Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband slapped our son and he has a little bruise

331 replies

Abbie268 · 02/10/2018 15:18

Not sure what to do really I don't think my son has noticed the bruise as it's on the back of his leg but I still don't know what to do I have always said no violence

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 08/10/2018 19:49

Ah yes, Humans have evolved, whilst simultaneously trashing the planet, and wiping out thousands of other species, whilst we go about it.

Of course, animals haven't evolved at all Hmm

I bet you can't name one animal, that allows it's young to control the pack. You could just think about it for one moment, rather than being so one dimensional.

I, for one, would trust an animals instincts way more than a humans.

fifithefoof · 08/10/2018 20:05

Animals often have sex with offspring or siblings. That a good instinct too?

You sound like a really dreadful parent @Huskylover1

librarylover53 · 08/10/2018 20:40

There are no words for husky's reasoning.

librarylover53 · 08/10/2018 20:42

And just to repeat again as it's not getting through: those of us who don't resort to hitting are NOT allowing our children to rule without boundaries. The two are not mutually exclusive! Why is it so bloody difficult to fathom that children can be disciplined without having to hit them?!

BertieBotts · 08/10/2018 21:15

It doesn't matter, it's a strawman argument. Everyone knows it's not a choice between smacking and simply letting your child run free like a tiny dictator but it suits the debate to pretend that these are the only options.

It does say quite a lot that this is the only context in which smacking comes across as acceptable, though.

twilightsaga · 08/10/2018 21:41

It's funny how people liken the word discipline to mean smacking. There are other forms of discipline and teaching boundaries

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 08/10/2018 21:47

I am a guy. If the mother of my child hit them so hard they bruised, I would find it v v hard to look at them the same way again. It is such a vile thing to do, please, let us all stop making excuses for it.

Huskylover1 · 08/10/2018 22:01

You sound like a really dreadful parent @Huskylover1**

What, because I'd smack the legs of a 9 year old that's behaving appallingly? Okaaaay then.

I've raised 2 great kids thanks : both doing great at Uni, both well behaved and we are incredibly close. FWIW, I'm in my 40's, not "old", but I do think people are not parenting very well these days. Kids don't seem to get reprimanded (even verbally), for being naughty.

Interesting to note, that not one person has said what they would have done in the Dad's shoes. What's the magic bullet?

I'm out anyway, carry on with fluffy parenting if you want, it'll bite you in the bum when they hit their teens.

Thomasinaa · 08/10/2018 22:10

Apparently the police no longer have the resources to investigate arson or burglary. And Social Services are stretched to breaking point. But posters on here think that police and SS will take a smack seriously.

SalemBlackCat4 · 09/10/2018 07:26

Husky at least you are someone talking sense. The permissive attitude of people on here to child-raising and to a method with has worked for decades/centuries in favour of new age permissive ridiculousness is frustrating. If anyone wants to know how the problems in society with disrespect and a lack of discipline flourishes, they need look to further than the self-righteous yet misguided posts on here. I shake my head and weep for society when I read some of the head in the clouds ignorant new age bullshit on here.

pusspuss9 · 09/10/2018 10:12

Husky, Salem I totally agree with you.
I was of a generation that read and agreed with the teachings of Dr Spock on how to bring up children. I bought up my children to 99% with his permissive methods of no smacking but disciplining and teaching them in a different way. However there were rare occasions when they got a smack even though it went against my principles. They can drive you to it.
They are now grown up with children of their own. I have never seen them smack their children, but they often talk about their childhhood and they agree that the rare occasions when they got smacked they deserved it, and that there were lessons that they never forgot.

I'm more shocked by some of the language and personal attacks used on here but some of those against smacking. I wonder whether they use this kind of language and personal attacks against those they disagree with at home in front of their children?

librarylover53 · 09/10/2018 10:36

Examples please of this permissive attitude Salem? I and others have stated we can discipline without hitting but you conveniently ignore that to continuously bang on about the need to hit children for a better society. You'd be hard pushed to find a better behaved child than my son - he's kind, caring, respectful - and has never had a hand laid on him. But go you, hitting your children for the good of society 🙌

ferando81 · 09/10/2018 10:38

So you are going to get a divorce over a smack .?Talk to yo husband express your views but also listen to his .Come up with a plan -your child will be fine .
Of course if a pattern emerged then leave but once in nine years is not a hanging offence.

BertieBotts · 09/10/2018 10:51

I did. I said if a child can't handle someone else using a TV because they can't, then they might lose screen time for the next day, and/or be sent out of the room so that they can't be annoying in it.

But you can also avoid the situation in the first place by always having limits onscreen time so that it's not a shock and doesn't feel so unfair to the child when they are asked to come off. It's nothing to do with instilling discipline when they are young so that they're scared to turn off the TV.

Adora10 · 09/10/2018 10:52

Very ignorant to purport if you do not smack your children then you are "fluffy parenting", whatever the feck that means.

Guidance also from NSCC (up thread), but conveniently bypassed by the pro smackers, could not make it any more clearer that smacking should be avoided.

Every parent has their own way, not smacking does not mean you are raising a disobedient, disrespectful child. To suggest that is actually really stupid.

librarylover53 · 09/10/2018 11:25

Totally agree adora. Only explanation I can come up with is that on some level they're feeling insecure about their decision to smack, and so have to justify it by calling everyone who doesn't irresponsible and permissive? Idiotic.

SalemBlackCat4 · 09/10/2018 12:04

"I'm more shocked by some of the language and personal attacks used on here but some of those against smacking. I wonder whether they use this kind of language and personal attacks against those they disagree with at home in front of their children?"

Those against smacking perhaps feel insecure on some level about their decision not to smack, and are delusional about the true nature of their children so have to justify it by abusing those that do. Idiotic indeed.

RomanyRoots · 09/10/2018 12:15

I can remember seeing a sign in our doctors waiting room.

"If smacking works, why do you have to keep doing it"

We smacked our older two not regularly or anything, then with dd much later (13 years) we didn't as thought better.

Adora10 · 09/10/2018 12:21

Salem, just because I am against physical punishment does not make me insecure; the scenario of a child turning the TV off and on is hardly out of control behaviour so I wouldn't see any need to get up and belt his legs; there are lots more ways to achieve good behaviour, as set out by the NSCC guidelines, maybe yous all need to read it; your argument is pretty shit tbh that smacking is better.

fifithefoof · 09/10/2018 12:54

I'd love to know how many people who are in prison for violent crimes were the kids of fluffy parents who don't smack and how many are from parents who smacked.

Yes, this 'soft' parenting is ruining society. Grin

Those who think it's ok to smack, give your heads a wobble. You're shitty, lazy parents who abuse your children because you can't be assed to parent properly.

buscaution · 09/10/2018 13:30

Those who think it's ok to smack, give your heads a wobble. You're shitty, lazy parents who abuse your children because you can't be assed to parent properly.

THIS

librarylover53 · 09/10/2018 13:50

Fifi YES! Summed up perfectly!

Delusional about my child Grin aye I am, he's really terrorising the school and neighbourhood but I'm too oblivious, living in my fluffy bubble.

Huskylover1 · 09/10/2018 14:25

But you can also avoid the situation in the first place by always having limits onscreen time so that it's not a shock and doesn't feel so unfair to the child when they are asked to come off

You Tell children, you don't "ask".

Interesting how the Op hasn't come back, I'm wondering whether she's locked in a cupboard, whilst Tarquin smashes up the house.

buscaution · 09/10/2018 14:52

That's right husky tell them and hit them when they don't obey Hmm

Adora10 · 09/10/2018 15:24

Better still, make sure you raise your hand up when you are TELLING THEM......

I'd imagine the OP is not locked in a cupboard but hopefully has sorted things out with her hubby, how childish to patronise such an important thread with locked in a cupboard and Tarquin, not remotely funny either Confused

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.