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Original poster

DP not happy with pregnancy

190 replies

BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 15:30

I'm 25 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was a shock but we were both happy I thought. Last night I asked DP had he thought about names and he said he hasn't got any ideas. I jokingly told him to sound more enthusiastic and he replied with 'well the baby was hardly planned so I've never thought about names'. I asked him if he was happy with the pregnancy and he said 'well I wasn't at first but I acted happy for you'. I'm actually gutted he's not happy about this. I know it was a shock but I'm now 25 weeks gone and obviously pregnant so i thought his feelings would be more positive by now.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/10/2018 19:39

2 years in and he thought you two were a bit of fun? Is he thick or something? I supposed it's at least clear now that he just was hoping to coast through life with convenient easily available sex partner.

Stormwhale · 23/10/2018 19:44

2 years in and he 'likes' you?? Wow that must have hurt op. I am sorry your baby's father is such a waste of space. You are far better off without him.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/10/2018 19:53

I’m sorry, he’s a monumental twat 🌷

Firstly, you do NOT deserve this. Nothing you have done in the past means you deserve to be treat like this. Nothing. Please stop thinking like that.

Would you have kept the baby even if he’d hed said in the beginning he wasn’t happy about it?

How do YOU feel about the baby?

I think you’d be foolish to stay in a relationship with him. As much as you probably don’t want to do it on your own again, it will be far worse doing it with someone you know doesn’t have your back and you feel could/would walk out anytime the going gets tough. You’ll be walking on egg shells...just dont x

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 23/10/2018 20:01

We were using condoms but got carried away one night leading to the pregnancy. I'm happy with the pregnancy and am still excited to have my little boy despite his father. I actually don't have the energy to reply to him. I need to start saving money and thinking about getting an agreement on my hours from work post mat leave

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 23/10/2018 22:14

So actually there was no contraception used and you got pregnant. Hardly a unexpected occurrence. He has a cheek to send a message saying it was unexpected when he didnt use a condom. What a disgrace.

Don't reply to him. Leave him to his thoughts and he might realise what a monumental dick he is being.

gindrinkingmarypoppins · 23/10/2018 22:20

Oh Lordy, I really feel for you OP. You can do this. It will be much harder with a third man child to have to care for also. People can be such selfish twats sometimes

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 24/10/2018 09:48

Another text this morning asking if I'm ok and if I want to talk. I've replied saying I'll contact him when I'm ready.

OP posts:
Dontgiveamonkeys1350 · 24/10/2018 10:10

If he is like this now. He is going to be awful and no help when the baby comes. You will effectively be looking after three children. I would run a mile. U will do fine and much better on ur own

StylishMummy · 24/10/2018 10:42

@BigfluffybearBum you sound like you've got your head well screwed on- make sure you go to CSA as soon as baby is born, he doesn't get to shirk his responsibilities because he didn't think you'd get pregnant after unprotected sex!

MulticolourMophead · 24/10/2018 11:03

So, he was going to move into OP's place? How convenient it would have been for him. I wouldn't even bother putting his name on the BC, let your little one have the same name as you and his older sibling. At least, if his name isn't on the BC, he won't have PR to mess things up. He'd have to go to court to get that. Would be a measure of how willing he is to step up.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 24/10/2018 14:43

He's texted again asking to come round tonight

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 24/10/2018 14:52

Tell him to piss off, would be my advice.

Chrystal1982 · 24/10/2018 15:00

So he’s ignored you telling him you’ll contact him when you’re ready?
Definitely tell him to piss off!

ShutUpBaz · 24/10/2018 15:17

You sound like you have your shit together. Regardless of circumstances your DC will be lucky with a determined mum like you.

Fuck him, he's a waster. Just make sure you get his money.

Alaria4 · 24/10/2018 15:27

Hey OP.

What a truly shitty person. Echoing what a PP said - everytime you have sex, you should be more than informed this could equate to pregnancy. Even when preventive measures are in place.

I'm not sure what kind of planet he is on, I wouldn't say a 2 year relationship was a bit of fun.

Stop being so hard on yourself. You are not to blame for other people's choices.

I can't imagine how hard things are for you right now but you are strong. You have proven that to yourself once before and if you have to go it alone then you can do it again - this time with the help of your teenage son Smile
I'm sure there will be plenty of moments he will enjoy helping you with and what a great role model you have/will set for your son.

Not sure what else to say, other than stay strong and always be kind to yourself Flowers

EX is an asshole

(but hopefully in terms of a parent, he can get his head out of his ass and be a great parent.)

OutPinked · 24/10/2018 16:15

You have been together almost two years and you’re 6 months pregnant. You’re hardly a new fling who has just found out you’re pregnant. I can’t believe he described you as a ‘bit of fun’ that he ‘really likes’ Hmm. What an arsehole. Sounds like he thought he could cope with it but has been thinking too much and realised he doesn’t want to commit to you. Bit late for that, obviously.

Don’t give him the time of day now, as difficult as that will be. You need to focus on your child, baby and yourself.

Original poster
BigfluffybearBum · 24/10/2018 18:41

It seems I'm always just a bit of fun which is great obviously. I haven't responded i can't be arsed at this stage

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 24/10/2018 19:06

OP, it looks like the house is yours, you have a reasonable income, got your life together. What did he bring to the table? What agreements did you have in place for him moving in?

Maybe he's realised he's risking his comfortable life he'd planned. OP, I'd at least be wary of what he wants to talk about. Make sure that if he does commit, he's paying a fair share.

ClownsAndJokers · 24/10/2018 19:28

If it was me no way would he be coming round. He has shown himself to be unreliable and hasn’t been forthcoming with his true feelings until way into your pregnancy. Now he is panicking by the sounds of it and has left you to deal with it all. No thanks. I am a single parent to 3 children who all have different dads, the youngest’s dad also did an about turn but instead of communicating just made life at home unbearable until I’d finally had enough.

I will say that being a single parent is miles, miles better than being in a shitty unsupportive relationship.

Don’t let him move in or even come round. He had his chance and he blew it. Also I’d give the baby your surname when the time comes. Just easier.

summacummamumma · 24/10/2018 19:46

He was planning to move in and now has the nerve to tell you that your relationship was just a bit of fun? The problem here is not you OP, it is him being a responsibility dodging twat. You sound strong and independent. You will be an amazing mother again and your DC and little bump are very lucky.

Chocolala · 24/10/2018 19:56

If you were just ‘a bit of fun’ he shouldn’t be moving in for sure.

It’s not karma or anything else like that. He’s just a twat, and you have had the misfortune to find a number of them. Sadly there are quite a lot around.

Given he clearly thinks little of you, I’d give him a wide berth and go it alone. I’d also not put his name on the BC, and I’d make sure the baby has your surname.

TheWiseWomansFear · 24/10/2018 21:04

I think it must've been a massive shock and that probably a lot of men who aren't married and weren't expecting it won't be happy until they meet baby.
I imagine that when a woman is pregnant it's a lot more 'real' from early on in the pregnancy as you go through lots of changes but it's less real to men... maybe

I just wouldn't give up because he wasn't ecstatic at first and is being slow at getting used to it

TheWiseWomansFear · 24/10/2018 21:06

Seen the update, he's been a bit of a twat but may have panicked. If at least hear what he has to say

Unicornandbows · 24/10/2018 21:24

Think he is panicking op, which I know isn't great to hear but it's better he is honest now and you both have a chance to work on it together then him just vanishing which I don't think he will do.

I know it's hard op but I'd say hear him out.

MrsPerfect12 · 24/10/2018 21:52

Hope you’re okay! I’d be extremely hurt with the bit of fun comment 2 years in :(
Big ((((hugs))))