some help.'

Anyway, that escalated into an argument where he says how he needs a break too, how he should be able to go for coffee etc etc. He's annoying me by this point so I just say leave me alone. He throws the chocolate cake at me, calls me a stupid bitch and storms off.

Wtf?!?! He's never done anything like this before. We barely argue. I'm confused and upset.

OP posts:

Howhot · 20/10/2018 19:33

I think PP's are being a but unfair. Fortunately I know my OH and if he came home to see me being weepy over him being an hour late he would recognise I wasn't being entirely reasonable but exhausted with a baby, take it in his stride and give me a hug and serve up my cake. And I'd do the same for him.

He sounds like a twat OP. Throwing food in your face is vile and while I could get over his attitude due to the fact your both probably tired, that just isn't on at all. How awful.

honeysucklejasmine · 20/10/2018 19:33

Wtf are these replies?!

OP I would be upset too. He didn't even leave until the time he said he'd be home, then he behaved abusively.

HandlebarTash81 · 20/10/2018 19:35

You lot have some shitty partners if this is okay! Jesus! All day on my own with a poorly newborn and I was the most unreasonable woman on the planet but my husband didn’t throw stuff at me and use abusive language because he’s not a complete bastard.

yawning801 · 20/10/2018 19:37

The fact that he threw cake in her face and called her names has got absolutely nothing to do with his car, Gemini. OP has admitted that she was being U by having a go at him - but that doesn't excuse this kind of abuse. I pity you if you think this is acceptable.

themuttsnutts · 20/10/2018 19:37

Up to the cake incident, I would have said you were being a bit u but nothing out of the ordinary for an overtired and stressed new mum.

I agree the cake throwing is abusive and really hope it's a one off and it definitely undoes anything you've done here

Hazardswan · 20/10/2018 19:38

OP have you got support outside of him? Mum/sibling/friend?

Throwing things is technically a red flag but I think wider context is important HOWEVER to throw something in your face?! Never okay, never an excuse, never ever. What a wanker.

Chalkhillblu3 · 20/10/2018 19:41

I don't think throwing a cake equates to hitting someone. It's more like throwing a drink over someone.

Some of you are just shit stirring IMHO

PrivateDoor · 20/10/2018 19:42

OP I can completely see why you were feeling so upset - you say you are tired and going through a stressful period, your baby is sick and you are concerned you may have PND. Talk to your DH - is it possible your behaviour has been a bit off for a while now due to the PND and he is getting frustrated? You need to let him know what is going on. However he was extremely unreasonable in his reaction to you and I really hope it was a one off and that he supports you through this difficult period.

themuttsnutts · 20/10/2018 19:42

Throwing drinks or food is humiliating, though

ChasedByBees · 20/10/2018 19:42

What he did is abusive and there is NO excuse for that.

yawning801 · 20/10/2018 19:44

I don't think throwing a cake equates to hitting someone.

It doesn't, but now the line has been crossed he may feel able to do it again, and again, leading to a vicious circle. It's important to nip anything like this in the bud before it develops into something more extreme IYSWIM.

HandlebarTash81 · 20/10/2018 19:45

The cake is a bit of a red herring. He called you a stupid bitch!

Mummyshark2018 · 20/10/2018 19:46

Chucking/throwing cake in/at your face is totally unacceptable. Your reaction to him being late was also OTT but both don't equate. He was out of order. Has he apologised?

NoParticularPattern · 20/10/2018 19:46

Yeah so you know you were a little bit unreasonable to go off at him like you did, but equally that doesn’t mitigate the fact that a) he didn’t actually leave until an hour after he said he’d be home. Not reasonable. He wasn’t stuck in traffic the whole time or stressing about getting home safe, he didn’t even bother setting off. And b) not okay to throw food at you. I don’t care how stressed you are or how trying your day has been, throwing something- anything- at someone is not okay.

You were both unreasonable. Probably him more so actually- borderline abusive.

Secretsquirrel252 · 20/10/2018 19:47

It is totally unacceptable for an adult to throw something at someone’s face in a temper. Full stop.

What has happened to MN lately?

Ryderryder · 20/10/2018 19:48

Agree secret

WeWantJustice · 20/10/2018 19:48

There are lots of people on this thread who don't recognise abusive behaviour when they see it.

OP, you were unreasonable. But that does not excuse your DH's abusive response. Throwing food in someone's face is a way to humiliate them and that's what he did to you.

I am that so many people think it's all right to respond with abusive behaviour when someone is being a PITA.

Evilspiritgin · 20/10/2018 19:49

Lol at people on here going mad at him saying he’s abusive calling her a stupid bitch but in the same breath calling him a cunt or a twat, they are obviously the same kind of people

WeWantJustice · 20/10/2018 19:50

What has happened to MN lately?

Fuck knows. It's like Netmums around here.

peakydante · 20/10/2018 19:51

Initially reading your post I thought you were being very unreasonable OP, but then I tried to put myself in your shoes...

I have two DC under two and when DD2 was a newborn and I was left with them both all day I would become very, very unreasonable at times. I would feel rage at DP if he went somewhere else after work instead of coming home to help so I do know how you feel.

I just pictured my DP walking up to me right now and throwing cake in my face and calling me a "stupid bitch" and honestly it gave me a chill... people are minimizing it on here but that is abusive behavior. My dad did similar to my mum when I was a child and it still haunts me thinking about it. He'd apologize and swear it wouldn't happen again - but it did, more than once, and they subsequently divorced. I don't think I could forgive my DP if I were you...

Solenti · 20/10/2018 19:52

I do agree with that Evil. MN is an odd place sometimes.

WeWantJustice · 20/10/2018 19:54

What Evil is doing is derailing from discussion of the OP's DH's behaviour by discussing MNer's language.

It's irrelevant. It doesn't take away one iota from the fact that his behaviour was unacceptable. There is a difference between being unreasonable and annoying, which the OP was, and being abusive. The DH crossed the line and any amount of effing and jeffing by Mumsnetters doesn't alter that.

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 20/10/2018 19:57

I bet he has a great time in traffic, poor sod bet he was fed up and then had to come into you having a tantrum.
You should really be able to look after a 4 month old on your own while he's out doing stuff. It's only like him being at work.
I suppose you won't do it again anyway now you have no cake.

Lunde · 20/10/2018 19:58

I think that throwing food in your face and calling you names are totally unacceptable acts - I cannot understand why many pps are making excuses.

What I don't really understand is that the timeline makes no sense and why he "lost" an hour - did he forget to pick up your cake or did he do something else?

at 4.30 he texted to say he was leaving and the "bad Traffic" meant he wouldn't be home until 5.30 - which sounds OK
but an hour later at 5.30 (when he should have been home) - he was only just leaving the coffee shop at 5.30 and there was still

bad traffic. So what happened? Did he meet up with someone else as well? Did he go somewhere else?

Original poster

Willow789 · 20/10/2018 19:59

@Jakethekid cake from same place he got the coffee, so not going out of his way to pick it up or anything. No genuinely never anything like this before - never even so much as called me a name

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 20 21