Husband slapped our son and he has a little bruise

[Abbie268]

Not sure what to do really I don't think my son has noticed the bruise as it's on the back of his leg but I still don't know what to do I have always said no violence

Has your husband noticed the bruise? Is he aware?

I feel sick reading all the replies defending physically harming your child. I don't understand how you could be an 'otherwise loving parent' yet be able to inflict pain and fear on to your child. I could never ever hit my DD. The thought of her being in pain or scared breaks my heart. I can't fathom being the cause of it. My dad hit me a few times. I don't speak to him now. And I was right, he doesn't love me and I don't love him.

Whew I am shocked and sickened by the attitude towards abuse on this thread. When people tell me they think it does no harm to hit a child I ask them does it do no harm to hit a wife?

A hundred years ago it was ok to hit your wife - do some of you still think that was ok? The rule of thumb quote came about because it was ok to hit a wife with a stick as thick as your thumb - look it up.

Perhaps all you women who were hit as children or who hit your children and believe it did you or them no harm would support the reintroduction of the wife beating rule? If you think this is insane, that is how the rest of us see your attitude to hitting a child.

I don’t speak to either my mother or my stepfather due to violence.

I’m absolutely appalled at people advocating child violence on here. You realise social services and the police get called about this shit?

And as for suggesting it would be the bloody child’s fault if the parents split up because of it, what planet are you on? ITS THE DADS FAULT. Jesus.

I wonder how the child will feel if his parents break up over this.

Holy fuck.

Bloody hell. I've never hit my kids and never intend to. But I was smacked as a child, rarely, but it has no bearing whatsoever on my feelings for my parents as an adult. They were loving parents, and believe it or not even if you don't believe in smacking, loving parents do smack their kids. Sometimes I actually think alternative ways of dealing with misbehaviour are hardly less harmful. Naughty step for instance is arguably more of a cold-blooded temporary withdrawal of love than a slap in the heat of the moment (not leaving a bruise, obviously). Calls to ltb are just hysterical, and as for calling social services, good god, do you have any idea the kind of damage a full investigation is likely to cause to family relations?! Very very foolish advice.

I’d leave him. I couldn’t live with a man who hit my child. Absolutely unforgivable.

It is sickening me too that there are folk out there calling themselves parents and excusing marking a child's skin because they were annoying them, I wouldn't care how my child behaved I'd never raise a hand to them; it's child abuse, plain and simple.

I was hit a few times as a kid, it never ever leaves you, you remember it and this poor lad will most certainly remember his dad doing this to him, he will also be well aware of the bruise OP, don't kid yourself he doesn't realise it's not there. Tbh, if I knew you I'd be reporting him to SS.

Very very foolish advice.

In your opinion. It's common assault actually and is a criminal offence, what's hysterical about the law? Thank god there are folk here that actually want to protect children's welfare; advocating bruising a child, just unbelievable.

I loved my parents too but I still remember being hit, it did nothing but cause a negative and uncomfortable feeling, there is nothing positive out of violence.

Husband slapped our son and he has a little bruise

and most of you are suggesting she has to leave her husband over this -huh???

Her son was behaving like an absolute little shit despite being told repeatedly to stop. His behaviour suggests he wouldn't start behaving after a gentle 'please behave little Johnny admonishment. I don't personally believe in hitting children but I also believe that they can drive you to it sometimes - and they know perfectly well what they're doing . This boy was obviously goading his Dad. Better a small lesson now than something much bigger when his behaviour gets out of control.

This boy was obviously goading his Dad

Indeed. The BOY was being gladly. The MAN did not have to hit him.

*goady

You need to have a calm talk with dh when the dust has settled. If this is his preferred discipline you have a problem. Your child was being a brat and needs to do as he is told. I would have used the naughty step, yes I know it's for toddlers. Work out a plan for appropriate boundaries and when people lose their rag. Best of luck

puss, no way are most saying LTB, most are actually just appalled he did it and seems completely unremorsefull, I hope he enjoys looking at that bruise for the next week or so and telling himself he needs to learn, what a pathetic adult he is.

I am getting off this thread now, I actually can't stand listening to folk supporting violence against a child.

There are a mountain alternatives to bruising your child you ignorant person, all it shows is lack of control and tells the kid hitting is fine, he'll no doubt try it on one of his friends at school, so yeah, let's excuse all violence per se.

What a crap parent.

I would not let him anywhere near my child. People that lash out and hit children just sicken me.

pusspuss

Yes. sometimes children who are fearful of their parents 'push' them. They want to know what the outcome will be because fearing them breeds uncertainty. When they've had the smack; they know.

Who is the adult here? Who should be behaving themselves? Who sets the example? Who should control themselves? How do children learn?

Even if this child is not fearful, he's learning how to be a man. And what he's learned is that violence is justified against someone smaller and weaker

Well done dad!

If this is indeed the first time, then it is an excellent opportunity for the man to reflect on his behaviour. That's what adults are meant to do

Adora

Me too.

Gotta love a forum where people jump on literally anything and say "End the marriage".

Easy to say when it's not your marriage, not your son, and not your husband.

Maybe a more constructive and rational solution would be to have a sit down chat with the father and the son, and have a discussion about what happened as a family.

Point out that the son was in the wrong for being a dick.

Point out that the father was in the wrong for hitting him.

Point out that they're a family, and that involves respect in all directions, no hitting at all ever, and that it also involves forgiveness and trying to be a better person from everyone involved.

Absolutely fucking heart breaking to read this kind of shit.

"advocating bruising a child, just unbelievable."

What?! Where in hell did I suggest that?! Talk about adding 2 and 2 and making 478.

For the hard of reading comprehension: it is possible to believe that a course of action was wrong and undesirable but that social services and divorce as a response is highly likely to cause considerable further damage.

All those so quick to defend a man who not only hit his child hard enough to bruise, and couldn’t give a fuck, in fact his sole response was “he needs to learn” I hope that you don’t apply that bullshit in your own lives.

There’s always a first time for abuse.

And you are utterly deluded if you think that you would genuinely break up your otherwise happy marriage and loving family unit if it were you in this situation. Armchair advice here is cheap talk.

of course he shouldnt have hit him. Its shit parenting and it will not have helped anything.

That doesnt mean you split up a family because of it give the context, and it has absolutely fuck all to do with how two adults relate to each other, because if my partner was doing that to the telly then id lose my shit at him too. This is the real world full of imperfect people trying to bring up their kids often in the way they were brought up. The fashion has recently changed in this generation so that for the first time EVER, physical discipline has become unacceptable. We have no idea if this will create a generation of less damaged kids, but from what I can see that is still inconclusive.

There is abuse out there. There are people that neglect their kids, rape their kids, beat their kids and their kids live in fear. That honestly doesnt sound like this situation. That child was not afraid of anyone. He was being a dick and his dad slapped his leg. Once. ffs

It is not the same as wife beating

frogsoup where does OP describe that situation please? Because a parent who reacts like that to a minor (if irritating) provocation doesn’t speak to a loving family unit.

If it truly was a one off and you never foresee him hurting your child again, then I have to agree that separation is probably more damaging for the kid. What was happening to prevent the behaviour in the first place? It's clear there's a lack of respect there from the 9 year old towards his father and so that is something that needs addressing. I would also force the father to go to parenting classes to learn how to deal with that situation should it arise again. They both need a telling off but I would insist the father needs to do something formal and not just say it won't happen again.