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Original poster

Cliche - attractive au pair...

233 replies

ImpyInk · 15/10/2018 12:29

Right, new name and I'm also posting this on behalf of a friend (who's here with me), who wants the MN view on this but is worried about outing and doesn't want to become a MN member herself.

My friend, who I'll call Anne, and her DH, who I'll call Mark, have been married 18 years, have 3 kids and are basically soulmates. However, pressures of work and kids and exhaustion meant that their sex life had dwindled a lot in the last 4-5 years. Maximum of once a month in the last 2 years... until, in the summer, they got an au pair. Au pair is absolutely fantastic and Anne loves her. She's also very attractive and is in her late 20s, and Mark (early 40s) clearly finds her so. Suddenly, Mark's sex drive is through the roof. Anne and Mark having sex several times a week and Mark clearly also having "me time" fantasising about the au pair as well. Anne is pleased about sex life, but worried that she should be worried. There is no real threat - the au pair has a girlfriend, Mark is always completely appropriate with her in person, etc etc. Au pair is happy and unaware that Mark fancies the pants off her.

Perspectives? Should Anne worry or not?
TIA

OP posts:
User1011 · 17/10/2018 04:52

Men are incapable of doing more than one thing at once so he can’t be thinking of her during sex...

TooTrueToBeGood · 17/10/2018 06:40

Anne is considering carefully the advice to sack Jo.

Well shame on her. It matters not that Jo is an au pair, it boils down to a woman being sacked for no other reason whatsoever than being found attractive by a member of her management team. How fucked up is that?

Bluntness100 · 17/10/2018 10:36

Op, how can you possibly say Mark is not a letch and then in the next breath say he's told his wife he imagines she's the au pair when they have sex and fantasies about her at other times. I mean seriously. WTAF?

And honestly it's not jo she should sack. It's mark.

MiggledyHiggins · 17/10/2018 12:43

If there's nothing wrong with it, "Mark" and you aren't doing anything wrong in just fantasising, then surely there's no issue that "Jo" shouldn't be told. Right?

The woman should be able to make up her own mind as to whether or not she wants to stay in the job.

femidom12 · 17/10/2018 12:45

#SackMark

theconstantinoplegardener · 17/10/2018 12:59

All sounds like the script for a really crap soft porn film to me...

Cazwontbudge · 17/10/2018 13:13

OP, if "your friends" are so open and honest,why aren't they being open and honest with the au pair?After all,she's clearly a part of this nasty set up.She obviously knows she's being perved on!I'd love to be a fly on the wall if she was ever included in their oh so honest conversations.Its gotta be a joke,Anne just couldnt be that forgiving in real life surely?

acivilcontract · 17/10/2018 13:27

tootrue Anne won't need to sack Jo, just explain to her that Mark is wanking himself stupid over her and having her around is putting him in the mood for sex all the time. I imagine she will pack her own bags pretty quickly on hearing that.
Of course it isn't fair that Jo loses her job or the DC lose their carer but the current situation can't go on.

HiHoToffee · 17/10/2018 13:38

Agree with pp re telling Jo, especially as Mark is such a decent and honest man....

I think the Tuscany villa scenario is the more likely option.

desperatesux · 17/10/2018 14:18

I would die if my husband admitted to wanking to another person, let alone someone we knew and lived with us. Her self esteem must be on the floor to put up with this as I would be GONE if i understood the only reason he was having sex with me was because he was thinking of someone else
If she does want to make it "work" really the aupair has to go. Its not fair but its hardly a lifetime job and the nature of them is that they are casual so she will get another easily enough

Bluntness100 · 17/10/2018 14:59

It's like the poor au pair is the fluffer in their relationship. I really don't know how Anne can stomach having sex with him knowing it. I guess she's desperate for him to be with her.

I simply couldn't have sex with a man who only wanted sex with me because another woman turned him on and he's fantising about her, never mind one who shares our home.

SomeKnobend · 17/10/2018 15:07

Anne is acting as a wank sock for Mark while he imagines shagging the au pair. Grim.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 17/10/2018 18:10

Anne and Mark should both get a fucking grip the pair of saddos

RedLife · 17/10/2018 18:49

What will Anne tell Jo though? You're to pretty you're sacked!?

RedLife · 17/10/2018 18:49

too

Original poster
ImpyInk · 17/10/2018 21:16

Thanks again, all.

Basically, according to you lot, she's damned if she sacks Jo (it's not Jo's fault) - which she didn't want to do before reading this thread - and she's damned if she doesn't (because Jo shouldn't be in this "grim" atmosphere). I'm not actually sure whether Anne is reading this any more or not (and no, I am neither Anne nor Mark, nor the director of a soft porn film, but hypothesise away...). I suspect she will be. But I don't know what the consensus is here. Maybe there isn't one.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImpyInk · 17/10/2018 21:17

And the other idea - LTB - seems very drastic, especially where there are kids involved.

OP posts:
fifithefoof · 17/10/2018 21:29

Drastic?! Dh would be out on his sleezy ass if he was a nasty and disrespectful as this twerp has been.

TheMonkeyMummy · 17/10/2018 21:31

Come on, OP. You are Anne, seen you?

Fwiw, I wouldn't sack Jo. As long as it stays a crush and Mark stays very present in the marriage then I wouldn't be threatened by a crush. (I would tease him about it from time to time though, I can always spot when DH has a crush, it's quite cute!). If his behaviour changed and he became inappropriate in any way, I would be all over the situation though.

LeftRightCentre · 17/10/2018 21:37

The reviews will be 1 star out of 5 at the most.

LeftRightCentre · 17/10/2018 21:38

For starters, Mark is a fucking creep.

noego · 17/10/2018 21:53

What advice have you given Anne then Impyink?

ShamelesslyPlacemarking · 17/10/2018 22:37

And Jo does know. Women always do.

Exactly.

Sadly Jo is probably just putting up with it and trying to ignore it because if she's an attractive young woman, it's unlikely this is the first time she's encountered an older male trying to hide the fact that he's mentally humping her while they're having a conversation.

Original poster
ImpyInk · 17/10/2018 23:01

noego, mostly I've just listened, because I think this is complicated and don't know. I can't see Mark as just "a lech", because I know and like him (and love the kids), so perhaps my perspective is not the best for Anne.

OP posts:
RLOU30 · 17/10/2018 23:35

As a friend of “Anne’s” I find you extremely protective over “Mark”. If a friend of mine told me this was what she was going home to I wouldn’t be as nice as you have been. It’s obvious that you are Anne and that you are in denial. Your husband is creep.