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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband slapped our son and he has a little bruise

331 replies

Abbie268 · 02/10/2018 15:18

Not sure what to do really I don't think my son has noticed the bruise as it's on the back of his leg but I still don't know what to do I have always said no violence

OP posts:
Branleuse · 02/10/2018 16:57

Is this how your son usually acts? What led up to this? What on earth would make him think that it was OK to go and repeatedly switch the TV off while his dad was watching it?
I mean that shows your son treating his father with utter contempt and disrespect.
How come he had lost console time? Do you think your husband is at the end of his tether with behaviour? How much of a team are you and your husband?

bellsbuss · 02/10/2018 17:00

I'm sorry but I don't believe the people saying ltb would actually do so if it was them in this situation. Slate me all you like but I would not leave my partner over this , it's not right what happened but surely the situation can be dealt with in other ways. We made a decision not to smack our children and never have but if I did because I had been pushed to the limits and my partner asked me to leave I would find it odd. Let's turn it around and ask ourselves if it the father posting that the mother had done it if the response would be to leave her

canonlydoblue · 02/10/2018 17:04

Your husband would've really had to hit hard with a punched fist to leave a bruise - a slap on the leg would leave a momentary red mark. Are you sure the bruise is a result of the slap? Nine year olds have a tendency to bruise as a result of day to day activities. As to what to do, I suggest you tell your son to do as his parents ask the first time.

Adora10 · 02/10/2018 17:06

I honestly can't see how a 9 year old turning off a tv is pushing you to your limit, I'd be seriously worried about myself if my reaction was to cause him to bruise; it shows a complete lack of control of the parent, nothing to be proud of or excuse.

HereIgoagainxx · 02/10/2018 17:09

I'm with you, bellsbuss. Well said.

Re the bruise.... Was it definitely from the smack? How can you be so sure.

LukeSkywalkerBoots · 02/10/2018 17:10

If you don’t do something about this OP then you’re complicit in child abuse. You might think that sounds OTT but it’s not. It’s true. Just as you’re not allowed to go around hitting anyone that annoys you you’re not allowed to hit a child.

Violence against kids traumatises them. I can tell you that first hand.

And he would have had to be hit hard to leave a bruise.

Original poster
Abbie268 · 02/10/2018 17:10

I can't explain the bruise it's like 2 small lines that are bruised definitely from his hand. I had been slapped as a child that also left similar bruising, so it's definitely from that (also why I've been always against violence for discipline)

OP posts:
joystir59 · 02/10/2018 17:10

When I was a child it was perfectly acceptable to slap kids. I was regularly pit over my dad's knee and smacked over and over again. I used to hate him for it, grit my teeth so I didn't cry until it was over and I could run away and cry.

Nesssie · 02/10/2018 17:10

Seaweed42 Well, we only have your opinion on that. Have you ever asked your adult children how they felt when you smacked them?

I was smacked, my sister was smacked, my cousins were smacked. Only rarely, and when we deserved it. Only ever on the bottom. I think my parents are wonderful. I would possibly smack my kids if they were really naughty. Definitely hasn't caused any issues in our family, all of us cousins are 'respectable' grown ups, never in trouble with the law etc and with polite manners.

NOT saying this is comparable, a bruise is definitely something to be concerned about.

Adora10 · 02/10/2018 17:11

I also don't understand how a smack would cause a bruise, it must have been a very hard impact and incredibly sore on the kid.

Adora10 · 02/10/2018 17:12

You better hope School do not ask him where the bruise came from and he tells them, they will be straight on the phone to social services.

I can't believe folk are actually advocating marking a child for turning off the TV.

bastardkitty · 02/10/2018 17:13

What colour t-shirt was your husband wearing when he hit your DS? IT DOESN'T MATTER - HE WAS VIOLENT

Was your husband hangry when he hit yiur DS? IT DOESN'T MATTER - HE WAS VIOLENT

Do you get the idea? He was violent. It's absolutely not okay.

LukeSkywalkerBoots · 02/10/2018 17:13

Take photos of the bruise Op and get it logged with a dr.

Question for you. If your husband hit you and left a bruise because you annoyed him, would you let that go?

Chucklecheeks1 · 02/10/2018 17:13

If OP kept turning the tv on and off is it acceptable for her DH to smack her on the back of the legs hard enough to leave a bruise?

If her son had turned around and hit him back what would DH have done? You're teaching a child violence is an acceptable response to becomming annoyed.

We've all been their with our kids, you hit breaking point. But the only time I've thought of smacking is when Ive lost control or run out of options. Thats my failure, not theirs.

Namelessinseattle · 02/10/2018 17:19

I think it’s hilarious that it’s ok for an adult to be frustrated enough that the tv is switched off that they’d hit someone but it’s nit ok for a child who can’t play their game to be frustrated. At 9 he should know better than the adult?

Adora10 · 02/10/2018 17:21

Good point Name.

If you are in England or Wales he has still committed an offence, it's called Common Assault (due to him leaving a mark on the skin).

Any form of smacking is banned in Scotland now.

Good luck to all of you that are committing offences on your own kids. OP, maybe explain the law to your husband.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 02/10/2018 17:24

“LTB” - such melodrama.

OP, you need a calm conversation with your DH about how you manage your DS’s behaviour without smacking. That’s non-negotiable. But he was sorely provoked. Your DS can’t behave like that unsanctioned. As a pp has said, if you don’t get this sorted you’re in for a tough time when he’s a teen.

magoria · 02/10/2018 17:24

If it was the first time, I would sit down with your DH and tell him it isn't acceptable and that he is not to do it again or you will have to reconsider your relationship.

Work together on how to deal with next time your DS is being a little shit.

Kool4katz · 02/10/2018 17:28

Has your DS learnt anything from this?

owabno · 02/10/2018 17:30

Re the bruise.... Was it definitely from the smack? How can you be so sure.

It does not matter. The smack still took place.

bastardkitty · 02/10/2018 17:30

Has your DS learnt anything from this?

He's learnt that his father is violent.

HereIgoagainxx · 02/10/2018 17:31

I wonder how the child will feel if his parents break up over this.

bastardkitty · 02/10/2018 17:33

Olympic standard victim-blaming ^

HereIgoagainxx · 02/10/2018 17:35

Huh? How will the child deal with this is hugely important. I can't believe you can't see how this may affect him carrying this around.

NotAgainYoda · 02/10/2018 17:37

I mean that shows your son treating his father with utter contempt and disrespect. How come he had lost console time? Do you think your husband is at the end of his tether with behaviour?

Good question. What's the link between a violent father and lack of respect from a child?

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