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Original poster

DP not happy with pregnancy

190 replies

BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 15:30

I'm 25 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was a shock but we were both happy I thought. Last night I asked DP had he thought about names and he said he hasn't got any ideas. I jokingly told him to sound more enthusiastic and he replied with 'well the baby was hardly planned so I've never thought about names'. I asked him if he was happy with the pregnancy and he said 'well I wasn't at first but I acted happy for you'. I'm actually gutted he's not happy about this. I know it was a shock but I'm now 25 weeks gone and obviously pregnant so i thought his feelings would be more positive by now.

OP posts:
ciderhouserules · 27/10/2018 16:12

You were in a relationship for 2 years and not even living together, even after 2 years? Sorry, it might be just my opinion, but that is not a relationship. Salem this is rubbish. I've been with dP coming up 10 years, we don't live together and it suits us just fine. I send him home at the end of the day and we are jsut fine thanks.

OP - you are not a 'slag' or a bike ffs. You are as entitled to have sex as often as you like.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 27/10/2018 16:22

I've never lived with a man due to thinking my son is too young. That's besides the point anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 27/10/2018 16:23

My ex and I didn't have a vanilla sex life and he's used that against me more than once. knobhead

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 27/10/2018 16:48

Forgive me if I've got this wrong but are you the poster whose boyfriend knows your friend isn't the real dad (but son doesn't know)? In which case watch out for him now you've now broke up telling son before you can!!

Apologies if that isn't you but I remember another poster with same age son with fake dad living abroad so sounded familiar.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 27/10/2018 18:51

Yes that's me. He has no contact with ds apart from through me. I'm not thinking about that right now. I need to get through the next few weeks and sort my finances out and work situation

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 27/10/2018 18:57

Ah okay. Fair enough, just thought to bare in mind as it's bound to come up sooner or later.

Does sound like you need to prepare to do things along. Not sure what sort of person think moving in with someone indicates a relationship that is "just a bit of fun". Or why he didn't think he might get pregnant if you were having sex without contraception. Or why he thought that now was the right time to raise this.

Good luck OP. I don't think you'll struggle with the children, you sound to have a good a grip of things as could be expected and I'm glad you're still looking forward to it. It isn't as straight forward as you'd hoped for but you'll figure it all out.

ohfourfoxache · 27/10/2018 20:34

Fucking hell he’s a complete cunt Shock

I’m glad you found out now and not once he’s moved in Thanks

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 27/10/2018 20:38

I am still looking forward to meeting my boy. He's very wriggly today lol. My friend has gone to get us a takeaway and I'm watching casualty. I'm still a bit tearful and he's been texting me but I've ignored them.

OP posts:
FurryAndObnoxious · 27/10/2018 23:01

How stressful for you. On the plus side it looks like you have support. Your friend sounds like he defo holds a torch for you. Would you pursue it?

SalemBlackCat4 · 28/10/2018 05:53

@ciderhouserules Then he is your boyfriend, not your DP. Sorry, but no one is in a relationship for an entire decade and lives apart for the entire decade. That is just ridiculous!

mama1dc · 28/10/2018 06:20

My DH was in shock when I got pregnant as in a previous relationship he was told his swimmers weren't great... he was there for the pregnancy labour and delivery but you could really see the love in his eyes when DD was around 6 months and she started interacting with him, he was 35 at the time so not young.

NotTheFordType · 28/10/2018 08:45

OP I've never been in your position but I just wanted to say, you're not a town bike (horrible phrase that wants consigning to the dustbin of history), this isn't karma, you may have made mistakes as a young person but who hasn't?

This is your life, it may be a bit shit in many ways but it's neither a punishment nor a reward. Your teenager and your soon-to-be newborn are both rewards (but sometimes also punishments!)

Flowers
swingofthings · 28/10/2018 09:15

You've posted before about your son thinking that friend was his dad didn't you.

Frankly I sympathise with the guy. You were together 2 years and made no plan to move in together. Didnt that ring alarm bells with you that maybe he wasn't that into you for long term commitment. Then you have one condom accident and sure enough your pregnant. When you had intercourse without protection, didn't you discuss what to do, talk about getting the morning after pill?

Despite his feelings, he's decided to give it a go, but you expect full commitment from him. He is probably all over the place, wondering if it wasn't your intention to get pregnant to trap him. The guy is scared, that's fair enough.

Give him time to get used to the idea that he is going to be a dad and giving the relationship a go. Remember, you are happy with the way things have evolved, it wasn't what he wanted so you are different stages of acceptance.

dirtybadger · 28/10/2018 09:27

To be fair to OP it sounds like he said he was happy with things previously. At the stage where she had a decision in whether to continue with the pregnancy. Although I believe the post which worried him was 12 weeks in so maybe that's had an effect. But they still had more than 10 weeks after that to make a decision about continuing pregnancy. In wider context I can understand his reluctant to move things on. But she's 25 weeks now, He can't (or shouldnt) just run away.

Saying someone was just a bit of fun after 2 years and planning to move in is out of order, no matter what the reasons for his apprehension now. There are much better ways he could express that he isn't sure their relationship with manage with a baby (as many don't and maybe it was likely not to). He is being unnecessarily cruel about it.

MulticolourMophead · 28/10/2018 09:41

You were together 2 years and made no plan to move in together.

But he was due to move in when his tenancy was up, or doesn't that count.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 28/10/2018 10:24

I didn't trap him swings and he knows I didn't. It was a contraception slip up. I told him when I was 7 weeks He appeared happy and has attended all scans an appointments. I've already explained I've always been wary about moving a man in due to my son.

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Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 28/10/2018 10:31

Furry at the moment me and my friend are just that. Maybe one day it will go further but it's not on the cards at the moment. He's offered to come home around my due date so he can be here

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ciderhouserules · 28/10/2018 10:43

Salem Then he is your boyfriend, not your DP. - Whatever. Hmm We've been together, monogamous, happy and faithful for 10 years, and I don't feel like calling a 54yo man my 'boyfriend'. He is my Partner, in all things.

The fact that I have my own children still at home, that he has and likes his own house and space (as do I) does not mean we are not in a proper, serious relationship, whatever you may think. I might marry him at some point, but as I said I have my own house, life, money, career, family, so it's not necessary.

OP - sorry for the derail. He is a twunt and even if he does 'come round' and suddenly want to be 'serious', I'd be thinking long and hard about it.

SandyY2K · 28/10/2018 11:53

'He appeared happy'

He may have been in shock and not known how to react. He may be thinking once again he doesn't even know you.... based on what he said when you revealed the info about your son's paternity.

Now a baby ties him to you forever and had he known the paternity thing, he may have been more careful with the condom.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 28/10/2018 12:02

Well Sandy were both adults and I have a right to keep the baby. If he wasn't interested he could have told me at week 7 not week 25 so I could make plans to support the baby alone

OP posts:
JessieLemon · 28/10/2018 12:05

I've known him since we were kids. My Ds thinks he's his dad

Why does your son think that?

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 28/10/2018 12:06

Jessie when my DS was 5 he asked who his dad was. My friend was here and told him he was his dad.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 28/10/2018 12:12

But why?

Gottensomedraws · 28/10/2018 12:14

Salem. Mumsnet is full of threads where OP wants to move in boyfriend after a few months to be a ‘Family’ and posters warning against this and emphasise to OP the need to put DC first. Rightly so. OP doesn’t need anyone telling her ( or anyone else), she wasn’t in a ‘real relationship’ at this stage, she felt she was, and she has been let down, and now she is putting herself and DC first. None of us can judge - all relationships are different. Sorry for the derail OP, you stay strong for you, DS and baby.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 28/10/2018 12:17

Because loveyoutothemoon my friend knows the circumstances of my DS conceptkon

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