Husband slapped our son and he has a little bruise

[Abbie268]

Not sure what to do really I don't think my son has noticed the bruise as it's on the back of his leg but I still don't know what to do I have always said no violence

She doesn't describe it yetalk, that's the point. Maybe she does need to ltb and call ss because her husband is an abusive arse, but we don't know that. Can people not see that that's a life-shattering decision to make on the basis of one admittedly excessively hard slap on the leg?! Without more context, it's totally irresponsible as well as facile to make that kind of suggestion on the basis of the op.

"There is abuse out there. There are people that neglect their kids, rape their kids, beat their kids and their kids live in fear. That honestly doesnt sound like this situation. That child was not afraid of anyone. He was being a dick and his dad slapped his leg. Once. ffs"

Yes, this, exactly sums up my thinking. It trivialises abuse to describe one slap in the way some posters have.

All those so quick to defend a man who not only hit his child hard enough to bruise, and couldn’t give a fuck, in fact his sole response was “he needs to learn” I hope that you don’t apply that bullshit in your own lives.

Sure, one explanation is that the husband doesn't care, honestly.

Another possible explanation is that his brain was in shutdown spiral mode thinking "Oh shit oh shit oh shit, what the fuck have I done, my wife is going to go spare, oh my god I've never hit my son before, what if he hates me forever, what if she leaves me, what if she never trusts me with my son ever again, shit fuck wank bollocks tits, I'm a goddamn idiot" and he just came out with "Well he needs to learn" because he's unable to vocalise any of that without sounding demented, or because he's a man and many of us have had bad socialization that prohibits admitting mistakes or talking about feelings, especially both at the same time.

I'm not excusing child abuse, but without being telepathic, you have no idea which of the two scenarios described above is closer to reality. Assuming the former possibility without considering the latter and recommending social services get involved in an otherwise healthy and completely functional family is lunacy.

Assuming the former possibility without considering the latter and recommending social services get involved in an otherwise healthy and completely functional family is lunacy

I didn’t recommend anything of the sort.

A slap hard enough to leave a bruise is not ‘just a slap’. That must have been some whack.
And what if the child annoys his father a bit more next week? does the slap get a bit harder ?

Can people not see that that's a life-shattering decision to make on the basis of one admittedly excessively hard slap on the leg?!

Those people defending him are assuming an awful lot, in fact many have minimised it and his response.

Fact is none of us know what’s going on in their home.

But a man who used his size and strength to hurt a child because he couldn’t deal with it any other way wouldn’t be a man that I’d want around.

@YeTalkShiteHen

Apologies, I kind of conflated my response to you with responses to others within the thread, I didn't specifically mean that you yourself had made that recommendation. Sadly Mumsnet doesn't let me edit to allow me to restructure the paragraph.

Sethis it’s easily done, I’ve done it before too.

I do think some responses (on both sides) are extreme. I just don’t think his response is one of a contrite parent who lost their shit. That does concern me.

We grabbed DS to stop him running in the road (he's a bolter) and left a mark. Felt awful. But he was 3 or 4 so no real sense of danger, and it was preventative IYSWIM. I think it's more the lack of remorse that gets me here.

We grabbed DS to stop him running in the road (he's a bolter) and left a mark

That’s completely different, that was to prevent harm not cause it.

OMG! Regardless of his reason, he should not be doing that. If your son is a minor, I think he already needs counseling or better yet needs police's advise. :(

I know ye but we still felt bad that we had it in us to exert that much force.
Thankfully though I've had to do it again I'm able to judge my relative strength better.

My god !! LTB ? Call the Police/SS ?
Do you have ANY idea what case loads these people have ?

I support an alcoholic mother who apparently wishes to keep her child. She has beaten her with a broom handle whilst pissed.. had 11 chances to stay sober and keep the child since she was born.
Only now is she moving in to care because she has asked to live apart from her mother. 8 yrs after the broom handle episode.
Do you REALLY think SS or police have the time or inclination to 'investigate ' a slap .from a deliberately goady child ?

Have a word OP about better parenting techniques.
Does

drspouse aye I know what you mean, I think in a moment of panic (I’ve had to grab mine beside a road before) it’s easy done. I just can’t understand someone who would hurt their child and not give a shit you know?

Yes exactly yetalk. If your child is hurt it upsets you too. Even if you accidentally caused it.

Absolutely! I fell while holding DD once, she was only about 18 months, and I lost my footing in the garden and she and I hit the floor. I was distraught!

I’ve shouted (roared) at my kids before when I’ve reached the end of my tether and felt like shit about that too.

However, someone brushing off a deliberate injury to a child that they caused is a big red flag to me.

Bowing out if this thread. I feel for all the children of all the parents on this here who think it’s alright to hit them. I’m guessing you all think it’s alright if people hit you too, yes? If your husband slaps you because you annoy him?

Thought not.

Load of fucking rubbish.

No, my DH puts me on the naughty step and revokes my TV time.

Which doesn’t traumatise you or physically harm you so well done him.

LSB 😂... You don't know my trauma if I don't see my soaps

@LukeSkywalkerBoots

Way to miss the incredibly obvious point that we don't treat children the same way we treat adults, for very logical reasons.

And for what it's worth I had a few slaps growing up, it didn't traumatise me in any way.

Because in real life away from a key board everything needs to be put in context.
Is he shouty and angry at the children as his 'default' setting.
Is he violent towards his wife.
Is he someone you are walking on eggshells around in order to have a 'quiet life'
Is he abusive in any way towards you or the children.?
Or
Is he a happy engaged father .
Is his normal way of dealing with the children more considered and helpful.
Is he engaged with their lives or on the periphery- leaving it all to you ?

If the former then this outburst ishould be a catalyst to change.
If the latter then you need to discuss the best way forward. Whilst presenting a united front.

Splitting a family asunder if this is the one and only example of poor parenting decision is a ridiculous over reaction and would have a massive detrimental effect on the child who WILL blame himself for ever more. Far too much of an unintended consequence to put on a child's head.

Maybe what he should’ve done was give his DS some attention - he was clearly craving it - instead of being lazy and getting annoyed that he couldn’t watch TV.

I would be mortified if my DH struck our DD. And as others have said, why is it acceptable to smack a child who is pissing you off but not an adult who is pissing you off - the child is more vulnerable.

@sethis no! You don’t say!

That doesn’t mean that hitting children is alright. Ever.