LMD - moving on from abusive parents pt2

[Littlemissdemeanour]

As the old thread is filling up,

Link to old thread: Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3366847-Abusive-parents-I-phoned-the-police-Now-what

This has been such a long road- 5 weeks today

... which is 5 weeks closer to your goal of recovery

And not a recovery which will be knocked off balance by yet more cruelty, but a real one which will last as you build a much better life

You're doing so well.

It will get easier, but IMHO this is the hardest bit sticking to your guns and having the self-confidence to believe that it really happened and that you aren't overreacting or being unreasonable. (You so, so aren't your mother sounds as mad as a box of frogs! And your father no better really under the surface.)

Can you imagine a time from now, in two or three years, when you have built a happy and emotionally secure life for yourself, with meaningful relationships with people who genuinely love, respect and support you?

Typically now feeling truly rubbish. Think it's manifesting physically now.

Another dull day here. What's everyone else up to?

Did you manage to get some food in OP?
Hope there's some nice indulgent stuff.

I'm watching making a murderer season 2 ATM. Interesting stuff.

Spent the morning stripping the bathroom wallpaper. Afternoon watching a film +popcorn with dc. Lots of little chores been done. Waiting for take away arriving at 9. Another film then bed!!
Stupidly excited for a concert tomorrow night!

You need some soup, Love. What’s your favourite comforting, nutritious food? I make pumpkin & lentil korma soup with a crap tonne of honey and ginger in it whenever I feel like I’m in either coming down with something or feeling down on myself. I do a lot of self-talk about how being rejected by those arseholes is not reflection of my character at all. In fact all they saw of me was a reflection of their imagination anyway.... what they needed me to be to fuel their own megalomaniacal identities. Your whipping boy persona is actually a keystone. The fabric of their carefully constructed universe is kind of unravelling without you to take the blame for their shortcomings. They might even start having brief flashes of painful feelings (I said brief) that you can’t be blamed for because you are neither there or involved..... Hmmmmmmm...... Interesting how contact attempts have increased, isn’t it?

Pumpkin, @justilou1 ? Heresy!

Butternut squash all the way! The most home comfort soup ever

I’m an Aussie, @NottheFord... we call all of it Pumpkin. (Especially Butternut, and I agree - it’s sublime.)

Today where I live it is hot and it is rainy. We have just moved to a town which holds a lot of icky memories for me. (The one I grew up in, of course.) I am hearing lots of people saying “Oh, you must be so excited to have moved back home!” And I haven’t kicked any of them. Aren’t you proud? I am trying to jolly the kids along through the first few weeks of school. It is their first time wearing school uniforms. They hate them and I am trying not to laugh. My giant, fluffy dog is lying on the verandah in a puddle and I am threatening to break out the hairdryer. I am beginning to think that everything I said about living a fulfilled life may have been a bit of an exaggeration! 🤣

how are you LMD?

Littlemiss, Please continue the NC, for ever. they will never become the loving parents you wish for, they have abused you for so long it's all you have eve known. They are abusive, & always have been
Having a lot of time on your hands is allowing you to dwell on this all day, could you look into doing some sport, (swim?) or volunteering.
Volunteering at Xmas might be a good solution too
They will crank up the pressure due to the Xmas situation & not want to lose face....How can you possibly spend Xmas with them knowing you might be lynched at anytime ?
Try & keep busy & remember you deserve better than their atrocious abuse & manipulation

Evening all

@justilou1 I managed some broccoli soup in the end. Not the best, but nutritious. Followed by a large strawberry tart, my treat from the bakers

Today has been MEH. Weather sucks, but watched a new programme whole series on Netflix.

Hi Little Miss, I lurked through your first thread but wanted to say that you are doing brilliantly.

I am NC with several members of my family. Deciding to go NC was the hardest bit, with all the conflicting emotions. Doing it was really scary, and the flying monkeys came out and made me question myself.

Suddenly, they stopped. And life has been so much more peaceful and happier since. I don't miss them. And I don't miss feeling sick with anxiety at their abuse.

You will get through this. I know this because you come across as a million times stronger and more together than me. And I got through it.

Christmas is different, but better. No drama. And the start of my own little traditions involving friends on Xmas Eve.

Ultimately, I decided that Xmas Day is one day, and the anxiety all the other days of the year wasn't worth it.

Sorry, bit of a me-rail, but meant with best wishes and support.

PS I used to work in mental health. A colleague once told me that more narcissists draw their pension from MH jobs than we would ever nurse. She was right. Its an area that attracts either people with lots of empathy, or people seeking power and control over others. It doesn't surprise me that your mum works on that area. She sounds chilling.

A colleague once told me that more narcissists draw their pension from MH jobs than we would ever nurse

Yes.

it's truly terrifying.

Just caught up on the new thread and wanted to say keep up the good work. It sure sounds tough but you are doing amazingly!

Hope you found something good on netflix.
Keep a step back. No need to respond. Don't engage with the monkeys.
Each day you will find a new way to get through until this is the new normal.

There's a lot of us thinking of you, Littlemissdemeanour. The strawberry tart was a good idea. And the Netflix. You'll get there, day by day.

I want a strawberry tart from the bakers.

Is it wrong for a man to say he loves eating tasty tarts? (Channeling the Carry On films there...)

I can recommend Daredevil on Netflix. Season3 is pretty darned good.

I've been lurking for a while reading this thread and your first one, OP, and even though I can't imagine how hard it must be cutting yourself off I think you've absolutely done the right thing. Your DF's texts made me gasp in horror - I cannot believe he could send something like that to his own flesh and blood. Stay strong, keep going with the counselling and eventually the storm will pass.

I am proud of you for choosing something nutritious and even prouder for choosing something absolutely delectable. Well done!!! The weather being poo may suit your mood for now, but I hope it doesn’t last. What do you enjoy doing when you are not being harrangued by lunatic relatives? (Personally, I enjoy drinking wine, daydreaming and I have just started writing a novel. Don’t tell anyone. It’s absolute drivel, but it’s more fun than laundry.)

It's a can't sleep check in here!

Hello all. Quiet on the western front today (if you minus the wind outside).

Thoroughly recommend the strawberry tart @KlutzyDraconequus

Managed supper again today and some plans tomorrow for tea and cake. Getting seriously P'd off with work silence now. Decided will have to email Wednesday if nothing from them. Any employment experts amongst us by any chance?



Waves @justilou1 where it is not almost 1am where she is!

Littlemiss try posting on the employment board re your work stuff. They have some good people on there

Hi Littlemissdemeanour I am dealing with abusive parents and resultant CPTSD from it too. I am seeing my own therapist on Thursday and yes, seems so far away, yet at same time, am dreading it.

from me

Thabks Littkemiss I had a whole strawberry cheesecake instead..

"Serves 5" it said.. yeah right.. challenge accepted..