He threw chocolate cake at me?

[Willow789]

DH took DS out earlier, then dropped him at my DM's for a sleepover. He then went to meet his DM for coffee. He said he would be back by 5:15.

I've been on my own all day with DD 4 months. We are going through a bit of a hard time recently, but as a couple we have been fine. I've been feeling very sorry for myself all day and was very excited for DH to come home with the chocolate cake he had promised to pick me up from the coffee shop. At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area (there is, local football team is playing today and traffic is always a nightmare).

Quarter past 6 he gets back. By this time I have somehow managed to work myself up about the fact he said he would get back over an hour ago but still isn't home. Hormones, lack of sleep, other stuff going on etc etc. When he gets back I'm having a little cry (pathetic I know) and say to him 'I don't think it's fair you promised me you would be back an hour ago but you have only just come home. I've been on my own all day with DD and I just wanted some help.'

Anyway, that escalated into an argument where he says how he needs a break too, how he should be able to go for coffee etc etc. He's annoying me by this point so I just say leave me alone. He throws the chocolate cake at me, calls me a stupid bitch and storms off.

Wtf?!?! He's never done anything like this before. We barely argue. I'm confused and upset.

I viously he was being a twat throwing a cake BTW, but if you are both stressed and he's just had a crap time in traffic I imagine that's his way of showing he's not coping either. Im not sure I believe he threw it at your face though because you didn't say that in your op.

@Lunde cake was from same place he got coffee! Yeah that's why I'm confused, because there was traffic but not HOURS of traffic. And not deadlock/standstill traffic either - just slow moving. Probably would have taken an hour max

I agree if I returned home an hour late, having updated on the way and explained about traffic I would be annoyed if my dh made a big fuss about it. I may stomp off rather than be understanding that he had a hard day with the baby. That is hard to say as I'm quite understanding and would probably bite my tongue and be nice. But I certainly wouldn't throw cake at his face and swear at him.

@Lunde sorry half an hour max, not an hour

How did he leave the first time then and then pick up your cake an hour later if it was at the same place he just left? Confused.

I@OhEctoplasmOnIt sorry don't think I explained it very well - at half 4 he was informing me there was bad traffic so he probably wouldn't make it back by 5;15 as he got there late due to traffic.

YANBU

He didn't even leave the place until after the time he said he'd be home.
He threw something at you in anger (what if it's not a cake next time.
He called you a stupid bitch.
He stormed off despite knowing you were tired and upset.

As for the people singing him praises for spending some time with his own kid and "helping", seriously raise your expectations.

#Wewantjustice

I’m sorry where on my post did you read that I was saying what he did wasn’t acceptable? I didn’t

Throwing cake is not acceptable but you were very over dramatic.

I agree, I think some of these comments are bizarre. He threw cake in your face and called you a bitch, that is never ok! Even if you were completely irrational (not saying you are) it is abusive and not your fault.

Hang on, he was due back at 5.15pm but didn't leave the coffee shop he'd been in, for quite some time, until 5.30pm.

He wasn't stuck in traffic. He delayed setting off. Perhaps because he thought he'd be stuck in traffic. Perhaps because he didn't feel like leaving when promised.

I'm not impressed by that. I'm disgusted at his behaviour after arriving home.

If you’re feeling like you’re heading towards PND or just in need of support please tell your GP, health visitor, family and friends. Let those outside your home know you need a hand.

@GreenLantern53 she added it when she was asked specifically where and how he threw the cake. In the first 10 replied. Not exactly an earth shattering drip feed.

I think OP you could do with posting/moving this to relationships rather than AIBU?

There's some wise owls over in relationship.

Jesus.

Here we go, misogyny from GreenLantern who has now decided that the OP has made it up.

Can't trust what a woman says about her own experience, can we?

FFS.

Oh, OP. This doesn't sound nice at all. We hope you manage to sort this out somehow, but you do deserve to be treated more kindly than that.

We're really sorry to butt in but we saw you mention that you'd had PND previously. We don't want to teach our grandmother to suck eggs here but just in case you didn't have any contacts to talk about that, we thought we would post a link to our mental health webguide which includes lots of numbers and websites for PND support.

Hope you're looking after yourself and having a more relaxing evening now anyway.

Yeah this is not OK. He was entitled to be frustrated and annoyed, but his behaviour was not acceptable. Throwing things at people is not OK and it makes me really worried for some of the women on here when there are posts minimising behaviour like this. It makes me wonder if partners behaving like this is far more common than I ever imagined.

I think he chose to leave later and lied about the traffic (which only explained it partially). This is what pissed you off. He then got angry because you saw through his lie so acted indignant and horrible and stripped off.

Honestly, I think you need to sit down and explain that it’s a) not okay to lie. If he wants to stay somewhere longer he needs to say that and deal with what your reaction will be like a grown up b) you’re clearly at the end of your tether and need him to facilitate child free time c) never never resort to swear at you or throwing things at you. Red line. Do not cross this again.

I didnt say making it up. exaggerated.

Stropped not stripped, obviously

@HebeMumsnet thanks so much, I have an appt with GP on Monday so hopefully can get on the right track again.

Really, You were upset, because you were tired, stressed and just feeling upset.

A kind person would have understood you were worn out and feeling a bit desparate. They would have focused on calming things down and making you feel better. Not on making it all about themselves and their immature inability to take a little bit of, actually quite reasonable, criticism.

OP there is absolutely no excuse for this. None, so please don't get sucked into that frame of mind.

You did not deserve to have food thrown in your face.

You did not deserve to be called a stupid bitch.

You need to keep telling yourself that.

Texting, traffic, time etc are all beside the point.