He threw chocolate cake at me?

[Willow789]

DH took DS out earlier, then dropped him at my DM's for a sleepover. He then went to meet his DM for coffee. He said he would be back by 5:15.

I've been on my own all day with DD 4 months. We are going through a bit of a hard time recently, but as a couple we have been fine. I've been feeling very sorry for myself all day and was very excited for DH to come home with the chocolate cake he had promised to pick me up from the coffee shop. At half 4 he messaged me about bad traffic so it will be more like half 5 by the time he gets back. Fine, whatever.

Half past 5 he messages me saying that he's getting my cake now and then leaving but there's bad traffic in the area (there is, local football team is playing today and traffic is always a nightmare).

Quarter past 6 he gets back. By this time I have somehow managed to work myself up about the fact he said he would get back over an hour ago but still isn't home. Hormones, lack of sleep, other stuff going on etc etc. When he gets back I'm having a little cry (pathetic I know) and say to him 'I don't think it's fair you promised me you would be back an hour ago but you have only just come home. I've been on my own all day with DD and I just wanted some help.'

Anyway, that escalated into an argument where he says how he needs a break too, how he should be able to go for coffee etc etc. He's annoying me by this point so I just say leave me alone. He throws the chocolate cake at me, calls me a stupid bitch and storms off.

Wtf?!?! He's never done anything like this before. We barely argue. I'm confused and upset.

Was he talking to his mum about the pregnancy?

You being pregnant makes his behaviour less, not more understandable OP. Now rather than throwing cake in the face of, and verbally abusing his sleep deprived, nursing wife, he's throwing cake in the face of, and verbally abusing his sleep deprived, nursing, pregnant wife. I'd love to hear him try to justify that behaviour.

Your body, your life, your choice.

But it does put a different spin on his behaviour and it comes out worse.

While I'm not justifying or excusing what he did, it does make it more understandable that he snapped yesterday. You must both be stressed to the nth degree. I would be.

You have a of talking to do, OP. The really unforgivable thing for me is that he hasn't apologised. He absolutely owes you that.

@GreatDuckCookery no definitely not. Have agreed not to tell anybody because we know our mothers would want us to keep it

@DancingForTheDog so depressing when you put it that way isn't it :(

It's bad enough he behaved in that manner.

But knowing you're pregnant, he's suggested termination, and that he still hasn't even offered up a grovelling apology let alone ANY apology for his behaviour is pretty shocking.

You are his wife, the woman he vowed to love and honour. You are the mother of his children, and pregnant with another. Making those children took both of you, but he seems to be happy to let you do all the drudge work.

He needs to act like a grown up.

And it shouldn't have to be done this way, but ask him how he'd feel if someday his tearful, exhausted daughter appeared at your door with a baby in arms and said her husband had thrown things at her and called her vile names and she didn't know where to go or what to do.

Arse.

Oh OP. I agree completely with @dancingdog - you being pregnant makes it even more horrific that he would act that way. I'm so sorry.

Oh OP this will be putting your tiredness into another league. No wonder you were counting on your DH coming home on time.

I agree it makes things even less ok. You've got as much and arguably more reason to be stressed, wrung out and sleep-deprived yet you manage to act like a human being.

He doesn't get a free pass for assaulting his pregnant wife because she's pregnant.

OP I wanna give you a big hug. I'm welling up here x

He doesn't get a free pass for assaulting his pregnant wife because she's pregnant

Obviously. But it does give the OP the answer to why he's been suddenly off this week doesn't it?

Off? If I'm "off" I'm grumpy and a bit quiet, I don't throw things at my DH and call him names. at least not out loud

Pregnant and holding her child in her arms when he threw the cake at her... that really says everything. Whilst I might continue with the pregnancy I'm not sure I'd do it with him (iyswim).

I wonder what 'D'H was talking to his mum about for all that extra time.........

@green wow, you really are a cunt.

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit off.

DS keeps asking why daddy isn't at Nana's for a sleepover too  he's missing him. I will have to sort something out for DH to see him tomorrow evening. I feel awful.

This isn't your fault, op. I'm sure your parents can help ds see him without you needing to be there x

@GreenLantern53 do you get pleasure from berating people on the internet or are you just generally a horrible person? Hardly surprising that you're on your own.

Oh shut up ffs GreenLantern you're obviously being goady for the sake of it. Nobody is taking your posts seriously so pipe down.

I've reported @greenlantern53 OP so hopefully they'll be blocked soon. Probably a PBP. Don't engage, it is clearly getting a thrill out of this.

Well, if you were mean, you could say ‘Daddy is not at Nana’s because he has been working and he needs a rest’ - but you are not mean, and your DS is not the appropriate target for sarcasm.

But ‘Mummy is tired and Gran and Grandad are helping’ works just fine as an answer. You don’t need to answer for dad. Just concentrate on what you need to feel on an even keel right now. Honestly, it is not the time to make big life decisions and you need rest. If your DH is concerned about seeing DC, he will contact you to come over. That is his responsibility as their father.

I do think the fact that his mum asked you to come out, while possibly well intentioned, demonstrates that she does not have a clue how exhausted you are and that you need rest.

I also think you are correct to keep both children with you, that is their routine and they are used to you being the primary carer.