Handhold- telling H I want a divorce

[awesmum]

Handhold please
About to tell my H I want a divorce, he's mean, controlling, gaslighting, cruel to the kids, tiring, exhausting and doesn't stop talking at me. All wrapped up in 'I want what's right for everyone; everything I do is for everyone else; your selfish; not a team player; a thief; a liar; I always put everyone else first. You breathe too loudly; you walk too heavily; when you stand like that you look fat; don't say that; no you can't; you're disrespectful; I am the man of the house; these are my beliefs and my morals.'

I could and probably will go on ...

I am not sure how the can qualify it as emergency but can't do anything for AT LEAST 2 weeks court wise.

I have refused his offer, I countered with what is in place as per Cafcass or every other weekend Friday to Monday with hand over at children's centre no mid week. I really don't want to see that piece of shit.

He is refusing to let her go to nursery (ask nursery to let you know if he takes her as them you can go and get her), and he is refusing to let you see her as per Cafcass recommendation, you fear that he will not return her to you.

Those are your grounds for emergency court ordered residency pending CO.

Nursery have said they will call him if he doesn't turn up anyway, and call me if he does, but if I go get her I am no better than him am I. Preventing her from nursery. She cried for 10 minutes 'I want to go to nursery!' When it was shut on Friday, she loves it.

So he wants you to have her 1-2 days a week?? He is kinda creepily obsessed with her.

@Mrsmummy90 pretty much that's what he wants, he did actually attempt to buy her off me a while ago didn't he, he said he thought I only wanted her so I could make a living out of her and we could come to an arrangement. Yes he is creepy about her, he was with me too didn't want me anywhere except with him, he even said he didn't want me talking too or spending time with my own children.

I would wish he found himself a girlfriend to replace the obsession- I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy- well that's him so actually I would!

Kids are home so bright eyed and bushy tailed. DD18 came home in tears because she can't concentrate because she's worried when she's going to see her little sister. DD11 I am just keeping very busily distracted. She knows the basics, but I can't hurt her with this.

The rejection to the offer has been sent, so guess what .... I wait.

@awesmum, what you are going through is truly horrendous. He is completely deranged. You are amazing for dealing with things so well. I hope your little girl is back with you soon, I can't imagine how tough it is for you

OP, I have been through a similarly shit divorce as you, as @AcrossthePond55 knows very well. You really need to get a residence order for your DD. This will mean that your ex cannot continue with fuckery like this. I have spent the past hour reading your thread with ever increasing horror. This man should be a million miles away from your DD. His behaviour is horrifying and weird beyond belief. Forgive me for being blunt but there's no chance of sexual abuse here is there? Your comment about him treating her "like a girlfriend" rang massive alarm bells.

He didn't want you near your own children??? He is the devil!!

You and your family are in my thoughts xxx

No I am not worried about sexual abuse, he's creepy obsessive about time he spends with people and over people. It's like he likes to show her off but not like you normally do with kids, he parades her around and won't put her down, he takes her out to dinner at 7/8pm with his mates. It's more like 'she's my toy and I am not sharing her - look how lovely she is - but she's mine!'

However - if you asked 8 months ago would he essentially kidnap my daughter I would have laughed and said you were mad.
But no I don't think he would do that.

@awesmum You know him best. I am so sorry that you're going through this. One day he'll find a new "supply" and hopefully that will take his attention from you. However, these men don't change, I am in my sixth year of dealing with fuckery from my ex-h and OW. They seem to thrive on control and of course everything always is, and continues to be, my fault. These damaged narc individuals cannot ever see the error of their ways. You've done a much better job than I ever did at dealing with it!

When is DD due to start school?

Oh God, how awful. I'm so sorry

Please keep Womens Aid updated with this.

DD is due into full time September 2020, so will be applying the end of this year - that's going to be hell with him I know! Fortunately my local school is rated outstanding in Ofstead - he's going to be hard pressed to find an argument against her going there!

@awesmum your threat will fill up on page 40. Consider a follow on thread to add to your ongoing support. He's a real shit too! I thought my ex was a nightmare but he's in a different level! Bizarre even.

Hoping this works

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3531414-handhold-told-h-i-want-a-divorce-the-fallout-and-rise-again-hopefully?msgid=85537146#85537146