Husband slapped our son and he has a little bruise

[Abbie268]

Not sure what to do really I don't think my son has noticed the bruise as it's on the back of his leg but I still don't know what to do I have always said no violence

I would absolutely leave someone for this.

No sleeping, that is not what I implied. We are talking of a one-off incident here. The op has not spoke of any other incident in 9 years.

If you think breaking up a marriage from this one incident would not impact on this child emotionally then you are deluded. How could it not? I would think the poor child would be horrified his dad was leaving the family because he was naughty. And that's how a child with limited cognitive reasoning would see it.

Please don't imply I think children should be forced to endure persistent abuse. That is categorically not the case.

LTB over one smack is utterly ridiculous.

HereIgoagainxx OP hasn’t been back. Surely if it was a one off, and there were no other issues she’d have returned?

Surely? Ok, you know that for certain then. OK.

Op says in second post this is the first time.

HereIgoagainxx the question mark at the end should have indicated it was a question rather than a statement.

But you crack on defending a grown man who hits little kids eh?

I was merely pointing out there was no need to question. The op did state he has not done this before.

I don't need your permission to have an opinion different to yours, but thanks anyway.

Do try reading comments before you try to wrongly correct them next time won’t you?

It was you that implied it was possibly more than once, and that is why op had not returned. You were wrong.

He smacked your child hard enough to leave a bruise? That's quite concerning. I think he ought to sit the child down and apologise and explain why he is sorry. If it happened again I'd certainly be questioning staying with him.

I have always said no violence, assuming her DH agreed it's him who has broke that trust.

Here, I honestly don't get your thinking that this lad would feel responsible if they broke up over this, why would a 9 year old even know the context of the split; I mean, what parent would sit down and say we are splitting because you caused dad to bruise you.....bonkers.

Adora, dad hits son for first time, parents disagree over it, possibly argue. The child is 9, not a toddler. The 9 year olds I know are inquisitive and able to work things out.

You cannot categorically say this child would not work it out or overhear his mum or father talking about it.

Absolutely no way can anyone say with any certainty all children wouldn't work it out, be upset by it and carry guilt and remorse throughout their lives.

HereIgoagainxx I can’t engage with someone who doesn’t understand basic English. “No other issues” is what I said. God knows what you have got from that, because I also said “if it was a one off”.

Given that you cannot understand a question mark changes a sentence, and that you cannot understand a basic statement, I give up.

Nope still don't get it, I would not LTB over one incident but, if after speaking to my DH about no violence acceptable and he said he would do it again if provoked then yes I would honestly consider if I wanted a future with him.

I still don't see how a 9 year old would be able to deduce the split was due to him and he would be carrying guilt and remorse all his life; I'd 100% make sure he did not hear or know the details, of what is, a personal relationship between a man and a woman; he'd only know, or find out if it was explained to him and as I say, who would bloody do that?

My dad hit me on possibly 3 occasions throughout my whole childhood HERE, and my mother ripped into him, I can assure you I never carried any guilt or remorse thinking I caused it, not ever, nope, never even thought about it again.

You have no idea why the op didn't return. You are totally hypothesising it is because he has done other things that warrant her leaving.

Maybe she couldn't believe that people were suggesting she leave the man that has been a father to their child for 9 years over a one-off smack.

Surely that could be another interpretation.

We’re all hypothesising! You are too, whether you care to admit it or not.

Anyway, this is becoming ridiculous. You’re attacking me for hypothesising yet doing exactly the same thing yourself. In defence of someone who saw fit to hit his child and not give a shit when he was bruised.

That’s up to you. Please don’t bother trying to engage again, because I can’t be arsed.

Adora, I wouldn't expect you to feel guilt if your mum screamed at your dad because he hit you. I'm talking about if your parents split over it and you found out (and again you cannot say no child would work this out, of course some would) I thought that was clear.

We can all argue back and forward about what would affect me or you. But it's a moot point. You are not everyone and nor am I.

I don't get why people are so stupid they don't realise that you can talk things over with children. I'm not saying I would leave over one incident, but if I did leave DH over him assaulting the DC it would be made very clear that I was protecting said DC and it was absolutely not their fault.

Oh yetalkshite

Of course we are hypothesising. How can we not when the op hasn't been back?

I just thought it only fair to offer an alternative to your "surely" comment. None of us, you included, can be sure of anything.

I'm glad you can see that now.

Here, I would find it highly unlikely that should the split the child would get to hear about it or feel responsible and if I had a shadow of a doubt that he did, he'd be told very explicitly that this was not the reason; people split up all the time, very rarely to the children, esp a 9 year old get to here the gory details but I accept, it's a possibility.

It still wouldn't deter me from splitting from a man that was telling he would use physical violence again on our child, that just would not be a home environment I'd be prepared to live in but yeah, we are all different and have different levels of acceptances.

God, please excuse my awful spelling!

And I am saying IF the man said he'd use force again.

If it was a one off and I saw he was remorseful then I'd not LTB.

Adora, you are missing my point. You can tell a child it's not their fault but how they feel is entirely up to them. Maybe they would believe the parent. Maybe they won't.

Imagine if your mother, instead of ripping into your father the first time he hit you for premusambly being naughty, left him. She says it's not your fault. You may well believe her, you may not and blame yourself for being naughty in the first place. Children don't think the way adults do.

This could be far more emotionally damaging to a child than one smack on the legs.

Children are naughty all the time HERE, parents break up all the time, yeah some might blame themselves for that but equally a lot won't, it's life and I'd honestly not even consider that if I wanted to split with my partner; by the time the split became official the child would I doubt, think back to when he got a hit and think that's why.

You are minimising what happened here, it was not just a smack, it was a bruising caused by a smack, must have been a hell of a smack.